to 'encourage' my dd to give up her hobby?

[georgieporgie1]

My dd(7) has been doing a hobby very heavily for two years, including doing competitions, with a large amount of success (not a stealth boast, just setting the scene). However, for a number of reasons this success is likely to not continue, and I suspect it's a large part of why she has enjoyed the hobby.
It's a very expensive hobby, which we had no idea of when we got into it, and means we can't afford family holidays, affecting me, dh and dd(3). It also involves a lot of afternoons hanging around for dd(3) waiting for dd(7) to do her thing, when dd(3) would rather be playing at home.

Some of her school classmates have recently taken up the competitive side of the hobby, and now the competitiveness appears to be spilling over at school in a not very nice way. My dh and I for various reasons hate the competitions and wish we'd never got involved, and my dd is certainly nowhere near as enthusiastic as she was, and never wants to practise.

However, she wants to keep doing the competitions. Would I be unreasonable to 'encourage' her to just do the non competitive side of the hobby, or even to swap hobbies? She is interested in trying out some other hobbies, but we have no idea whether they would suit her.

Gotta be gymnastics.

My 2 year old has just started and I literally went at £58 for a leotard!!!

I really think you're being a bit precious not saying though! How the hell will it out you!

My guess is gynmastics, too. Although I don't know how it would out OP; every little kid around here does gymnastics.

georgie

FWIW, I understand how what you say can out you or your dd quite easily.
It isn't necessarily the interest (not a hobby with her previous commitment) moreover the level she is doing it and the fact that maybe the actual club isn't so popular.
Also, if like me you post a lot if you name things they show up on searches etc. I am exactly the same with an organisation dd is involved with, some posters have guessed but not named on here for that reason.
I think you are very wise to protect your daughter.
Out of interest you say she plays 2 instruments, does she find time to practice these.

Why the insistence that the OP tell? She has said she doesn't want to, and if that means that you can't offer meaningful advice, surely the best response is just to leave the thread rather than harangue her about it. Wishing to protect her daughter's privacy online is something to be applauded, not mocked and I really don't understand why so many people are making snide comments about it.

Fairy - there are much much cheaper leotards!

I've clicked as my daughter does gym at a v competitive club. They increasingly want them to attend more and I don't know if its what I want fo my (nearly 6 ) year old. I lvoe the things shes learning to do, and her fitness level, and she enjoys it - but I dont think I want all the competitions. I want her to swim, learn an instrument etc as well.

Also I chose it over ballet as it was so much cheaper.... at 2 hours a week its ok, but many more it gets expensive!

Is she practicing 2 instruments at 7 ?! I missed that. Is that normal then? I was recommended to wait until 7 to start...

I'm reading this and feeling really glad that my kids ride and haven't been sucked into the weird and expensive world of gymnastics! My daughter will undoubtedly have great talent when it comes to poniez, but atm just owing a couple of them and having a bit of fun (she is only 7, ffs!) is rather nice, and there is plenty of time yet to get competitive. The gym-mums from my daughters school that I know on Facebook, however, seem to be driven in a terrifying way! Pony Club requires a 7yo to attend one rally a month. Gymnastics requires a 7yo to commit to 12 hours a week practice! Its mad.

Depends on the instrument I guess. My dd started piano at 6. And now she's just taken up another instrument. (If you can call the recorder an instrument that is. It makes my ears bleed).

In our house, if you don't practice the hobbies where practice is expected by teachers/coaches, then I won't sign you up for next term. Hasn't happened yet. Not that practice is always done with good grace... And I parrot off this rule on a regular basis.

And if DDs fun hobby gets in the way of homework or music practice, then fun hobby has to go. Again, I've not had to deliver on that.

DDs are a bit older, 12 and 10. But the first rule is in place with 3 years.

Generally though, if DDs love a hobby, I'm right there behind them supporting them and making it happen.

If it's so niche that naming the hobby would out you then who is she up against in these endless competitons??

My money is on sailing.

Lovely

It might not just be about naming the hobby though, especially if the OP has posted on other threads about other aspects that could be linked.
I really don't think she is being precious folks.

