to 'encourage' my dd to give up her hobby?

[georgieporgie1]

My dd(7) has been doing a hobby very heavily for two years, including doing competitions, with a large amount of success (not a stealth boast, just setting the scene). However, for a number of reasons this success is likely to not continue, and I suspect it's a large part of why she has enjoyed the hobby.
It's a very expensive hobby, which we had no idea of when we got into it, and means we can't afford family holidays, affecting me, dh and dd(3). It also involves a lot of afternoons hanging around for dd(3) waiting for dd(7) to do her thing, when dd(3) would rather be playing at home.

Some of her school classmates have recently taken up the competitive side of the hobby, and now the competitiveness appears to be spilling over at school in a not very nice way. My dh and I for various reasons hate the competitions and wish we'd never got involved, and my dd is certainly nowhere near as enthusiastic as she was, and never wants to practise.

However, she wants to keep doing the competitions. Would I be unreasonable to 'encourage' her to just do the non competitive side of the hobby, or even to swap hobbies? She is interested in trying out some other hobbies, but we have no idea whether they would suit her.

I thought tennis too - time consuming & that's around the age other children would start playing too.

As soon as someone says ''oooh i cant possibly tell you what 'it' is!'' the 'it' suddenly becomes unbearably fascinating

Loving all the who gives a fuck but WHAT the fuck is it?!

FWIW i think ALL children's hobbies which actually have a national competition standard will have the capacity to become expensive and time consuming - if the child excels at it and you allow them to progress. What is there does not involve some sort of equipment/uniform/costume/travel/entrance fees for the exams/ongoing tuition/accessories .... etc?

Whether or not something has become 'beyond reasonable' is something that can only be answered by the person or persons doing all the funding and physical support. Is it best for the rest of the family if the 7 year old stops the hobby? If so - it must stop is my opinion.

Gym, dance, horseriding, skating, sailing, tennis, music... can all be done as adult hobbies - so that is them out.

cheerleading and parkour not so much.

i'm struggling to think of a child only hobby with the op restrictions.

i wasn't bothered before, no i think detective work is my new hobby

Better to rein in the hobby when they're younger, especially if they are lacking in an aptitude and commitment to make such a family sacrifice worthwhile.

My mum sent me to dancing lessons. I enjoyed them, but had no talent, and we resisted the competition culture. It still wasn't cheap. She was fed up of the time slots of the lessons, and resisting the changing room culture of the parents. She was greatly received when I finally consented to stop at 15. We mutually agreed that GCSEs, and a show were going to be a bad combination, and other hobbies at school impacted my attendance. There was also the exam that I was never put in for, even though I was more ready than several peers who went through it.

I picked up the hobby again for a couple of years and enjoyed the casual culture if an adult class.

A hobby should be fun, not a stress for the family.

Beauty Pageants? Fits all the criteria- child's body shape/looks aren't going to be right for adult modelling............

Are there really hobbies that are this competitive for 7 year olds? I don't know that much - but even things like football aren't supposed to be competitive until junior school, are they?

My children's hobby (okay... before people are desperate to find out what they do, it's running) doesn't really get competitive until the U13 age category.

I'm wondering if it's something like synchro skating, since there's a comment from the OP about it being difficult to let people down. I can't see that it would be "ordinary" figure skating - it's dead easy to not do a competition for that, you just don't enter, nobody else is affected. But seven is very young for synchro, it tends to be teens.

Are there team gymnastics or dance competitions? I can see that being really awkward - you're committed to what the team's signed up for. But again, that's odd, because surely her classmates would be in the same team, not competing against her?

Tennis - again, who would she be letting down? Do little ones play doubles?

If it is a team situation, my recommendation would be to get out of the "team" part of the hobby at the end of the year/term/whenever's most practical and go for the solo option at a level which is manageable. If kiddy has the realisation that in fact it's her heart's desire and she actively wants to start practicing 6 days a week (which: wow, and I say that as mum of a former child figure skater) then they can reconsider in a year or so - and it will be obvious if the child is prepared to practice because she wants to practice, rather than because she's committed to it so mum makes sure it happens.

