to think it is perfectly acceptable for a married couple to have separate finances?

[Flexibilityisquay]

DH and I have always kept our own bank accounts. Over the years we have ended up with a joint mortgage, and have a current account that all the household bills come out of, that we both pay into every month. Apart from that, all our money is kept separate. I am fairly sure that if we shared all our money it would be something we would fall out about, fairly often.

The reason I am asking is because there is one couple we see often, and if we make any mention of, who is going to pay for dinner etc they will always comment on how odd it is. It is an opinion I have often seen on here too, that all finances should be shared, and I just don't get it. It feels very important to me to be financially independent.

Greengolf, how do you manage without discussing it at all? Do you always both remember what you have each spent so you don't need to discuss it? Otherwise surely it wouldn't end up being fair?

When your friends comment just say "Meh, it works for us" and move on to something else. It sounds like they are the ones who are oddly inflexible in their attitudes if they find it so unthinkable.

The important thing is that neither of you feels there is an unfair split between you - and oas others have said, that can get more complicated if you earn different amounts, or if there are children or other things to consider.

But as long as you reconsider how it works as required, there's no reason not to keep your money separate if that's what works for you.

Like so many others have said - if it works for you, then of course it's fine.

My DP and I earn similar amounts and everything is completely separate. Rent, CT and utilities come out of his account because he lived in the flat before I moved in, so I transfer my half to him on payday each month. We pay our own phone/gym/transport pass bills and then the rest is free and easy cash. We never consult the other regarding a personal purchase so long as the bills are paid and we've set aside savings money for holidays, etc. We're setting up a joint savings account after Christmas because we're now saving for a house and wedding but we've managed up until now with everything separate. We're only doing that because he gets a great interest rate through his work.

Separate accounts and DH earns double what I do but household costs are divided according to individual salaries. All bills and mortgage are paid from his account and I take care of childcare, food, days out and holidays from my salary and I put away savings of £375 a month. If I get a bit short for whatever reason he'll transfer money to me and i'll do the same for him.

If I didn't have my own income though perhaps i'd prefer a joint account but as it stands we both have money left over at the end of the month for our own purchases

We vaguely try to take turns to pay, or take responsibility for paying for one thing while the other will pay for something else. But we're not bothered if it doesn't exactly balance really, it just doesn't feel necessary to keep tabs. I guess we're lucky that neither of us will end up being short if one of us pays for the bulk of things at any one time as we both have enough disposable income to cover what we want to do.

DH and I have a similar "who is paying for this" thing, but I don't feel we are doing anything unusual. We have our pre-marriage accounts and then a joint one that we have never really bothered using as it involves fading about transferring stuff. I pay for most, if not all the food, presents, holidays, treats, meals, and fuel for the car, he covers all the bills. I had savings when we met. We did decide to keep a clear line down the middle of our finances as his ex wife is a bit of a money grabber!!

We have separate finances. I don't want dh spending all my money.

We're as happy as ducks on a pond

we have a joint account and i have my own separate account i keep that one account for the child benefit money because i keep the child benefit money for all things child related birthdays christmas and other expenses (school books etc) if it has any money left over i spend it on family stuff the child tax/working tax goes into the joint account with DH wages for all the other bills and is enough to pay the day to day stuff

the problem is if it all goes into the joint account it gets spent if it goes separate i tend to "forget" its there so its automatically saved

Yanbu.
We do similar to op. Joint mortgage and joint bills account but separate personal accounts etc. I currently earn a lot less than DH but he pays a lot more towards household expenses. As my salary recovers then we'll revisit the proportions.
We used to keep track of who paid for odds and ends but it was a pain so we stopped. We've both been stung by previous partners and this works for us.

I think it's odd that you're both eating dinner together and yet this doesn't come out of your joint account. With my partner activities that were done together were always paid for from the joint account - holidays, meals, theatre etc etc. Why are you negotiating who buys dinner? So much simpler to draw payment for joint activities from the joint account as this ensures equitability.

YANBU.
I have been with OH for 7 years.
We have our own bank accounts and one joint one. Like you, the household bills come out of the joint, which we pay into 50/50.
Then what is left in my account after that is mine, same with him. I work hard for my money, I like to buy things for myself. I have my own savings account, him too. If we buy anything big it's usually half each...eg - holidays, new TV, ect.
I also have old debt, my mobile bill and my car insurance coming out of my own account.
I couldnt imaging pooling all money and having to check if there was enough for me to buy myself something out of it.

