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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New boyfriend called me a 'project'.

193 replies

proseccofiend · 07/10/2014 21:44

First time poster. Please be nice. Been seeing a lovely guy since June. Met OLD. Not to dripfeed, but on Saturday after a fun night out after a few wines, we had a bit of an argument. I know I can be bolshy and assertive. Fiesty is probably a nicer term though! I am younger than him, but only by a few years (I am late twenties) He told me he didn't want a 'project' but otherwise really liked me. I told him it is not a Taming of the Shrew situation and to take a hike if that's what he thought. But I do like him a lot. AMIBU?

OP posts:
redexpat · 13/10/2014 20:20

Honestly, words fail me. Good riddance, and bloody well done you Wine

AyMamita · 13/10/2014 21:49

Fucker! YANBU. Onwards and upwards Wine Cake Flowers

temporaryusername · 13/10/2014 22:16

OP, I was open mouthed reading that blatant display of inadequacy on his part. Depressing to think men like that are out there, and I'm very sorry you had to go through dating him and being disappointed. This is Little Miss Lucky of 7, Escape Drive territory though - and good for you, you obviously know you deserve much better.

LeapingOverTheWall · 13/10/2014 22:20

Lucky escape OP - I know of a RL situation where the male partner described the female partner as a project, and it ended up in a fucking horrific tragedy. There were a lot of other issues involved which aren't going to be the same as in your case, but the project thing is a massive red flag/sirens blaring/SWAT teams swooping in to rescue.

Write it off to experience, and move on

Purplepixiedust · 13/10/2014 22:50

He sounds like an arse. Get rid!

hiddenhome · 13/10/2014 22:51

Blimey, he's a time traveller from the 1950s isn't he? Hmm

Glad you've escaped. What a total tool.

Purplepixiedust · 13/10/2014 22:52

Just seen you already did! Well done you :D

PedantMarina · 13/10/2014 22:55

prosecco you're my new hero. Blush

wanttosqueezeyou · 13/10/2014 23:00

Wine (in the absence of prosecco)

PedantMarina · 13/10/2014 23:08

Yeah, wantto - why has MN not done white wine or bubbly?

reports own post. for the nth time

Dragonfly71 · 13/10/2014 23:12

Prosecco, you are AWESOME! I'm not familiar with OLD but is it possible you could give him a really bad review, like with trip advisor? Grin

farewellfigure · 14/10/2014 13:25

Good for you Prosecco. It doesn't sound as though any conversation and explaining your point of view could have got through to him! Wow, what a strange notion! I wonder whether he'll find someone he can totally dominate, or whether he'll change over time, or whether he'll end up a lonely old man and wonder what on earth went wrong!

I hope you find 'a good one' soon!

Miggsie · 14/10/2014 13:31

How totally patronising of him - and offensive.

Well done to you.

there are good ones out there, there really are.

kentishgirl · 14/10/2014 14:04

Oh dear god my heart was sinking reading the start of your post and then....yes...you told him where to go.

He should be in charge because he is 4 years older than you?
He should be in charge because he is physically larger than you?
He wants to 'improve' you to suit him?

What a bizarre and creepy man. Now you know why he was single...

Better luck next time. Thank goodness you found out about his attitudes reasonably early, before you wasted too much time on him.

juniper44 · 14/10/2014 14:15

Good for you. He sounds like an arse.

Oldraver · 14/10/2014 14:20

Crikey...sounds like he wanted you to be the 'little woman' all round. Good job you found out early on (sorry it made you cry) Flowers

SezaMcGregor · 14/10/2014 14:22

Wow, there was applause in my head as I read that! Well done OP!!

Oldraver · 14/10/2014 14:34

Sorry I posted that without having read that he referred to you as 'little one'

kentishgirl · 14/10/2014 14:39

eew the more I think about it, the creepier it all gets.

The 'little one' nickname, the expecting to be in charge as older and because you are physically quite a small woman.

Getting nasty 'daddy' vibes.

cherrybombxo · 14/10/2014 14:40

Just caught up with this, was wondering how it went. Your response was fantastic, you did the right thing!

Original poster
proseccofiend · 14/10/2014 16:18

Thank you everyone. Really helpful advice and encouragement all round!

I forgot to add that after a (very) little cry, when I'd patched up my mascara, I went to a lovely bar with my book and had a glass of Prosecco before heading out with my lovely, normal, non-control freak friends. Feeling fine about the whole thing now- onwards and upwards etc.

Ps, I absolutely love the idea of a TripAdvisor - style review for OLD as one poster suggested! Wouldn't that be brilliant.

Under a scathing review, this guy would get a one-star rating for 'terrible'.

OP posts:
whatever5 · 14/10/2014 17:23

He sounds like a total knob and a real creep. Well done for dumping him as soon as you realised.
What is OLD though?

Scarletohello · 14/10/2014 17:27

OLD Online Dating!

prettywhiteguitar · 14/10/2014 17:34

Just read this op, well done for getting rid of a controlling arse !

WerkSupp · 14/10/2014 17:37

Good on you for fucking him off. What a prick.

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