To think NO, she's not 'lucky' or 'spoilt'

[strawberrycupcakedream]

I know, I am bu but I'm wound up.

Dsis turned 18 on Wednesday and she's posted the pictures of the cards, balloons, presents up on Facebook saying thank you. She's got £100 I. Primark vouchers and money mainly. Also flowers and a new dress and shoes to wear for party, and pjs.

So she's apparently 'so lucky' and 'spoilt' and people are 'jealous.'

Dsis will never walk again. She can't move her arms properly, only a bit to use her iPad (which was given to her as an award.) she can't talk properly either. Has to have someone do everything for her including wipe her bum.

So I know I'm bu and people don't mean any harm but seriously can't they just say lovely presents.

Because she's not lucky at all.

Is it her friends saying it? If so, it sounds like they're responding as they would to anyone, just treating her like an 18yo who's got good presents, not as someone with a disability.

The answer, I think, is not to put all this detail on Facebook.

I am so sorry about your sister. I really hope she managed to enjoy her presents. The people who gave them to her are kind, thoughtful and her real friends.
The others should be blocked from Facebook. They are not nice people.

General people 99 - not her friends or mine or carers or neighbours or anything. Just all the comments relate to be being lucky, being spoilt, wishing they were her (really )

Of course you're quite right and I'm having a little vent on here as I can't possibly in real life!

She doesn't see much of her old friends now which is understandable in a way but very, very sad in another.

They are just standard FB responses. You are over thinking it.

If those comments are meant in a spiteful way then that is truly depressing. Are you sure they're not meant in a nice way though. I believe that 'well jel' is a compliment amongst 'the young people' nowadays!

I don'50t think that someone saying that you are lucky to get presents or that they are jealous is wrong. Spoilt in the right context is also OK, e.g. Haven't your family spoilt you for your birthday.

I'd say she's lucky that people were so generous to her on her birthday but that certainly doesn't make her spoilt and jealousy is a horrible emotion in any situation. I suspect people are talking about her birthday and her situation as 2 completely separate things.

I agree with 99problems

I think that is an 18 year olds way of saying 'lovely presents'

Frogs did you misunderstand somewhere? What detail? Dsis just put up pictures of her presents.

They are nice people, of course they are, they mean well but lucky - dsis isn't.

Why is her facebook not secure and restricted to friends only? She is a vulnerable person and allowing her to have low security is not wise

Oh sorry, just seen it wasn't her friends.

I think that's just what people say and it's meant in a nice way.

I really don't think people can mean anything bad by this.

It is just the way some people express compliments etc. quite normal IMO. Like after my birthday,, a colleague asked me "oh, did you get spoilt rotten?" All she meant was "did you have a good day". I think your dsis has friend who are retreating her normally, not handling her with kid gloves.

Can I just say - it isn't 18 year olds.

Dsis hasn't many friends these days.

I think it's the word spoilt I've got particularly strong objections to - but I am overthinking it (which I did acknowledge.)

They meant she was lucky to get such generous presents. Surely you can see that?

I don't think your bu, but your over invested, obviously (!) as it's your dsis. When I was 18 I got a coat and some new shoes, posted photos on fb along with my cards etc and I had exactly the same sort of comments... Maybe look at it as it's lovely that people are treating her 'normally'?
I feel for you though

Dilligaf, the OP doesn't say her sister if cognitively impaired. Bit patronising to suggest an 18yo can't decide her own facebook settings.

I see what are you saying but I do think people were trying to write something nice and it might sound thoughtless.

What does your sister think?

Okay - misunderstandings are abounding

Her friends - are her Facebook friends, I meant that it isn't just kids commenting but an array of people many of whom are well into their twenties and thirties.

In any case, if she wanted to have her Facebook wide open, she can make that decision herself, just like any other eighteen year old.

I think where her situation is concerned a wee bit of sensitivity would be nice if I am honest. That doesn't mean handing with kid gloves but acknowledging that a few presents and cash does not in any way make up for what she will now never have.

Well jell is a compliment.

Yes she is lucky to have so many gifts.

I think you're misinterpreting the comments. 'Ooooh you're so lucky' or 'lucky you being spoilt on your birthday' are, in my opinion, nice, bland things to say in response to someone posting photos of their birthday presents. Surely you don't want people to define your sister by her disability and to only make grave and solemn comments.

Well, firstly do those random posters know the full details of your Dsis' circumstances and secondly if they are responding in the way that they would to any other 18 year old then (an the comments are not intentionally spiteful) then I kinda think that's ok. How does your Dsis feel about them, it might be nice just to have people teasingly saying she's spoilt or that they're jealous of her nice stuff rather than having everything filtered through a lens of pity. I'm not in anyway saying YABU just trying to offer a different perspective as it sounds like this is very upsetting for you. I'm really sorry that you're sister has all these additional needs and that she's not seeing as much of her friends, I hope she did have a good birthday and is enjoying her pressies.

Can you see the "lucky" comment just in connection with the present/birthday
bit, separate it from her situation?

Captain, seriously, thank you.

I am overthinking it. I've said that more than once.

But can't people appreciate it still grates a tiny bit?

More so for her as she has to watch these 'un' lucky, non spoilt friends turn eighteen and travel, learn to drive, go to university, go on mad nights out, go to the beach, laugh and jump and run and scream.

Can you just try to imagine how hard it is watching a young girl having to watch that from the outside and then the same young people brightly say she's "lucky"?

Obviously they mean no harm. But can people not see it's a bit upsetting for us both?