to think it is perfectly acceptable for a married couple to have separate finances?

[Flexibilityisquay]

DH and I have always kept our own bank accounts. Over the years we have ended up with a joint mortgage, and have a current account that all the household bills come out of, that we both pay into every month. Apart from that, all our money is kept separate. I am fairly sure that if we shared all our money it would be something we would fall out about, fairly often.

The reason I am asking is because there is one couple we see often, and if we make any mention of, who is going to pay for dinner etc they will always comment on how odd it is. It is an opinion I have often seen on here too, that all finances should be shared, and I just don't get it. It feels very important to me to be financially independent.

If it works for you; that's all you need to worry about. I personally wouldn't countenance it, but we're all different.

Its fine. If you earn similar amounts. Share costs equally. Are both happy with the situation.

From what I've seen it stops working when, someone stops work/goes part time for a while to look after children. Then, when people carry on as they always have -because that's what they've always done - it can get either complicated or unfair. Deciding who pays for childrens things, equipment, toys, hobbies, uniform etc.

Several people will now come along to say they've managed to do this without any problems no doubt.

Or one partner earns significantly more, so they can't afford to do stuff together.

I don't think it's strange, it's fair enough that people want to keep their earnings in their own account. As long as both parties are sharing the bills then what does it matter? If something should ever go wrong, you have your own finances so are not reliant on another.

I think those that make a big deal of shared finances are where one doesn't work or chooses to work little and therefore wants access to extra money.

YANBU

Dh and I have separate accounts, dh only has his car insurance, phone bill and aa membership go out of his and I have everything else going into and out of my account. For the simple reason that I'm good with money and he's not.
Different things work for different people

I think it's perfectly acceptable - dp and I are even more separate than your arrangements sound! We have our own bank accounts, joint mortgage but the payments come out of my account and all bills are paid for by either me/dp but from our separate accounts.

We earn and spend completely different amounts - I suggested a while back that we have a joint account as it does seem to be what most couples have/do but she said no - my frivolous spending would drive her completely bonkers so she'd rather not see it .

We also have separate savings accounts and when we need to buy big stuff, pool our resources, but I agree, for us at least it seems to work much better to keep everything separate!

Works for me, but I'm self employed and like to see what's going on for just what I earn and pay.

We would have frightful rows about money if we pooled the lot - we have very different attitudes to the stuff. I would be at the mercy of DP's spendthrift habits and he would be shackled to my skinflint ones.

Also I have a quite complicated set of different bank accounts: business, personal, joint household.

We do similar, have a joint access account. H puts all the money into it though since I went part time and now I am on mat leave.

But I do still have access to the other account.

YANBU. We have predominantly separate accounts. We dump money into a joint account to pay all the bills and save some every month. The money left over is technically each persons, but in theory we spend the same every month. Like others, I think I would feel uncomfortable about little things like me preferring to spend more money on clothes than OH does. I prefer having my money in my own account.

But in reality all money is pooled.

Dot

It's not the separate finances that people criticise on here - as long as it works well for both parties it's just fine, why wouldn't it be? - but situations where the finances are only one aspect of a grossly unfair and unbalanced and, often, controlling and abusive, relationship.

So long as you're both open and considerate, it's fine.

The problems come when only one of the couple has any significant income and the other makes her beg and plead for some "housekeeping" money.

Joint finances rely equally on honesty and consideration, anyhow. When I was with my ex, I started to have my salary paid into my own account and keep my own credit cards etc when it became blindingly obvious that money slipped through his fingers. I needed some control.

I think it gets too unbalanced when one has all the money and the other gets a pittance, by requesting or whatever. So if it feels free and easy, as in I have access, then I'm happy to have both.

We have a joint account used for mortgage, bills etc , then a savings account into which we pay as much as each of us can afford, keeping enough money in our current accounts for our own personal expenditure. We discuss big purchases but otherwise I don't want to know what he spends his money on and he doesn't know what I spend mine on, which would be inevitable if we didn't have personal accounts.

YANBU. We have separate finances/ he keeps his wages, and I have the TCs paid into my account. Works for us.

We have separate bank accounts. He pays his share (worked out as a percentage of his earnings to mine) into my bills account for all bills and joint mortgage. We also have a joint shopping account for groceries. But recently he seems to be better off than me and I wonder if it'd be better to put our money together more, tbh we are both not good with £ and he has more debt tho

If it works for you, it works for you and who cares what other people think? We had fairly separate finances until I gave up work and found it hard to get our heads around merging everything.

We have our money in separate accounts but I would find the conversations about paying for dinner odd. We view our money as pooled even though it is in separate pots, so that conversation wouldn't happen. DH paying for it on his card is the same as me paying for it on mine, because it's all 'our money' (and we don't have cash flow issues which would need us to discuss that). It works for us because we're both sensible with money, trust each other and each have our own frivolities we'll spend money on and are both happy with that.

i find it odd when married people say they have separate money , for better for worse , in sickness and in health , blah blah but not the money .

I agree it only works because we both earn roughly the same, so end up with similar amounts to spend. It is the frivolous spending that would get us. DH has in the past come home from the pub, and made the most ridiculous Ebay purchases. It is funny, because it is just his money he is wasting, not ours. On the flip side, I have an expensive hobby, and I would hate feeling guilty spending our joint money on it.

I think to share everything you both need to have similar attitudes to money, and both be fairly good with money, which neither of us are really.

Separate or joint accounts are neither here nor there. It's how you treat the money and each other, not whose name it is in. Sounds like you have got a solution that works for you, which is great. My only wibble is your comment that if you shared finances you'd argue about them often.

We are married and also have largely separate finances. We have our own current and savings accounts. We have a joint account that we pay into in proportion to our salaries each month. The amount paid in covers mortgage, bills, food plus a bit, so things like the meal you mentioned would come out of the joint account as it was something for both of us. If we don't spend the extra for a few months, it mounts up and can be put towards big purchases such as things for the house or plane fares to visit family (his parents live abroad).

Although our savings are separate, they tend to be used for joint things like cars and house moves. I like keeping them separate though, so I can see how I am doing.

i find it odd when married people say they have separate money , for better for worse , in sickness and in health , blah blah but not the money

Just because people have separate accounts doesn't mean they don't abide by the 'for richer for poorer' part of their vows. Me and my husband have separate accounts because it works well for us but neither of us would see the other without money. We both pay certain bills and have roughly the same amout left over each to spend. If I want to buy my husband a gift I can do so without needing to dip into joint money and vice versa he can buy me gifts. We also have no need to get into rows if he wants to buy a gadget which he doesn't need or I want to buy shoes which I don't need.