To think NO, she's not 'lucky' or 'spoilt'

[strawberrycupcakedream]

I know, I am bu but I'm wound up.

Dsis turned 18 on Wednesday and she's posted the pictures of the cards, balloons, presents up on Facebook saying thank you. She's got £100 I. Primark vouchers and money mainly. Also flowers and a new dress and shoes to wear for party, and pjs.

So she's apparently 'so lucky' and 'spoilt' and people are 'jealous.'

Dsis will never walk again. She can't move her arms properly, only a bit to use her iPad (which was given to her as an award.) she can't talk properly either. Has to have someone do everything for her including wipe her bum.

So I know I'm bu and people don't mean any harm but seriously can't they just say lovely presents.

Because she's not lucky at all.

moaning I don't think your post was particularly helpful to the OP.

moaning you sound like the one that needs therapy - why are you so determined to have a go at the OP?

It seems perfectly clear to me and others that the OP is justifiably irked by some people's insensitive turn of phrase - as she has every right to be.

I honestly don't know how many times I can explain I know I'm BU and that it's just upset not exactly anger.

It's really really unfair to make out I'm raging with anger. Obviously I'm upset and obviously I'm going to be cross at posts accusing us of wanting pity but I'm not picking a fight. I'm just sad.

Strawberry, my heart goes out to you. I think you sound like a wonderful, caring sister and I cannot imagine how hard things must be for you and your Dsis. I don't think you are BU to feel as you do - it's only natural to be angry and sad in the circumstances. Huge hug and wishing you well for the future.

Like I said OP some people are just thick.

Dim. Dense. They do not get it and no amount of explaining will help.

So if your sister wins the rollover in the Euromillions, are people allowed to say she is lucky then?

I would have thought that having experienced awful bad luck at some stage does not mean you can't still be lucky at some point in the future but what do I know?

I guess you're right Middleton

Language is so important to people. They haven't meant to offend but you have a right to feel offended all the same. Try and take solace that it is coming from a good place and they probably would be mortified that they'd hurt your feelings. You sound like a fab sister.

What a 'crass' and irrelevant example to give Choc. I suppose a load of money might not really compensate for being unable to talk and being paralysed from the neck down. So 'no' really, even if her sister 'won' the lottery she may not feel ' 'lucky'.

Chocovore - the OP and her sister have been through a terribly traumatic and life changing time. The OP knows that she is unreasonable to a degree - she is hurting and just wants to be able to say she is hurting, frustrated and angry here as she knows she can't in real life.

"Lucky" is a bit of a loaded word in these circumstances, even if people mean no harm. Just let the OP sound off and have space to do so.

By choc's logic she is lucky as she got money in compensation.

I suppose people aren't going to get it. This scares me for the future to be honest.

Bambini thank you Thank you for understanding.

Op, if it would be helpful I can ask mnhq (or you can) to move this from Ainu into either bereavement or somewhere else more relevant.
This thread is a perfect example of the fact you can't control what people write or think is helpful on the internet - me included. But at the heart of it all is a very young woman who has gone through a really really hard time and is now trying to support her sister who is younger, similarly bereaved and now paralysed and unable to communicate.
Op do you have older relatives or family friends who are looking out for both of you? 22 is very young to be without parents, even without all the other difficulties.

Thank you stealth but don't worry - it's honestly fine as the lovely replies have been enough and maybe that's what we need to focus on for future!

It's a different life and honestly most of the time she's great. But every now and then you get a stark reminder of what was and what could have been and that happened with turning 18. You know?

moaning..... your lack of empathy for someone who has had such a raw deal in life is astounding.

At no point have i lacked empathy for the Dsis predicament.

I am just pissed off with the Op for putting a spin on my words which wasn't there.

I understand, I do not think for one second you are BU for feeling this way. Someone very very close to me is incurably ill. I am very very careful under what circumstances I call them 'lucky' or 'spoilt' for anything, there are times it is appropriate (in the scheme of our relationship) but under many circumstances it just isn't any more. It doesn't take much to think carefully how something is worded, to say 'lucky' is careless and throw away and suggests you cba to think of a better comment. Whether or not these people are entirely out of order with regards to their comments I can't say, I don't know them or you personally, however you have every right to feel this way. I'm really sorry to hear of the most horrendous time you've had, you're clearly a wonderful sister.

Mini you asked if I just wanted people to pity her.

If you don't want people to put an unpleasant spin on your words then don't say unpleasant things then get pissed off when people point out they're unpleasant.

How old are you OP? You have had a lifetime of grief in such a short space of time. I am so sorry for all your losses. X

Moaning the OP has lost both her parents in the accident that paralysed her ltitle sister.

Can you try and empathise with that. You say you have but I can't see it.

OP have you had any counselling for what's happened?

You sound like such a strong young woman, doing the best in a tragic situation.

Thank you mrs

She is honestly lovely and family / those who are left - are great. So I would say

Yes am having counselling thanks and they (it's a husband and wife team supporting us) are great. It's really helped. I was honestly a mess at first!

I'm glad your counselling is helping. What's happened is enormous, life changing. It will take time for you to come near to accepting what's happened. Be kind to yourself, lean on those that offer help and take one day at a time.

All my sympathy to your dsis - but is it possible that it is a pleasant change for her if people say (lightheartedly) they are jealous, instead of pitying her? I guess it depends on who says it though.

Sorry I didnt read the whole thread. So sorry for your family's tragedy.