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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New boyfriend called me a 'project'.

193 replies

proseccofiend · 07/10/2014 21:44

First time poster. Please be nice. Been seeing a lovely guy since June. Met OLD. Not to dripfeed, but on Saturday after a fun night out after a few wines, we had a bit of an argument. I know I can be bolshy and assertive. Fiesty is probably a nicer term though! I am younger than him, but only by a few years (I am late twenties) He told me he didn't want a 'project' but otherwise really liked me. I told him it is not a Taming of the Shrew situation and to take a hike if that's what he thought. But I do like him a lot. AMIBU?

OP posts:
TeamScotland · 10/10/2014 21:02

^ like

Hissy · 12/10/2014 21:14

any update OP? did you meet him?

proseccofiend · 13/10/2014 09:48

Update. Thanks again for all your responses.

I did meet him on Saturday. We had a booze free discussion about his comments and my 'recent behaviour'.

He did apologise for using the term 'project'. But. He also said that it had been a bit of a shock to him that I'd turned out to be so 'sparky'. Apparently, with previous girlfriends he has been the decision maker, the one in the driving seat, and he presumed that my age in relation to his, and my 'build' (I am quite short and petite) meant that he thought It'd be the same.

Could I adapt slightly, did I think? Be a little quieter at times, let him have the floor more often? Because he really finds me attractive, he says, and we've been having fun, apart from this blip, and the best things are the things that you work hard for. You should be able to 'improve' yourself if needs be and if a relationship requires it. He can tell me this, apparently, because at 28 I will have little concept of this. But he at 32 has a wealth of experience, and can truly 'tell it like it is' .

I should add, just for detail's sake, we have DTD, several times, prior to all this, and it was great, on both sides, no indication about him being overly dominant in that department.

I sat, bemused. When it was finally my turn to speak I informed him, icily, that no one I had encountered thus far in my life had ever made me feel like I need to 'adapt' or that I was an acquired taste, and what he had said was actually making me feel quite sick. I told him that despite his completely fucked up views on relationships, I wished him well as I am a decent human being, for all my 'shortcomings'.

I turned on my heel and walked out.

OP posts:
proseccofiend · 13/10/2014 09:49

*without looking back. Then I walked round the corner and had a little cry as I had thought he was one of the good ones!

OP posts:
Eve · 13/10/2014 09:51

bet that felt good!

TeamScotland · 13/10/2014 09:51

Fantastic. Sorry he turned out to be such an arse though. Good that you are not wasting a single second more of your life on him.

Eve · 13/10/2014 09:51

oh... not the cry bit obviously! Flowers

Aeroflotgirl · 13/10/2014 10:01

Good on you! You shoulden't have to adapt who you are for anyone. He just couldn't handle and independent and intelligent woman. At least you found out now how he is really like, he sounded like he wanted to control you. No no no. Best be single and happy.

OnlyLovers · 13/10/2014 10:09

Good for you, OP. What a twunt he was. Good riddance and onwards and upwards!

SlightlyJadedJack · 13/10/2014 10:24

What a wanker! Have a little cry Proseccofiend, get him out of your system and move on. I am one of those women who speaks up and can be 'feisty' when the situation calls for it, my DH admires that in me. Plenty of men don't want a doormat trust me. Flowers

StarlightMcKenzie · 13/10/2014 11:22

OP, you sound fantastic tbh. There are better men out there. Lovely men, who will appreciate you. Get yourself one of them, but no reason to hurry either.......

Hissy · 13/10/2014 11:22

He can tell me this, apparently, because at 28 I will have little concept of this. But he at 32 has a wealth of experience

Little concept? little concept? Angry

WTAF? How revoltingly insulting! He is a mere FOUR years older and thinks that gives him ANY right at all to 'Tell you how it is'

I'd kick him in the balls for that arrogant twattish comment alone!

His comment about "Being Quieter" and "letting him have the floor' was ridiculous! You were politely complaining about your food, did he expect you to suck it up? Clearly he actually did, because he wasn't about to step up/in to raise it with the waiting staff.

Since when is bringing poor food/service to the attention of the waiting staff 'taking the floor'

what an absolute prick.

MammaTJ · 13/10/2014 11:23

Good for you.

LittlePeaPod · 13/10/2014 11:27

Good for you Op.. He sounds like a complete arse! Onwards and upwards. Wine

LittleBairn · 13/10/2014 11:30

Well done OP for not falling for his crap.
FFS he's only 4 years older than you, my DH is 15 years older (and I'm short) he would never dream of trying to dominate me because I'm younger and shorter, such a strange notion!

borisgudanov · 13/10/2014 11:38

Excellent. What a fucking twat. Good riddance.

SanitaryOwl · 13/10/2014 11:44

You should have thrown your drink in the stupid cunt's face.

Adira · 13/10/2014 11:53

What a catch..... can't believe you let that gem slip through your fingers Wink

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/10/2014 11:57

Dear lord Shock, he really is from another planet, or the 1950s. What a patronising arsewipe! You are well shot of him, pity the next poor woman he deigns to notice.

PulpsNotFiction · 13/10/2014 11:59

Lucky escape there OP. Good for you. At least it's only four months in not four years. What a nob.

ThereMustAndShallBeTea · 13/10/2014 12:06

Bravo, OP!

Hissy · 13/10/2014 19:15

how are you feeling now op?

rumbelina · 13/10/2014 19:31

You sound ace

magoria · 13/10/2014 19:35

What a knob. 4 years made him and expert so you should shut up and let him be in charge.

Well done for seeing him for what he is before you were too far invested.

CeliaFate · 13/10/2014 19:47

You've had a lucky escape. He sounds a right knob.
Listen to - sums him up.