to have removed DD from swimming lesson

[lovelidl]

We have just come back from holiday, where DD, who had shown no previous interest, loved the pool. Jumping in. Swimming unaided etc in a pool way out her depth.

On our return I booked lessons for her, they were expensive and nearest pool is 20 miles away so not a decision taken lightly. Shallow, warm pool, 10 in a lesson.

First lesson was this morning and DD screamed blue murder as soon as she got in. After a few mins I went in and dragged her out the pool. I felt it wasn't fair to the other who were trying to learn while she carried on.

I was furious with her and promised I would be taking her no where in the future and there would be no more treats until the wasted money was replaced.

DH thinks I was being unreasonable and should have tried to make her stay etc and he thinks we should try again next week.

WIBU

Ten kids in the water, no arm bands but a 'noodle' each and one instructor (dressed) at the side. It was made clear at the start that parents were not welcome by the pool.

What makes it worse, and I have neglected to mention is that DD has terrible eye site and in the pool without her glasses I am now thinking that she def not see me 20ft away behind glass and possibly couldn't see the instructor by the pool very well either?

Going to ask about 1 to 1 lessons, thanks all.

My DS could 'swim' unaided in a 'holiday' pool too - which meant a bit of doggy paddle and not any specific strokes with any technique.

I took him to swimming lessons and had the same reaction. He would only put his feet in the pool and then with lots of crying. The following week, we went back and I went in with him, the following week I went in and just followed him, then the following week, went in, but stood by the edge. He was fine after that. He just needed reassurance. He is now a very confident swimmer.

Sorry OP, but I do agree with others that you over-reacted and weren't very nice to your daughter. Take her back, but go in with her a few times until she feels comfortable and confident to be on her own with the teacher and other children.

Council pool and first level after parent and toddler class.

Walk away from this set up, OP.

Your DD is unlikely to feel safe again here.

Have a good look around your local area and do lots of asking. There are often people who subsidise their private pools by hiring them out to teachers for small group or 1 to 1 lessons. They are usually much calmer environments and lessons can be more flexible to the needs of the individual child.

lovelidl You've had such a hard time on this thread and I'm cross for you. Yes, you made an error in judgment but big flippin' deal! You talk to DD, apologise and move on. If nothing else, you're teaching her that adults will apologise when they're wrong and accept their mistakes.

As others have said, don't give up on swimming. She'll get there but she's still so little.

Take it easy.

Talk with the staff, they will have had loads of experience of children freaking out- and trying to build water confidence, see what they suggest (e.g. take out of lessons, come early, try 1 on 1, have two instructors in the pool).

My 8 year year old had a complete paddy in the pool about a year ago, something trivial spooked her and she wouldn't join in the class. They couldn't have been nicer, sent another member of staff in with her to keep her trying (even though she wasn't with the whole group) and we had another go the next week (with a small amount of bribery of a treat if she went in successfully) and she was fine and off and away again.

Find out what they would suggest, don't just abandon a set of 10 lessons unless they really think there are no options.

I also agree if she can't see a thing it will be difficult, I can't either and I don't always like swimming for this reason.

you can get prescription goggles if she wears glasses (my dd has some)

we got them from here

Our swimming lessons dont have an instructor in the pool after the pre-school swimming level, so from age 4 really.

OP Definatley get her out. Noodles should be an aid to swimming, something to practice technique on. Not to keep all kids above water whilst they splash about. Makes me so angry. I hope you know that not all lessons are like this. Swimming instructor which remain fully dressed make me angry. Regardless of lifeguards, depth of pool, I always teach in my costume and shorts and tshirt. Just in case I need to get in.

Definitely look into 1:1 lessons. Be prepared for the expense though. But in my biased swimming teacher eyes, it's a life skill and a very important one at that

She will be fine. I bet in a few weeks time she'll be swimming lovely. Where are you based OP. Might be able to help with finding 1:1 lessons

I dont know if your dd is long or short sighted but dd got these ones - you can choose different powers for each eye

i've seen kids kick off at the pool, or music class, screaming and crying for WEEKS, its excruciating for everyone and anyone within earshot.

my DS doesn't cry in public, never has done, he has his own way of letting me know he's uneasy, which fortunately is rare. I have seen many other parents having battles with their anxious children and as i'm not used to it it does make it difficult to watch, but a parent acting any other way than calmly but firmly is generally unsuccessful. teachers are well trained in small children being frightened and letting them lead the process is by far the most constructive. that and talking to the very frightened little girl and reassuring her/being prepared to get in with her if need be.

being furious at a 4yo is largely pointless no matter what they've 'done' or not done. punishing them in the way is described in the op is just about as ott and out of order as it gets, the only thing that would have made this even more wrong was if she'd been smacked for it. she wasn't but the way she was talked to was only one step down from there. seriously emotionally nasty, and as I say pointless.

I get that it may have been in the heat of the moment, but it was still wrong. if my ds dad or anyone I know, family or not, spoke to my son like that i'd be apoplectic with rage and they would be left in absolutely no doubt that that would never happen again or there would be serious consequences.

allowing a child to swim freely in a holiday pool is so beyond lax and dare I say stupid, as to be incredible. it is a newsheadline waiting to happen.

so all that just to rephrase what I said before.

