Being told to use self service till by customer in front of me

[Sazzle41]

I was just in my local mini Tesco at the till manned by member of staff and the customer in front of me - half my age, male, mid 20's, nose ring turned round, pointed at the self service tills & said, "they are free".

WTAF? I was queueing at the manned till to get the Gin behind the counter. (Well its Friday!). Even if i didnt want what was behind the counters, why is it of any consequence to him where the person BEHIND queues? I am afraid he got "I'm fine here" and my death stare. Then, his mate chips in: "He's trying to help". Help? Why do i need 'help'? Is queueing far to difficult for a middle aged woman? Dont know why i am so hacked off to be honest but this really grated... we dont all like self service either, some of us prefer human contact. It felt like 'lets tell the dumb blonde /little woman what to do" to be frank. Grrr...

SirChenj That's some imagination you've got there Chelsy.

I like to put it as being that the more well adjusted amongst us term it intuition.

hth.

Mind you, no accounting for the posters who are so delighted that a great man speaks to them, however briefly, that they go all out tripping over themselves so as not to inconvenience him.

Why oh why did I come back to look at this crazy thread!

Oh well - at least that astonishing sentence has given me a good laugh. Are there really people in the world who think like this?

Exactly Chelsy - that's some imagination you've got there. Hth.

Depending on whether I felt ragey about something or not I would probably have said (re the self service machines) "Yes, so there is" and carried on day dreaming or, "yeah but the gin is here" (pointing).

I don't particulary like using the machines - it means they get away with using less staff (less work opportunities) and also I have noticed twice in a Tescos that I have had the wrong change come out the machine.

I find that it's often quicker to queue up than use the bloody things. Particularly if you have wine which needs a member of staff to authorise it, or the discounted items which it can't cope with.

"The op asked for the opinions of people who weren't there.

This is true of all threads on this board."

I get that, but it's usually a question of AIBU given what I have told you about the situation. Not AIBU to tell you the situation because I need you to tell me it didn't actually happen like that. That's a little different IMO.

What she told us of the situation was that a man in his twenties with a nose ring pointed to the self serve tills, said they were free, stared at her in a manner which came over as aggressive to her - and in return for him deciding (in his head as opposed to verbalising this feelings) that queueing was far too difficult for a middle aged woman and making her feel like 'lets tell the dumb blonde /little woman what to do" she gave him a death stare.

Some posters have agreed that it was absolutely the case of him being an arrogant man trying to tell a woman what to do, others have questioned whether there might have been another way of interpreting "they are free". Not "it didn't actually happen like that", more a "it could have simply been X". Thing is, we all do and say things in a split second which may be construed in a manner in which we didn't actually intend them - but the vast majority of people don't go around looking to intimidate or abuse or make extreme judgements of others, be they male of female.

But why would we immediately jump to tell here what it might hve been, when she in fact was pretty sure it was aggressive?

You might argue with all the embellishment of the aggression; but the essential - the aggression - why would you argue that a woman doesn't recognise that when she sees it?

Most of us bend over backwards to give random people the benefit of the doubt and only decide that they are being aggressive/ unreasonable/ scary/ weird when it would be stretching it too far not to recognise it.

Why assume that the OP is so different to most of us that she immediately unreasonably jumps to the conclusion that someone is aggressive when he is in fact, a mild, blameless youth only trying to help?

If she was so sure that it was aggressive why bother posting at all?

AIBU to think that he was looking at me in an aggressive manner and actually meant that I was nothing more than a bumb blonde/little middle aged woman when he said what he did?

YABU - he was probably just pointing out that other tills were available and not thinking that at all.

No - he was being aggressive and arrogant, and all of you who think otherwise are just wrong.

But given that the OP has not posted today I suspect that she's moved on, enjoyed her gin, and not really thought about it since. Which is a good thing.

Well the OP has mentioned the bad physical assault she suffered 12m previously from a similarly aged man, and that it might have had some effect on how she reacted; but she has also said that his stare was intimidating and that she knows the difference between that and someone just being helpful.

And on that note, I really can't be arsed continuing to ponder the whys and wherefores of what a total stranger might or might not have meant, so will leave you to it.

but the vast majority of people don't go around looking to intimidate or abuse or make extreme judgements of others, be they male of female.

As a small woman myself, in my experience there are quite a few men out there who do deliberately try to intimidate you just for the sake of it, by saying something bossy/commandeering or hectoring. Very rarely something really offensive, but just annoying and unnecessary. As if they think they have the right to boss you around when you are doing something perfectly reasonable. Like queuing in the supermarket.

Its a small minority, but I know it happens. And its hardly beyond the grounds of probability that it happened to the OP. I still cannot for the life of me see what it is about someone standing behind you in a supermarket queue that sparks a need to issue them with verbal instructions to go elsewhere.