Sorry but seems very odd to me. I wouldn't be rude enough to say so to your faces though!

We kinda have the best of both worlds (I think!). DH earns more than me so it wouldn't be fair to keep our salaries separate (naturally, as I would lose out ) so both our salaries go into the joint account which pays for mortgage, bills and savings.
We also then have an equal 'pocket money' transfer at the start of the month into our respective personal bank accounts - so we are sharing equally but also don't have to see each others frivolous spending / have some money we feel is 'ours' and don't have to ask permission to spend / don't have to wade through lines of Starbucks transactions when balancing up the joint account and savings (which I do every month).
This 'pocket money' arrangement will continue when I go on maternity leave so I won't feel like I am scrounging off the joint account. I guess it's quite complicated but it works for us! :)

It only works if you ear similar amounts and neither of you have taken s step back at work to do more child care.

I always find this incredibly strange. To what end is this? When you retire, will one of you go on really nice holidays and the other just stay home camping? Will one of you get to stay home with a full-time nurse at the end, and the other go into a grim retirement home?

My husband and I merged finances when we got married. We each have a sole account that covers things like hair/manicures/clothes (me) and nights out with friends, and we pay for everything else out of a joint account.

DH and I have separate accounts. Yet, we have a shared credit card that gets paid off in full 50/50 each month that we use for everyday things.

Halfway solution...

Whois I'd dispute that. As I said it works fine for us.

scatter, that assumes there is enough in the joint account to cover dinners out, and other leisure activities. We would then have to both put in extra to cover it, and work out how much that needed to be. It varies so much from month to month. That meal for example, was a spur of the moment thing, that we hadn't planned. Whereas it is no problem to just say, oh, you got the last thing, I'll get this, as things come up.

My husband loves to take me out for dinner and enjoys paying for it from his own separate money. It feels like a proper 'date' in the same sense like when we were courting. If he didn't have any separate money he would have to pay for dinner from the joint money which wouldn't feel like he was treating me IYSYIM.
I will treat him to dinner (and pay for it from my money) sometimes too. If I am buying his dinner on his birthday I want to buy him dinner and not expect it to come from joint money.
I upload I like my independence in all respects. Just because I am married it doesn't mean that we have to be joined physically at the hip or financially at the bank. We can be together and be united without living as one person.

YANBU. DH and I have mostly separate finances. I don't even know how much he earns . He pays the day to day bills, I pick up the big expenses like holidays, car purchases , work to the house etc. We both have enough left for our own personal expenses and it works for us.

I find it out. I know we would be all. "But I paid for the kids ice creams last time!" "Yes, but I paid the parking fine. Even though it was both of our faults for not seeing the sign." Etc. etc. Who pays for the car? Who buys the petrol? If you have so much money that there is considerable amounts left over after paying the mortgage, bills (including food), kids' expenses, presents. Then I am ! We'd have about a tenner a month leftover each.

My view is that if couples have a system that works for them, then great, who am I to argue/care as long as they are both happy with the situation.

In my case DH and I earned equal amounts before we had DS, then I went p/t and reduced role to allow this to be done so now of course I earn a lot les then him, oh and his salary went up during that time.

So since then the deal is that it all goes on joint and then we each get an allowance for our own discretionary stuff like clothes.

It doesn't work out perfectly, DH takes out joint cash for when we're out and about and for babysitters etc and I sometimes think he takes out too much, oh and he has a v expensive hobby that can't be fully funded through our discretionary money so when he dips into joint, I make sure I take an equal amount. I don't mind him having expensive tastes, but I hate this thing where I get less that would eat away at me and I have different priorities.

Who pays for the car? Who buys the petrol?

That's easy: We have a car each and each put fuel into our own cars. DH rarely drives my car and I rarely drive his car because we both bought cars that we individually liked and wanted and therefore prefer driving our own. We need two cars, it isn't just a frivolous luxury.
We don't have loads of money left over each month after bills but we do have enough to go out for the occasional meal and for me to buy shoes and handbags occasionally.
We don't argue about who pays for ice creams or who would pay a parking fine (whoever owns the car would pay it) but even if one of us was short of money the other person would just pay for whatever is required. We have never had a single argument about money so it must be a method that works for us.

Who pays for a family holiday? If dh got a big bonus, would you expect to see any of it? If you drove to France, would the car owner pay all of the petrol? Who pays for the kids haircuts? I don't know...it would definitely cause arguments for us!