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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to 'encourage' my dd to give up her hobby?

297 replies

georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 20:53

My dd(7) has been doing a hobby very heavily for two years, including doing competitions, with a large amount of success (not a stealth boast, just setting the scene). However, for a number of reasons this success is likely to not continue, and I suspect it's a large part of why she has enjoyed the hobby.
It's a very expensive hobby, which we had no idea of when we got into it, and means we can't afford family holidays, affecting me, dh and dd(3). It also involves a lot of afternoons hanging around for dd(3) waiting for dd(7) to do her thing, when dd(3) would rather be playing at home.

Some of her school classmates have recently taken up the competitive side of the hobby, and now the competitiveness appears to be spilling over at school in a not very nice way. My dh and I for various reasons hate the competitions and wish we'd never got involved, and my dd is certainly nowhere near as enthusiastic as she was, and never wants to practise.

However, she wants to keep doing the competitions. Would I be unreasonable to 'encourage' her to just do the non competitive side of the hobby, or even to swap hobbies? She is interested in trying out some other hobbies, but we have no idea whether they would suit her.

OP posts:

CocktailQueen · 13/10/2014 20:57

Um! it's a bit hard to advise without knowing all the facts - what's the hobby? Why does she's have to give up?

Why didn't you know how expensive it was when she got into it?? Must say, I'd never ever give up family holidays for one child's hobby.

Sounds like the hobby has run its course and you would not be U to encourage your dd to stop. And then. Of course to be fair, you should give your other dd the chance to do an equally expensive and time consuming hobby...

Of course get your dd to try out new hobbies! Trial lessons, get her to go along and see if she likes it. Go for it.

Purplepoodle · 13/10/2014 21:00

Whats the hobby?

Curiouslygrumpycola · 13/10/2014 21:00

Is it beauty pageants?

notagainffffffffs · 13/10/2014 21:02

Ballet? Its bloody expensive! !

Original poster

georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 21:03

Can't say the hobby - would out myself! Didn't know how expensive it was at first as it sort of starts slow and then gradually builds until before you know it it's over £1000 per term. Anyone in the hobby will probably recognise it from that description!
We really really hate the competitions, find them very stressful for many reasons, and that's why we would like her to at least give up that side of it.
No way is dd(3) ever getting involved in it to the same extent, that's for sure! She's going to have to choose cheaper and less stressful hobbies!

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 13/10/2014 21:05

I think when enthusiasm is waning you need to make her see the benefits of stopping and those of continuing.
If it is a hobby that requires practice then she won't improve at the rate that the competitors will and then she will be sad and could affect her confidence.
Be honest about the holidays and the time commitment, but also let her see that if she is determined to continue you will support her.
It is difficult without knowing the hobby.

CSIJanner · 13/10/2014 21:05

Ballroom dancing? It's amazing how expensive sequins can be (not jesting)

OVienna · 13/10/2014 21:06

Pony Club?!

iwaly · 13/10/2014 21:06

She is only 7!! Of course you can steer her onto other things. It is clearly in the interests of your family to move on. If you genuinely thought it was something she could have a longer term success at and/or if she clearly loves it so much that she spends all her time practising, then it would be a more difficult decision. But from what you have said it is neither of those things so just move on. At 7 she has plenty of scope to try other things.

amyhamster · 13/10/2014 21:08

Why would it out you ?
If people at school are also doing it then it can't ge that rare

Anyway I'm sure a 7 yr old can't be that attached to it

My 8 year old just does the free clubs at school ! Art club etc
& biking & footie with her brother

Original poster

georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 21:09

morethan - yes, it really is starting to need practise. At first you can rely on natural talent, but as the years go on, it's more and more about the training and practise, which means, you are absolutely right, she won't improve at the same rate as others, and that's why I don't think the success will continue, and it will affect her confidence. Especially with the 'help' of nasty comments from 'friends' at school.
I think your advice is sound, and is sort of what we're discussing with her, but she never actually makes decisions so we end up having to make them for her. Don't want this to come back to bite me when she's grown up - 'my mum made me stop!'

