to think it is perfectly acceptable for a married couple to have separate finances?

[Flexibilityisquay]

DH and I have always kept our own bank accounts. Over the years we have ended up with a joint mortgage, and have a current account that all the household bills come out of, that we both pay into every month. Apart from that, all our money is kept separate. I am fairly sure that if we shared all our money it would be something we would fall out about, fairly often.

The reason I am asking is because there is one couple we see often, and if we make any mention of, who is going to pay for dinner etc they will always comment on how odd it is. It is an opinion I have often seen on here too, that all finances should be shared, and I just don't get it. It feels very important to me to be financially independent.

I know a couple where they did the separate finances thing, all fine when they each earned a similar income. Then when the kids came along she had to stop working (they couldn't afford to pay for the childcare), and though he was very generous with the kids, he never gave her any money for her. So he could go out drinking and do hobbies etc, but she couldn't because she had no money. She had to ask him any time she wanted a haircut or new clothes. Unsurprisingly they divorced.

Another couple, when the wife took some time out for the kids just put half his salary into her account each month (they then both paid for the kids stuff and bills). Seems fair to me, but she did say to me she felt weird at first that her hubby was 'paying her' to raise the kids.

Basically I don't think it matters whether you have separate or joint finances as long as you think it through (what happens if/when you have kids, one of you gets ill etc). Bear in mind that if you live together your entitlement to benefits will rest on BOTH your incomes as if your money is pooled, even if it isn't.

YANBU so long as you are both happy with it. We have always kept finaces separate and I take responsibility for bills etc with H making a regular contribution.

If we eat out one of us will pay, we rougly take turns but it isn't exact. Noone would know from our behaviour that we keep things separate. We don't split things down the middle exactly and if we did, we wouldn't need to do it in front of out friends.

I think there is a difference from having separate financial arrangements and those who just have separate accounts but are still pooling all the money together as family money.

*FreeButtonBee - Salary goes into the "Big Joint Account". Mortgage is paid from that account plus direct debits and standing orders plus one off household bills (insurance/parking permit/car service (we only have one car and it's not used for commuting))

We are get the same amount of cash into a personal current account to spend as we like - it has to cover commuting (tube), lunches, drinks and dinner out, gym, clothes and gifts etc.*

Just posting again to say I really like this idea (and how flexible it is if one of you loses a job, gets a pay rise, stops to stay at home parent, whatever). Really seems like the best of both worlds. I am totally going to steal this if I ever live with someone again!

DH works, I am a SAHM at the moment, but have income from other sources (including some rental properties), so we actually both bring fairly similar amounts to the table.

We have a joint account, all bills and stuff for kids paid from that, plus a fixed amount into savings and retirement plan. We both have separate offshoots from the main account, and a fixed amount is transferred into each account every month, and that's our individual personal money for the month. We don't try to match our spending or anything like that, we just spend what we need, and always have some left over. DH has more in his offshoot account, largely down to the fact I can't stop buying bags! We happily share the statements of our offshoot account with each other, neither of us have anything to hide.

I'm happy to pool together the money we earn as a couple (so to speak), but I also have money that is very firmly mine, money that I had before we married (and indeed before we met), and DH has no access to that and nor does he expect it.

Having had a joint account with my spendthrift Ex, and spent years rowing with him about him wasting money, never again.

I think a joint account for essential bills (mortgage, utilities, food, transport etc) and own accounts for everything else works best.

But Oreo, that's your decision based on having made the mistake of pulling finances with someone who had different ideas about spending than you. Normally by the time people pool finances, they're aware of the other's attitude to money.

See to me it seems really bizarre to actually pool all your money just because you are married, a bit as though you have morphed into one being. I just don't see marriage like that, I felt the same about changing my name and title, no way was I going to do that either. We certainly treat all ours as family money but I can't ever see us actually pooling all of it, we are still independent adults.

Maybe it's because we have never really been independent adults in the financial sense as we've lived together since university and supported each other financially through graduate studies.

The age you are when you get together/get married probably does play a huge part in it. If you get together young then you probably do start pooling your money. It's when you've spent a long time with your own income and savings that it can feel difficult to utterly pool everything, rather than just running the majority of it pooled.

That probably is it, I met DH when I was 30, married at 33, I had left home at 18 to go to uni, had my own car for 10 years and own house for 7 when I met DH. I can see that if you met at an earlier stage in your lives it would make more sense. I'm not criticising those that pool BTW, just saying it is not something I would ever do.

I must be the exception then, I only met DH when I was 29. Left home when I was 17, had my own car and flat etc, and had never shared my finances with anybody before. It still felt totally natural to share everything we have.

We have a joint account for the mortgage and all other bills but still have separate accounts. We've been together since I was 19, are now in our mid thirties and still happily married. We never argue over financial matters - it works for us.

If we pooled everything into one account I'd feel guilty for spending money on nice handbags (for example). We wouldn't be able to buy each other surprise presents easily.

I have been a SAHM for over a year now and I'm still happy with this arrangement. Everything is paid for so I never have to ask for money; the money I have in my own account is to spend on what I want (non essentials).

We have our own interests too though; we're not one of those couples that do everything together.

DH and I have no shared money. No shared finances or financial obligations. When I say that, I mean it. I have no idea how much he earns, how he spends his money and I don't care. Having been in a previous marriage where I was the main earner and ended up coming out with nothing, I will never again share money with a man.

The way we have things set up is so that if DH disappeared tomorrow, my life would not change financially or operationally at all. I wouldn't have to move, make cutbacks, change anything. That's how I want it.

The whole basis of our relationship is that we are together because we want to be, there's nothing else tying us in. And it wasn't any different when the children were small, apart from a few months after DS2 was born but I changed that as soon as I could.

I am perfectly happy to share all finances with my DH but we don't share a bed, or even a bedroom - married 26 years plus - a decent night's sleep is essential to me and I can't sleep with anyone else in the room. .

Carabos - do you earn roughly the same then? I find that a little bit detached and cold.

I don't think there is any one way. I do think though when you are together for the long haul, especially when kids come along - you should be willing to share all you have (even if one brings more). How you arrange that with separate or joint accounts is another matter.