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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have removed DD from swimming lesson

184 replies

lovelidl · 19/10/2014 12:22

We have just come back from holiday, where DD, who had shown no previous interest, loved the pool. Jumping in. Swimming unaided etc in a pool way out her depth.

On our return I booked lessons for her, they were expensive and nearest pool is 20 miles away so not a decision taken lightly. Shallow, warm pool, 10 in a lesson.

First lesson was this morning and DD screamed blue murder as soon as she got in. After a few mins I went in and dragged her out the pool. I felt it wasn't fair to the other who were trying to learn while she carried on.

I was furious with her and promised I would be taking her no where in the future Hmm and there would be no more treats until the wasted money was replaced.

DH thinks I was being unreasonable and should have tried to make her stay etc and he thinks we should try again next week.

WIBU

OP posts:
cailindana · 19/10/2014 12:41

Really bad call on this one. This was a totally new situation for your DD, she reacted like a child and you, in return, also reacted like a child, a very stroppy, bad tempered one.

My suggestion would be, apologise to her, say you were cross and behaved a bit silly and you didn't mean what you said. If the lessons are paid for in advance suggest going again next week but if she says no, respect that. Take her out this afternoon and try to put it behind you.

StripyBanana · 19/10/2014 12:41

Our council run leisure centre lessons only have a max of 6 children in the beginner lessons....and make sure it's one the teacher is in the pool with them.

They may well be fear full to swim again and need you to be t

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 19/10/2014 12:43

This exact same thing has happened with our son (7). He was happy enough swimming in the pool on holiday. He has never been fabulously keen on swimming but made great progress with his confidence.

However he took a huge step back when starting lessons again, where he has never felt totally relaxed. He says he gets but flies thinking about the lessons and is quite anxious. Looking back, he had mad e little progress over the last 6 months in the lessons but we were hoping he had had a breakthrough over this summer Sad

So now my husband takes him on his own every Saturday morning. Much better! The lessons were fine for my dd but clearly DS is not learning from them and we are better trying a different tactic.

Hissy · 19/10/2014 12:43

you said what to her?

you've been a complete bitch to a 4yo. proud of yourself?

I hope your DH tore you a new one, I really do!

you shouldn't have waded in, you should have spoken to a teacher there and asked if you could sit near her, or get her to watch the class sat on the side of the pool with you sat beside her, for the first time at least. then next week you suggest ways of getting her in the water gradually, and then extend that.

many kids scream blue murder at first, every children's swim teacher will have seen it before. yes it's distressing, but it doesn't last.

the other option is that you don't bother at all this year, ask the school for a refund or ask to transfer it to next year's classes.

you were being very neglectful allowing her to swim unaided out of her depth on holiday too. you need to seriously adjust your parenting methods, she could come to real physical AND emotional harm if 2 stunts you've posted here are representative of what you think is acceptable.

Original poster
lovelidl · 19/10/2014 12:45

I was terrified when she suddenly started swimming on hols as I am not confident enough in the water and as she was self taught her technique wasn't great - mostly underwater but she loved it. I thought having lessons at least she would have a better idea of what she should be doing.

She had she was shy and that is why she cried.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 19/10/2014 12:45

Yes, YABU.
Very OTT reaction.
Ridiculous 'threat of punishment' for a 4 yr old, who will have no concept of cost of lessons.

Also am confused about the information in the OP about swimming unaided in deep water.

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 19/10/2014 12:45

'Butterflies' not but flies Blush

Goldmandra · 19/10/2014 12:45

Goldmandra from what op says she can already swim properly ... deep water ... unaided?!

So once a child can do a bit of doggy paddle and keep her head above water, there's nothing else for them to learn?

BackforGood · 19/10/2014 12:46

x-posted.

Excellent post by Hissy

Catsmamma · 19/10/2014 12:47

we went to disney when dd was about three, and there was one of those whirly, whippy, splashy pools... she was off like a mermaid, no previous swimming experience, spent as much time under the water as above it

she was totally unfazed...meanwhile I am having kittens and trying to stay calm!

In the op's position, I'd take her again, possibly try to go to the pool a day or so before as well for a dabble about and see how it goes.

