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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have removed DD from swimming lesson

184 replies

lovelidl · 19/10/2014 12:22

We have just come back from holiday, where DD, who had shown no previous interest, loved the pool. Jumping in. Swimming unaided etc in a pool way out her depth.

On our return I booked lessons for her, they were expensive and nearest pool is 20 miles away so not a decision taken lightly. Shallow, warm pool, 10 in a lesson.

First lesson was this morning and DD screamed blue murder as soon as she got in. After a few mins I went in and dragged her out the pool. I felt it wasn't fair to the other who were trying to learn while she carried on.

I was furious with her and promised I would be taking her no where in the future Hmm and there would be no more treats until the wasted money was replaced.

DH thinks I was being unreasonable and should have tried to make her stay etc and he thinks we should try again next week.

WIBU

OP posts:
whatever5 · 19/10/2014 12:58

YABVU to punish her for being scared. She's obviously not used to swimming pools and that is your fault if anyone's. Unfortunately she probably won't want to go to the lessons again as you have added to her fear by being furious with her. I think that you should try taking her swimming by yourself.

Jill2015 · 19/10/2014 12:59

Ah, poor little mite. I'd give it another try, if she wants to.
It probably was a bit intimidating, and that was why she got upset. Have a chat with the instructor if you can, about what would be the best approach, to help her.
If she sees others enjoying it, she might love to get back in again.
Don't force it, but I would suggest giving it another try next week.

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 12:59

"being a weak swimmer is a serious handicap.'

totally true, you think you can - you're over-confident and maybe the parents are complacent - and you actually can't, and that puts you in big danger

Nanny0gg · 19/10/2014 13:01

Where my DGC learn they don't go until they start school. Then each class is a year group.

It's taken her a year (R - Year 1) to get used to it, to co-operate and to do what the teacher asks straight away and there were only 3 in the class!

She's now passed her badges and moved up to the next one which has 9 in it.

Either wait till she's a bit older but take her swimming in toddler pools to get used to it or keep trying at the lessons.

And you need to back down on the punishments, right now.

Original poster
lovelidl · 19/10/2014 13:02

Actually think Hissy has hit the nail on the head HmmHmm

OP posts:
lilrascal · 19/10/2014 13:02

whois no i obviously don't grasp it. like i said i .. am ... not ... a .... swimmer. hardly ever in a pool. nice to know i have a serious handicap though.

Hmm
lilrascal · 19/10/2014 13:03

i am not over confident. anytime i am in a pool i never go past where i cant feel the ground. ds has a like jacket instead of arm bands and loves it and will be giving him lessons in a year.

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 13:04

Handicap in the sense it can put a child in particular in danger, lilrascal. If a child thinks they can swim, but they can't - that's very bad.

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 13:05

actually wondering how i got a degree, work full time and raising a son with this serious handicap

Hmm
FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 13:06

Lilrascal, it seems your persistent and deliberate misunderstanding is aimed at starting a fight rather than having a conversation about the benefits of strong swimming ability. I'll leave you to it.

Original poster
lovelidl · 19/10/2014 13:06

That is exactly why I wanted her to have lessons Lil

OP posts:
lilrascal · 19/10/2014 13:07

i agree its dangerous for a child to be over confident if they have not been taught but not going to argue the point OP made in her original post and how i perceived it to be. am obviously in a minority on how i picked it up .. perhaps because i have a serious handicap in not being able to swim but thats the way i saw it. i plan to take lessons when i reduce my working week in a months time to 4 days (something i had thought of before this thread).

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 13:07

im not causing a fight (well dont mean to) but am pissed at people for thinking i took it up wrong and having a "deliberate misunderstanding". i bloody well didnt!!!

WeirdCatLady · 19/10/2014 13:08

I think you need to apologise to your daughter. Explain that you were very worried when she got upset, and that is why you got upset too. Explain that it is important to learn to swim properly and so you'll give the lessons another try next week. Then contact the pool and explain that your daughter was shy etc and that you'll try again next week.

Goldmandra · 19/10/2014 13:08

goldmandra i can't swim, i can doggy paddle. i need to feel ground under me. op's dd was swimming out of her depth. to me that's a proper swimmer hence my question.

For other people there is a lot more to learn than just being able to keep your head above the water.

Swimming pools are full of children who can swim out of their depth learning all sorts of strokes and skills every Saturday morning. I really don't understand why you're having such trouble grasping this Confused

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 13:09

i get that now lovelidl .... i understand now that i misunderstood your op when you said "swimming unaided in water out of her depth". i honestly hand on heart took that to be a trained swimmer. apologies.

Mouthfulofquiz · 19/10/2014 13:10

Family lessons would be awesome!
I was taught (you can't really call it that though!) by my primary school in the 80s and they would never let me swim out of my depth because I have asthma. So I never gained any confidence and only learnt that water was something to be scared of! I am determined not to sit on the sidelines in the future when the kids and DH are going surfing or sailing or something like that.
It is a bit of a handicap if you think of it like that. Not being a good swimmer can exclude you from confidently taking part in quite a few activities.

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 13:10

obviously my lack of knowledge on swimming itself has caused me to make the statements i made. i am sorry if i got people's backs up. was not my intention and got frustrated that no one read the op like i did. i do get yer points now.

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 13:11

just never saw it as a handicap as seldom near a pool but i will when ds has to start swimming as part of this curriculum hence why i want to start lessons.

ChippingInLatteLover · 19/10/2014 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 13:19

'you need to find a parenting class'

one mistake does not make a bad mother

Original poster
lovelidl · 19/10/2014 13:21

It does mean something Chipping. We used to chat a lot and hate that you have to say that to me, although I know I deserve it. Hmm

OP posts:
Mouthfulofquiz · 19/10/2014 13:22

Parenting class??? Never been so disappointed??!
Do you realise this is an Internet chat forum with strangers or were you there?

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 13:25

Lovelidl, you have been browbeaten into thinking you're a bad mother? Oh dear.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 19/10/2014 13:28

Ring the pool and speak to the instructor. Ds2 was TERRIFIED of swimming in lessons, but would paddle about in the shallow end with me although he was on edge the whole time. When I tried him in swimming lessons, he did the spider thing - literally crawling up me to my shoulders in a split second screaming the entire time. We went home, talked about it, and then I rang and spoke to the instructor. She was happy to meet with us for about 5-10 minutes early at the next lesson to ease him into the water gradually before the lesson. It didn't work at all - he just could not calm down near the water enough to go in safely. So we asked for a refund and stated we would wait until he was a bit older (he was 4 at the time).

This summer just before he turned 5, he happily went into the shallow end of the pool with me - didn't seem as nervous this time. So I'm going to make the trips to the pool much more frequent and make a concerted effort to get him very comfortable in the water. We will then make another attempt at lessons in the spring.

Swimming is an important skill to have, but I think that pushing them before they're ready will turn them off it entirely and can bring about some real phobias. Make an effort, see how she does, take a break from it if necessary, and then come back to it again. That's really about all you can do.