New boyfriend called me a 'project'.

[proseccofiend]

First time poster. Please be nice. Been seeing a lovely guy since June. Met OLD. Not to dripfeed, but on Saturday after a fun night out after a few wines, we had a bit of an argument. I know I can be bolshy and assertive. Fiesty is probably a nicer term though! I am younger than him, but only by a few years (I am late twenties) He told me he didn't want a 'project' but otherwise really liked me. I told him it is not a Taming of the Shrew situation and to take a hike if that's what he thought. But I do like him a lot. AMIBU?

? So you are assertive and he thinks you need 'bringing in line' that's fucked up.
YANBU send him on his way

I'd call him a 'bastard'.

Yanbu , he doesn't think much of you clearly. I wouldn't stick around for that.

poor Professor Higgins!!

don't sing any songs about rain and spain.

Tell him to fuck off.

I would be titling that ex-boyfriend.
Age has nothing to do with it my DH is 15 years older than me and I'm the feisty type he would never have though of me as a project.
That's the type of man who will patronise you over everything and 'pull rank' because he's more (in his opinion) experienced.

Did be elaborate when water boarded?

Let's just say, at least he showed his true colours early!

He clearly likes "his" women to be "in their place".

For the record "Feisty" is a shit term. It's used in a derogatory way in general. Only women are "feisty" notice that? Nobody ever calls a man that.

What an arrogant fucking idiot. Is he Mister Perfect? Tell him to take his blueprint for perfection and fuck off with it. Better yet, roll it up and shove it up his self-regarding jacksie.

Well to me it would depend entirely on the context of how he said "project". Not having the full benefit of how the argument went, it's impossible to say.

Then again, if an argument situation arose this early on, it doesn't bode especially well.

Yep, about 4 months in is about right for you both to be showing your true colours.

He's shown that he would like to control what you think/say/do.

What are you going to do now?

Dump & move on. You can do better. A lot better

Talk about up his own arse.

Ditch the git.

Find someone who appreciates your vitality :)

If that's what he really thinks then it's hard to see a future in a relationship but we can all say cutting things that we don't really mean in the heat of an argument. How does what he said fit in the context of your relationship, do you have reason to believe this is how he sees you? What's happened since Saturday, have you spoken?

I was going to say tell him to fuck off

But then, how pissed were you both?

If he has come out with one nobbish comment while drunk and taken the bollocking you presumably gave him with good grace and not shown any inclination to be a git otherwise then given that you like him maybe give him one more and that is one more chance.

Otherwise ditch him.

Hhhhhmmmm I don't know.

Were you being an actual arse after a few wines but you call it 'fiesty'

I've bailed on a couple of early relationships as I didn't want a 'project' or someone with 'issshuuues' life's too short.

Either way your both not right fir each other!

He did you a massive favour. Move onto pastures new.

Ditch. I met someone recently who told me he liked quiet women. What shit like this means is he wants a doormat who doesnt voice her opinions.

What Chipping said about finding someone who likes your vitality.

What a bloody cheek! Tell him to do one.

I went out with someone like that in my late teens. I wasn't allowed to be funky or unique, had to be quiet, not allowed to voice my opinions. Every ounce of confidence and "me" was scratched away, slowely slowely. Run for the hills!

I'm not convinced feisty is a derogatory term, is it? I have certainly never seen it that way. When I think of feisty women (and I admit to being one myself), I think of someone who is strong-willed, passionate about what they believe in and not afraid to argue if they think something is wrong. Personally, I'd prefer to be feisty than a push over.

I'd LTB, frankly.

Sorry, was just learning the ropes and wasn't too sure how to add messages to the thread. Thanks for the responses though. He has honestly been absolutely lovely though until this point- I have Mumsnet to thank in part for spotting 'red flags'. The argument started because we were in a restaurant that had mucked up my order several times- so I had asked them, politely, as I always am, to put it right- though I guess by doing that I am marking myself out as being assertive. I have been a waitress myself and would never talk down or be rude to restaurant staff. He went very quiet after that, refused to engage in conversation, I got the impression he wanted me to apologise for my 'behavior'. The argument started when we left and I asked him what was wrong, as we had been having such a lovely evening.

Bloody cheek!

I'd drop him. You are not right for each other.

Find someone who worships your 'feisty-ness'.

Project indeed you are not a bloody self build!