I think it's dancing too.
I did it, my sisters did it, my boys did it and now my dds are dancing.
I've spent my life supporting and paying for it.
Dd adores it so I can't stop her.
I have to say tho, I do think a good hobby keeps teens from getting into trouble.

MomOfTwo

Isn't music a fun hobby. My dd takes it really seriously and practices for 5 hours a day atm, but if it wasn't fun she wouldn't want to do it. Who would?

This is like the "moral responsibility to share recipes" thread

OP - my daughter and her hobby are so interesting I am starting a thread about it. come and talk to me about the hobby!
mn - [being pleasant and trying to show an interest] what is the hobby?
OP - NO NO NO NO NO YOU CAN RACK ME AND TORTURE ME AND THREATEN ME WITH THE DENTAL IMPLEMENTS BUT I WILL NOT DISCLOSE THE HOBBY!
MN - erm, alright then love (goes back to Heat magazine)

I'm curious as to what the hobby could be, and just how niche, that it could 'out' somebody.

Can you compete (correct me if I'm wrong) in gymnastics at five years? I thought the minimum age was at least six. My guess is dance competitions.

Agree with the scaling back. Especially if you cannot afford it easily and it's affecting your family life.

If several of her classmates are also doing it; how unusual can it possibly be?? . How bloody attention seeking

Right. It can't be gymnastics, dance, pageants, horses or anything like that cos thousands of kids do that and this will apparently out op.
So, my guess is.....rhythmic sky diving

Parkour?

Just wondering in to poke dancing dinosaur with the sharp end of a descent recorder. Ill set the recorder playing massive of mn on you I will!

Blooming lovely when well played. All 3 of mine are grade 8 plus. The elder two somewhat blindsided the A2 examiners in their recitals by umm playing real music exceptionally well one one of those ' kids recorder things' lol. Suspect DS was particularly unusual being a 6foot plus rugby player choosing a recorder recital too!

Feeling smug that ours drifted to music, fortunately it's never cost quite as much as the ops interesting hobby.

I see I'm not the first to mention dancing. Now that does take over your life doesn't it!

vezzie

arethey

It is better to pull the plug early before the sacrifice becomes too much and appears the effort wasted. Especially if othe DC lose out.
As a child competes against other children -- of corse trophies and medals will rain. But as a child grows, competition will be not against children, but against athletes, musicians, or whatever she does.

Just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting horse riding competitively, more for fun as a nice, healthy activity. I'm lucky that there's a place near us that charges €12 a half hour ride, but they only go occasionally as a treat because I can't be arsed we are busy with other things. A lesson or ride a week I can't imagine would cost much more than £250 for a ten week term. Am open to correction.

I don't think everything needs to be competitive. My two youngest play soccer, but since their club joined a league the competitive aspect has taken the fun out of it somewhat IMO.

I agree morethan, in our house piano lessons are a privilege, you have to really want them. My dc love their lessons, if they didn't I wouldn't waste our money. God knows I could use it to replace our broken kitchen/hallway door

There were things I wanted to do as a child that I couldn't because as the eldest of 3 my parents felt they couldn't afford it as they'd have to give the same level of money and time to the hobbies of my younger sibs and they a) couldn't afford it and b) wanted to enjoy their evenings and weekends and not spend all their time ferrying us around.
I was upset at the time not to do horse riding and ballet but as a parent now I think they were wise. We did more stuff together as a family on weekends and were just allowed 1 paid for but not expensive evening activity a week each in addition to the church youth group if we chose to go there (and we all did). Hobbies requiring the whole family to traipse round the country for competitions weren't on.
My kids have ended up with more freedom but in general their competitive sport hobbies had to be linked to stuff we did as parents unless their club had a minibus that would take them, and as we are divorced we avoided weekend activities when they were young as spending time with their parent as a family was considered more important (we're both now atheists so no church youth groups this generation)

Theas

I saw that comment and was going to post not to let Waffle hear this.

Alf

I didn't mean to come across as judgemental but just talking logically really.
There is no point in any hobby if you don't enjoy it and with something that needs lots of practice you have to really want to do it to be motivated to practice.
If its hard work, boring, it's not worth it