Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to 'encourage' my dd to give up her hobby?

297 replies

georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 20:53

My dd(7) has been doing a hobby very heavily for two years, including doing competitions, with a large amount of success (not a stealth boast, just setting the scene). However, for a number of reasons this success is likely to not continue, and I suspect it's a large part of why she has enjoyed the hobby.
It's a very expensive hobby, which we had no idea of when we got into it, and means we can't afford family holidays, affecting me, dh and dd(3). It also involves a lot of afternoons hanging around for dd(3) waiting for dd(7) to do her thing, when dd(3) would rather be playing at home.

Some of her school classmates have recently taken up the competitive side of the hobby, and now the competitiveness appears to be spilling over at school in a not very nice way. My dh and I for various reasons hate the competitions and wish we'd never got involved, and my dd is certainly nowhere near as enthusiastic as she was, and never wants to practise.

However, she wants to keep doing the competitions. Would I be unreasonable to 'encourage' her to just do the non competitive side of the hobby, or even to swap hobbies? She is interested in trying out some other hobbies, but we have no idea whether they would suit her.

OP posts:
ADishBestEatenCold · 13/10/2014 22:01

" funnily enough we rejected horse riding as a hobby upfront because of the expense!"

You were right to reject on that basis ... believe me, even a 7 year old will chalk up an awful lot more that £1000 a term if riding competitively.

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2014 22:03

Can't say the hobby - would out myself!

Errrm no it really wouldn't

Think about it...

Original poster
georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 22:03

StillSquirrelling - sorry if you're getting fed up with the post. Feel free to not post! I have to say, I'm really grateful for the posts from everyone so far, and have had a number of very similar anecdotes on here, so I think I'm still getting a good gauge of opinion without needing to say the hobby.

OP posts:
Original poster
georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 22:04

ADish - that's good to know!

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 13/10/2014 22:06

*ChippingIn Where is the expense? In the travel to the comps? The actual lessons? The outfits?
georgieporgie1 Mon 13-Oct-14 21:22:53
Chipping - stop fishing for the hobby!!

Oh please, do you really think I give a flying fuck what your 7yo DD does for a hobby?

I was simply going to try to suggest some ways of making it a little less hard on your pocket while you see how she gets on. I have quite a lot to do, with quite a lot of different hobbies, and though I might be able to help you a bit.

It's laughable that you think people give a flying fuck which hobby it is & that you think it's going to 'out' you, I mean, it's not like any other 7yo does it, is it.

Hmm
Original poster
georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 22:09

Chipping - sorry I seem to have upset you. It was supposed to be a fairly lighthearted comment while still not giving away the hobby.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 13/10/2014 22:14

Why do you all go to the competitions ,one of you should go and the other could stay home with your other child . If your daughter is doing a hobby 6 days a week I think its a bit mean getting her to stop ,that's quite a commitment from a seven yr old .

3luckystars · 13/10/2014 22:15

I think the feedback would have been a lot better if you had said what it is. Right now I think you should just do what's best for our family because none of us know what you are talking about. I hope. (Squinting around)

ChippingInLatteLover · 13/10/2014 22:16

Georgie - no you haven't upset me, you have annoyed me. I was trying to help you, but you seem to think that your DD's hobby is so interesting that I just want to know what she does. That is so self absorbed. Whatever it is, children up and down the country are doing it, it's not going to out you and it's, frankly, not that interesting.

I thought you wanted some help to work out how to deal with this and I thought maybe making it cheaper for a while until she works out whether she wants to carry on or not could be something worth looking at, but it seems not - it's just a 'look at me' thread. I'll leave you to it as I don't wish to derail the thread arguing about your motive here.

Original poster
georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 22:17

Floral - yes, it is quite a commitment, although she has said more recently that she thinks she is doing a bit too much of it. It has to be me with her at the competitions. Dh and dd2 sometimes come, but only if dd2 is not doing her own hobbies that day. I do feel a bit mean about it - that's why I came on here...
I should never have let her do it so much in the first place, but I just didn't realise quickly enough how it was getting out of control...

OP posts:
ItIsntJustAPhase · 13/10/2014 22:18

Will it be possible to scale back the number of practices and be unavailable for some competitions? That isn't mean.

QueenBean · 13/10/2014 22:18

Ok. I think it's figure skating. Anyone else want to place their bets and then eventually when the OP tells us we can be all smug with yourselves?

wannabestressfree · 13/10/2014 22:21

My sister started gymnastics at 2 and a half and by 7 was going five days a week. By eleven the rings a and the bars gave her such a bad fungal infection that everytime she competed they split open :/ she still has scars..... And a cracking six pack. We travelled all over with her, made easier by having older sibs who could take her. When it became a problem she gave up.

Original poster
georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 22:21

ItIsn't - we are gradually scaling back some practices, which we hope will help the situation, but I'm just impatient I think. The competitions are more tricky as we at times would be letting other people down.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 13/10/2014 22:21

Gymnastics?

3luckystars · 13/10/2014 22:21

Synchronised swimming with expensive flowery hats. There is only one child doing it in Europe so that's why she has to keep it on the down low.

QueenBean · 13/10/2014 22:24

Or maybe she is training to be the only female beefeater in the Tower of London? And she's spending all the money on those big fluffy bear hats?

Original poster
georgieporgie1 · 13/10/2014 22:24

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone - as I said, there have been lots of helpful anecdotes, perspectives and advice.

It's late now, so I'm off to bed, so sorry that I won't answer any more tonight. I'll check again in the morning.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
Honeezreturn · 13/10/2014 22:24

Maybe OPs daughter is the only one who has this hobby, thats why it will out her? Hmm
For whats its worth I reckon its gymnastics, we spent a fortune and alot of time at comps etc when DD did this from the age of 7-22 Shock

QueenBean · 13/10/2014 22:25

Whoops, I meant "one of...." (The first female beefeaters!

InfinitySeven · 13/10/2014 22:26

I wouldn't stop her from doing a hobby because you don't like it, and you think it's expensive.

Presumably you decided, at some point, to sacrifice family holidays to allow her to do it. And now that she has been doing it 6 days a week, and has built up a passion for it, taking it away would be mean.

You say that you're worried that she enjoys success more than the hobby. If that's true, her passion will naturally diminish. But that's not a bad thing. A lot of people are motivated solely by success, or money. That's okay. It might make her driven.

If she has limitations, help her to overcome them, or work around them.

I dread to think of the effect it would have if you took this away from her. She sounds very invested. I think this is probably a 'you made your bed, lie in it' situation.

Would it be possible for you and DD2 to do something while your DH is with DD1, if you dislike her hobby that much?

Surreyblah · 13/10/2014 22:27

Ok, so odds of 33:1, the hobby is walking in heels, and it will out OP because her DD1 is suri cruise/holmes.

weeblueberry · 13/10/2014 22:28

Maybe she's the 13 year old training to be an astronaut that was in the news this week....Wink

steff13 · 13/10/2014 22:29

I think it's fine to ask her to scale back if it's adversely affecting your family. But, I don't quite understand how she's not committed if she's going 6 days a week. That sounds like a fair bit of commitment - I only go to my job 5 days a week. Wink

DancingDinosaur · 13/10/2014 22:29

Hmm, ok, my bet, I think its dance. Ballet, tap, jazz, modern, musical theatre, all that stuff. With lots of dance festivals all over the country. Starts off small and before you know it.....

Swipe left for the next trending thread