I stand by both posts, this one is merely repackaged for those of you who are being AIBU-ish just because you can be.

if any one of us witnessed a conversation as described here between a distressed and frightened 4yo and this OP every single one would be horrified.

there'd be posts like 'To the mother in the pool today..' and everyone'd pile in and comment.

if any one of us were next to a family on holiday allowing their 4yo to go out of their depth unaided, ditto.

what this OP did to her child was so very, very wrong. she knows this by the looks of it and this is a good thing.

they way that child was dealt with was so bad as to be offensive. I don't think an apology will make a difference either in this instance.

I think allowing the DH to lead this process might be for the best as long as he's likely to remain calm and not get furious with his dd, and work with the teachers to see if it's worth persuing or postponing.

Prescription googles look great - will look into that.

Based in central Scotland, pretty remote on the West Lothian/South Lanarkshire border if anyone has recommendations.

I'm North Lanarkshire. The sports centre you use may offer 1-2-1 lessons too (I know mine does - my 2 learned in South Lanarkshire)

Ahhhh I can't help. It's a long drive from the Midlands! Try local swimming clubs maybe?? Or contact the Swim Teachers Association (STA)

Would pay to see the 'parenting classes' Mumsnetter suggest that very thing to one of the hard faced mums round here, with the coke slurping and sausage roll chomping babies. If you wouldn't do it in real life, then shut up online.

OP, please don't worry about it all so much! You overreacted in the moment, by your own admission and as has been pointed out to you a billion times by now .... we all do it at one point or another and your wee girl won't have been traumatised for life!

Been there. My ds aged 5 loved swimming when we took him to our new local pool a few times, so I signed him up for four lessons. He was really enthusiastic until getting changed for lesson one, then screamed on the side the whole time. I said we weren't leaving during the lesson we paid for and certainly weren't buying the promised magazine afterwards.
Lesson 2, he got in just fine and was star of the class. I relaxed. Bought him a magazine. All happy.
Lesson 3. Same as lesson 1. Only me more pissed off as he'd been fine the day before. Still sat there for the full half hour.
Lesson 4. Refused to get in. Lifeguard said dd and I could get in other end of pool and try to entice him in. So we did and he had a lovely time but refused to join in the lesson. I deserved a medal for not drowning him.

I suspect it was because the teachers insisted on splashing the kids' faces "to build their confidence" rather than just letting them get wet themselves. Not exactly consent culture.

He says he likes swimming but not swimming lessons, and I can see his point,so will be teaching him myself for now. There's lots of teaching advice and videos on the ASA website and internet which could get her a long way, then try lessons nearer when school do swimming - Y2 for us.

Much sympathy - any of us with hugely stubborn emotional children have had similar days.

OP... Don't let the money you've spent cloud your judgement with your daughter. You know you were OTT, the important thing is that she regains her water confidence because that is a marvellous thing.

Do you have maybe a private pool (usually with gym) somewhere near you, where you could go in the water with her and just concentrate on having a lovely splashabout in the water? Either that or a mum and child session in the council pool?

Your daughter needs to know that you're not angry with her. You have no reason to be. Please act very soon to put this right because it's fantastic that your daughter had confidence in the pool on holiday, worth a mint of money.

... and OP, you don't deserve to have anybody speak to you the way Chipping did. I'm cringing at that post. It's on par with some of my horrible ones and I cringe at those too.

I am a swimming teacher. At a young age, 90% of swimming ability is confidence. You have removed this and need to build it back up. Take your dd swimming, forget lessons for a while. Enjoy the water, have fun and watch your dd develop a love and respect for water.

If you are not confident, do you think your reaction was born out of your own fear for water or desperate need for her not to have your own fears? Maybe you (and your dh?) could go for family swimming lessons with your daughter? Many private teachers do these lessons.....

Can I just point out that your child is very young and may benefit from waiting another year until they are ready.

My older 2started swimming lessons aged 7 and came on very quickly and are now strong swimmers.

I started dd3 aged 4 - just fur convenience really- and a he screamed a c cried through two lessons. I stopped them because I didn't see the sense in turning swimming into a discipline issue. One year on she started swimming lessons again and is really enjoying them.

There's really no rush.

I have rarely been so disappointed in a parent on MN as I am of you.

I think chipping that you should get over yourself.

I've rarely seen an adult speak to another adult on such a way

She might not be ready for formal lessons. I'd take her for some informal sessions (not a lesson) splash about have a bit of fun get her confidence back then try some 1-1 or at least a very small class size and if no good wait until she's a bit older.

And to retreat from postings for other swimming instructors, 10 is a huge number in a class of non independent swimmers. I go up to 3 and only exceed that if mums are in the water too. Teaching in a private school, we have one instructor on the side and a ratio of 3 kids to 1 assistant (mostly independent swimmers though).

My training (Australian system) was very clear that instructors should be in the pool at all times unless you are teaching stroke improvement to much more advanced swimmers, which is better viewed from the side of the pool (even then, you should really be in the water sometimes viewing underwater). I would not touch this class with a bargepole and part of me would want to report it to the authorities ..... Does it not breach h&s?

Buoyancy aids (noodles etc) have their place but how the heck are the kids going to ever come off them if there is no adult in the pool assisting them? They are also really easy to slip off, especially if you are little ... What happens then? Crazy......

Oh hissy let it go. How nice that you've got a child who doesn't cry in public. Have a banana.