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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being told to use self service till by customer in front of me

213 replies

Sazzle41 · 10/10/2014 13:00

I was just in my local mini Tesco at the till manned by member of staff and the customer in front of me - half my age, male, mid 20's, nose ring turned round, pointed at the self service tills & said, "they are free".

WTAF? I was queueing at the manned till to get the Gin behind the counter. (Well its Friday!). Even if i didnt want what was behind the counters, why is it of any consequence to him where the person BEHIND queues? I am afraid he got "I'm fine here" and my death stare. Then, his mate chips in: "He's trying to help". Help? Why do i need 'help'? Is queueing far to difficult for a middle aged woman? Dont know why i am so hacked off to be honest but this really grated... we dont all like self service either, some of us prefer human contact. It felt like 'lets tell the dumb blonde /little woman what to do" to be frank. Grrr...

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 12/10/2014 02:11

I'm sure the op has eyes, therefore he didn't need to be 'helpful' and point out the self service tills.

What business is it of his where the op queues?

The fact his mate stood up for him

And his little friend sticking up for him? Bless, what was he, 12?

differentnameforthis · 12/10/2014 02:30

So all those saying yabu. Do you think he would have said the same to a 40 year old man?

from what op said about him, no, I don't think he would have!

MiddletonPink · 12/10/2014 08:23

Beryl you're spot on imo.

AskBasil · 12/10/2014 09:33

Why do people still keep posting that he was only trying to be helpful?

The OP has clearly stated that she perceives he was NOT trying to be helpful.

So why are women so keen to queue up and tell other women, that their perceptions are wrong?

I find that really strange. Really strange. Confused

SirChenjin · 12/10/2014 09:51

Other posters (myself included) have suggested that he might simply have been trying to be helpful when he uttered those 3 innocuous words (ie giving a different viewpoint), whereas the OP has decided he was being aggressive/unhelpful/whatever. Sometimes it helps to see things from a different perspective, and sometimes it takes others to point things out.

If you find that strange then that's your lookout. I find it strange that the OP has formed such a strong opinion if him during a conversation none of us were party to, and then posted looking for our opinions on something she had already made her mind up on, with any alternative views classed as incorrect or strange. But that's my lookout.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 12/10/2014 09:53

Me too basil

MiddletonPink · 12/10/2014 10:07

I'm helpful. I look out for people where I can. I try and be a nice person.

However I wouldn't tell someone behind me in the queue that there were free self check outs available.

It's nothing to do with me and I would have presumed that said person wasn't blind and could see for herself that they were free.

Who knows why he said it? But in the same situation I would have laughed and said thanks but I'm ok here.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 12/10/2014 10:13

Well if he was, as the YABU -ers say, only trying to be helpful then it went a bit tits up didn't it!

Being helpful would have been offering to buy the Gin for her!

Really can't see why he thought telling that other tills are free is helping her. Why the fuck should she care? I can think of a time when I was remotely interested in the person behind me at a checkout. It's usually the one in front of me that I notice if they're are either dozying about and holding me up.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 12/10/2014 10:15

can't think

Stupid phone!

SirChenjin · 12/10/2014 10:37

It's immaterial what anyone else thinks he should have said or done - he's entitled to think and say what he likes too. He wasn't being abusive, or aggressive - he merely said "they are free". The fact that this can be construed as the patriarchy at work (I paraphrase, obv), or aggressive, or whatever, is mind boggling. It's such a complete non event - "they are free", "no, I'm fine here", end of.

MiddletonPink · 12/10/2014 10:46

And the OP was entitled to be pissed off.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 12/10/2014 10:51

The Op is entitled to be pissed off too.

But she's been told to chill out/get a grip etc.

SirChenjin · 12/10/2014 11:05

Of course - if she feels like being pissed off at "they are free" she can be pissed off. A better way of approaching it would have been to let it go - far more positive, less emotional response to something which may or may not have been nothing more than "they are free". Forget it and move on - life is too short to be pissed off over something as trivial as 'man with nose ring said something which may have meant X'

fizzymittens · 12/10/2014 11:07

This thread is so bizarre. I suggest that people re-read the OP's first post. The way it is phrased tells you all that you need to know about the OP's slant on the situation.
She is clearly annoyed that a younger man (half my age) with a nose ring dares to address her and even though his words are helpful she takes massive offence.
She is angry our of all proportion (WTAF?) and then glares at him with her death stare.
She is clearly feeling sensitive about her age as she feels the need to mention the fact that he is younger than her and that she is middle aged.
And then to extrapolate from this exchange that he is being a sexist pig and 'telling the dumb blonde/little woman what do to' seems to me to be rather OTT.

Yes the OP is entitled to be pissed off but others are entitled to say to her that they think she has overreacted and that maybe she is looking for offence where there is none. I think that she probably realises this in any case or why post here asking the question?

fizzymittens · 12/10/2014 11:08

Sorry not all of my bolding has worked but you get the idea.

SirChenjin · 12/10/2014 11:09

Agree Fizzy

AskBasil · 12/10/2014 11:28

"He wasn't being abusive, or aggressive - he merely said "they are free". The fact that this can be construed as the patriarchy at work (I paraphrase, obv), or aggressive, or whatever, is mind boggling. It's such a complete non event"

The OP tells us he was being aggressive.

Were you there?

She was.

Why do you think you're more qualified to decide whether he was being abusive or aggressive than she was when she was there and you weren't?

Or perhaps you were there?

Are you in fact, a youth with a nose ring? Grin

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 12/10/2014 11:29

I think it was the tone of how he said 'they are free' that was the issue for the op.

MiddletonPink · 12/10/2014 11:32

I really don't see this as a s exist exchange.

More likely that he wanted rid of her for some other reason. God knows.

fizzymittens · 12/10/2014 11:36

I give up.

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/10/2014 11:49

Ask

The op asked for the opinions of people who weren't there.

This is true of all threads on this board.

SirChenjin · 12/10/2014 12:09

Exactly Alis. If the OP had already decided that nose-ring twenty something bloke was aggressive why bother posting for opinions? Unless, of course, we are supposed to agree wholeheartedly that it's patently obvious he was an aggressive, sexist, ageist bastard Hmm

ChelsyHandy · 12/10/2014 12:19

I read the whole thing as him being an irritable, stuck up bastard, annoyed that another customer had the temerity to queue in a supermarket behind him. So he told her to go elsewhere. He made the OP uncomfortable.

Unless the OP was breaching the Rules on Standing Too Close to the Person in Front, which she might have been, its an unknown variable. Otherwise he was being an arse in pointing out the obvious, that there was a self service till available. Is there also anyone out there who actually needs instruction on how to use self service tills (as other posters have offered)?

Is there anyone in the UK who doesn't already know this? Who has difficulty in understanding how supermarkets work? Are short queues of one person behind you so revolting that you have to try and persuade people to move so that you can have a personal till, uninterrupted by other shoppers.

Of course he was being U. He had a God complex. There is no way he would have said this to a male shopper. It would all have been "All right mate, bit slow today innit?"

Mind you, no accounting for the posters who are so delighted that a great man speaks to them, however briefly, that they go all out tripping over themselves so as not to inconvenience him.

MiddletonPink · 12/10/2014 12:21

It wouldn't have mattered a jot if the OP hadn't described the appearance of this young man to me.

That's a red herring.

No matter what he looked like it would have still bugged the OP I imagine?

SirChenjin · 12/10/2014 12:26

That's some imagination you've got there Chelsy.