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 12:47

i feel awful for ur dd. she was shy (totally understandable) and you reacted like that?! so she really wasnt "swimming" on hols then. did you ask if she wanted lessons? on hols ye were in the pool with her and it was more relaxed. you have alot of ground work to bring her back around to the idea of swimming again IF she wants to. she is still young. put please dont make her.

harihippo · 19/10/2014 12:48

I personally would take her again. Maybe she thought it was going to be free swim like on holiday and she got upset when the teacher started to give instructions.
I would talk to her over the week saying that behaviour is not acceptable and explain what lessons are like and if she is good she can gain badges ect if she doesn't behave next week maybe leave it for a while.

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 12:48

goldmandra i can't swim, i can doggy paddle. i need to feel ground under me. op's dd was swimming out of her depth. to me that's a proper swimmer hence my question.

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 12:49

I do have some advice actually, lots of children start off swimming underwater better than they swim on the surface, so I think you're right to go with the lessons for technique purposes. Also I understand the shy part and if that's the only problem then you will have to just take it slowly slowly catchee monkey. However if it's the swimming 'not under water' she finds hard, I would get her to wear her goggles in the bath and practice going under water and breathing out through her nose, then coming up, breathing in, then breathing out underwater again. This is a great confidence builder. Knowing how to use goggles/breathing out underwater can be transformational to swimming confidence.

SavoyCabbage · 19/10/2014 12:49

It's madness to suggest that a five year old who swims unaided on holiday wouldn't need lessons.

They have to learn how to swim properly if you want them to be able to swim further than about 10m. Or they would be exhausted.

OP, I would try and take her yourself this week.

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 12:52

perhaps because i cant swim i am not understanding it. i presume the technique of swimming is taught. op says she was swimming unaided out of her depth. was it really that unreasonable to ask why she suddenly needed lessons? also asked this question before i found out her age.

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 12:52

In fact you could take some of the sourness out of the situation and make it fun, by both of you having goggles at home, or your husband, and sticking your heads in and out of a washing up bowl and checking for bubbles. Tell her that when she's learning to swim she can teach Dad at the same time!

MrSheen · 19/10/2014 12:52

Doggy paddle with the ground under you is just hopping. There is a huge difference between 'proper' swimming (did the OP say proper?) and being able to tumble about and glide in deep water for half a minute at a time. I doubt the kid was doing laps of butterfly.

Original poster
lovelidl · 19/10/2014 12:54

Pool on hols was 5ft all over so no shallow end, she could go from one end to the other unaided - so why couldn't she go up to her waist?

No instructor in pool, although when I booked we were told there would be. Have paid for 10 lessons, asked about refund Confused when I said we would be back - not possible Hmm

OP posts:
lilrascal · 19/10/2014 12:55

lol i dont hop. i kinda do frog leg motions and can get from one side to the other without putting a foot down. but i cant swim.

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 12:56

I think if you were told there would be an instructor in the pool, and there isn't, you have grounds for getting your money back.

Mouthfulofquiz · 19/10/2014 12:57

'Today 12:43 Hissy

you said what to her?

you've been a complete bitch to a 4yo. proud of yourself?'

I hope your DH tore you a new one, I really do!'

This is so over the top from Hissy. That expression 'tore you a new one' is fairly revolting! I think it's fairly obvious that everyone thinks the OP went a bit OTT, but your post is just as bad! Do you 'tear people a new one' often?

OP - I think you should try again next week but maybe go a bit earlier and have a swim or splash about with her first? I'm a crap swimmer but luckily my DH is very good. I will probably be having swimming lessons at the same time as my children so that I can join in in the future (swimming in the sea etc)
Maybe you should have some lessons instead of your dd?

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 12:57

ok ok ok leaving out what op said in her original post ... OP she obviously took to the water and enjoyed it. can you go with her during the week once r twice b4 the lessons. get in with her. build her confidence a bit and ask if you can be in the pool at the back if it would help during the actual lessons. dont write off the lessons but last thing you want to do is make her feel forced or hate it.

whois · 19/10/2014 12:57

perhaps because i cant swim i am not understanding it. i presume the technique of swimming is taught. op says she was swimming unaided out of her depth

Seriously? You honestly don't grasp that 'swimming unaided' for the first time doesn't mean you can swim like Michael Phelps?

There is swimming (not drowning for a little bit) and swimming (able to swim lengths after length in several strokes). We should all be aiming for the second really as being a weak swimmer is a serious handicap.

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 12:58

Quiz's idea is really good, having swimming lessons at the same time. If you get your money back and then spend it on five private whole family lessons you'd probably get a lot more benefit.