OP posts:

WitchWay · 13/10/2014 21:09

Irish Dancing?

Agree, steer her away - she's only 7 & it sounds like it's become unreasonable & unaffordable.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 13/10/2014 21:12

I thought Ballroom dancing too, some of my costumes were eye wateringly pricey even back in the old days. Plus there are private lessons, exams, shoes for different styles of dance (and to match different costumes), costumes for each style of dance (which some dancers will only wear once per competition season!).
It really is a pricey hobby.

AlfAlf · 13/10/2014 21:13

YANBU at all.
It's not fair for the whole family to make so many sacrifices, it sounds utterly exhausting and not particularly good for your dd. Plus she's not really loving it any more.
Think what you could do for her with some of that money.. 7 is a great age to start learning piano (but get a good teacher who makes it fun), or horse riding? Either would benefit your dd enormously.

Original poster

georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 21:13

any hamster - she's pretty attached - doing it 6 days a week...would be a pretty huge change in her life

OP posts:

DogCalledRudis · 13/10/2014 21:14

Any sort of activity taken to a competitive/professional level will require investment and sacrifice.
Does she have a talent for it worth pursuing (that may be a future career) or is it just a hobby? If just a hobby, then pull the plug and divert interest into something else.

Original poster

georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 21:16

AlfAlf - funnily enough we rejected horse riding as a hobby upfront because of the expense! Think it would have been a bargain in hindsight! Piano's a good idea though - she already plays another instrument and is getting on really well with it, and enjoying it.

OP posts:

ChippingInLatteLover · 13/10/2014 21:20

Where is the expense? In the travel to the comps? The actual lessons? The outfits?

Original poster

georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 21:20

DogCalledRudis - that's been one of the problems with the decision - not sure if she has that degree of talent. Maybe. But maybe not the dedication anyway, and it takes more than just talent. People she's competing against have already decided it will be their career. Yes, aged 7. They are in general unbelievably driven, mature children. (Not mine!) Not sure we can make the sacrifices on a maybe...

OP posts:

Purplepoodle · 13/10/2014 21:22

Simple tell her you cant afford it and shes not outting the practice in. Lots of huffing and dramatics but she will get over it. Does her school notnhave lot's of afteschool clubs

Original poster

georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 21:22

Chipping - stop fishing for the hobby!!

OP posts:

LadyRabbit · 13/10/2014 21:23

OP I simply don't understand - if your child has natural talent and is already enjoying success then why would she stop having success?! To be good at anything requires practice - to be happy in life it helps doing something you love and are good at. I understand that it might be an expensive hobby but if your child is naturally good at it surely the thing is to encourage this? Where there's a will there's a way. I'm fairly certain it isn't go-karting that she's into, but think about someone like Lewis Hamilton who came from a very humble background and is now world class. His Dad found the money somehow to pay for what started out as an expensive hobby. What if your DC has that potential? I think so many people would be so much happier and much more successful if they pursued their hobbies as their livelihood - success in life comes from putting the hours in and anything worth having requires hours of practise. Better to put the blood sweat and tears into something you genuinely love and are good at than to spend your life doing something you don't really love. Yes she's only 7 - and that seems so young to nip something that could be so promising in the bud.

Idefix · 13/10/2014 21:23

If it is Irish dancing or something of that ilk I would deffo think of a steer away - whatever it takes. Practising 6 days a week?! Her body is young and if it is something that is putting high stress on young not fully developed body it may well end in tears. I am speaking from personal family experience.
As for how you do it she is 7 yrs old and so long as you don't dwell on it and you provide an enticing enjoyable alternative she is unlike to point the finger of accusation at you in later years. She will just remember from photos and trophies how she did this but then moved on to violin, horse riding, brownies.
Good luck with your decision.

Methe · 13/10/2014 21:26

It's a bit of a boring thread without knowing the hobby though.

If you don't want her to do it just tell her she can't do it any more. She is 7.

Original poster

georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 21:26

Purple poodle - I'm not so worried about how to tell her, more about whether it's the right thing. Am I BU to stop her doing the competitive side because a) it's really e

OP posts:

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