I don't think it's purely a question of "is it best for the rest of the family if the hobby stops." It's always going to be best for the rest of the family if a talented child stops doing something which requires significant commitment - there will be more money and time available. It's also got to be weighed against what the child can get from it. It would be MUCH better for me if I didn't spend half my weekends taking my daughter training. I imagine it would be much better for all the other parents too. Bit of a shame for them sat at home watching the Olympics in ten years and thinking "that could have been me."

Trainspotting? A decent cagoule can be quite expensive. Then there's all the pencils, notebooks, weak lemon drinks.....

some solo sports have a team aspect - we did competitive trampolining for some years, and although you competed individually, those scores added up across the team. So one good person pulling out meant that the team wasn't scoring enough points.

Gymnastics will be the same (plus they start the huge quantities of training much earlier than tramp), and if you need team leotards etc then the kit costs rocket up. An individually designed leotard is upwards of £80 (and clubs will have their own specific comp leotard and tracksuit), plus if you're training 6 times a week, with the best will in the world you need a minimum of four training leotards (which could also be club specific, therefore ££).

With gymnastics it's perfectly possible for 7 year olds to be determined that is their career - trouble is, that career is going to be quite short-lived .

I bet it's bloody Irish dancing. Nobody carries it on past age 18, except for the odd girl who starts her own classes. But by then the poor fucking parents have already spent thousands on dresses, wigs and transport.

DD did it for six months, and then swapped to violin. Thank god!

I thought of irish dancing too.

skylark and mrs mook and others since last night - thank you, more helpful and interesting comments from you.

morethan - thank you for sticking up for me concerning the 'outing'.

I'm sorry to everyone who is asking about the hobby, (despite 'not giving a ff' about it), but yes, morethan is right, it's not that the hobby itself is particularly obscure, it is the combination of the family info I have given here and on other threads, together with the commitment level of the hobby, that would definitely run the risk of outing me to anyone who knows me in RL, even if you think that's impossible if you don't know me. Pretty sure one person who I know in RL who posts on here will already know it's me.

Also I have been able to get some really useful opinions on here without giving the info, so it's obviously not totally necessary.

Oh, of course it's a Irish dancing! The dresses can cost a grand- and the wigs are 50 quid. And that's before the shoes and the sock glue!

Sock glue ?

Skating could cost that much...but you wouldn't be spending that particularly at 7 in this country. And it wouldn't be something that the classmates would all have careers mapped out in!

Fluffy- if you have a spare 5 minutes and want to be appalled, google Irish Dancing Dresses. All your sock glue questions will be answered. The wigs are a particular favourite of mine.......

Christ, she's 7, what's wrong with the guides or Brownies?

The cost per term is too high for tennis unless flying to mainland from Shetland. The LTA also recommend younger DC play more than one sport for broader physical development/co-ordination/team spirit so wouldn't be such a dilemma.

The Irish dancing wig is a new concept since my childhood. The dresses and hard shoes were always insanely expensive, but competitors had their own hair curled into ringlets, rather than dance in wigs, which I find a bit freaky. Not to mention the 'infant hooker'-style make up... Sock glue is also news to me. Our socks gradually slipped down our skinny little legs.

I would let her continue with the competitions for a while even if she is not practising enough. As she slides down the results boards she will either go back to training in which case support her or she will choose to walk away as much less fun. So a little more time will resolve the matter anyway.

She is 7. You are an adult . Simple .

I'm sure that if you tell her, either now or in the future, that the whole family is going without because of her, she'd be absolutely mortified!

And Irish Dancing mothers are the worst! Literally. And I have braved ballet, gym and Pony Club mothers. I've never met a real life Pageant mum, but judging by what I've seen on telly, they are in the same league.

disclaimer - I don't have an Irish dancer, thank God, but my niece is one.

She's obviously not going to tell us. But there can't be many 'hobbies' a five year old (she said she's been competing for two years) can compete seriously in surely. That narrows it down a lot as to what it could be.

If it's impacting so much that family holidays can't be afforded then I'd been having a rethink. If she'd shown talent and future potential and was committed, that would be a different matter, however.

Tricky one!
Not really fair to make her give up something she really enjoys but at the same time it seems to be having a detrimental impact on the rest of the family. Your youngest DD won't stand for it forever either, there will come a point when she wants to go and participate in her chosen hobby and why should DD1's hobby mean that DD2 can't do what she wants because of lack of funds / time etc?