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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

519 replies

solosolong · 06/10/2014 08:19

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

OP posts:
cartsmar · 06/10/2014 08:21

YABU

LittleBearPad · 06/10/2014 08:22

So a man asked your DD for directions on the street and thrn went on his way?

I think you've overdone the 'stranger danger'

Poor bloke

TheDowagerDuchessOfDinglyDell · 06/10/2014 08:23

Why not?

MrsDavidBowie · 06/10/2014 08:23

You're overreacting.

OwlWearingSunglasses · 06/10/2014 08:23

She was possibly the only person around to ask?

Lottiedoubtie · 06/10/2014 08:23

I think it's really sad that she was scared/you think it's inappropriate.

I know why you think it but I still think it's sad.

WooWooOwl · 06/10/2014 08:23

YANBU, and the man should probably have thought that he might cause the girl to feel worried, but it's sad that either of them have to think that way really.

I can see that if he knew he wasn't going to do a girl any harm, then he might not think there was going to be a problem. If he doesn't really know any young girls himself, it could be that it just didn't occur to him that she might feel a bit freaked.

AnythingNotEverything · 06/10/2014 08:23

All men are not sex offenders.

YABU.

Hakluyt · 06/10/2014 08:24

Why not? If it was a deserted street there wasn't anyone else to ask!

fanjobiscuits · 06/10/2014 08:24

I understand what you are saying. I think the fact he made your DD uncomfortable is relevant here - gut instinct etc

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 06/10/2014 08:24

At what age is it OK for a man to stop you in the street to ask directions though? It is a situation we need to learn to deal with as we grow up as it will happen over and over again.

JubJubBirds · 06/10/2014 08:25

YABU.

Either you're saying: all men should presume themselves a danger to young girls so should stay away to protect them.

Or you're saying: all men should presume young girls view them as a danger/predator so should stay away lest to worry them with their presence.

The man was lost ffs.

diddl · 06/10/2014 08:25

if he just asked for directions I can't see the problem tbh.

If he was using it as a way of engaging her in conversation then I could understand her feeling uneasy.

You need to help her not be so dramatic if the first instance is the case!

ladymariner · 06/10/2014 08:26

Well said jub I tried to post the same thing but it hasn't come up for some reason!

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2014 08:27

Dear God

Another extreme example of a cotton wool kid.

If the street was deserted, who else was he going to ask??

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 06/10/2014 08:27

Yeah, perverted bastard Confused

YonicScrewdriver · 06/10/2014 08:28

I think men should be aware how women and girls are socialised around fear, yes. I'm not sure that means he shouldn't have approached her at all, if she was the only person there, but it might well have informed the way he did it.

diddl · 06/10/2014 08:29

"I think the fact he made your DD uncomfortable is relevant here - gut instinct etc"

But was there something about him that made her uncomfortable, or just the fact that he's a man?

From the OP I get the feeling it's the latter.

skylark2 · 06/10/2014 08:29

If it was a deserted street, who else would he have asked?

I hope he was unthreatening and didn't try to make physical contact with her in any way (and that she knows what to do if someone ever does given that she's walking on deserted streets alone), but I'm a bit gobsmacked that you think a Year Seven should be following "never talk to strangers" rules. IMO they're for extremely small children (under 6 or 7) who can't be expected not to believe every single thing an adult says to them. If your DD is that unreliable maturity-wise, she needs to not be walking on her own. If she isn't, I don't see the problem.

Sunna · 06/10/2014 08:30

YABU

londonrach · 06/10/2014 08:31

Yabu. (Shakes head at how the world is now)

Aeroflotgirl · 06/10/2014 08:31

Gosh I would hate to be a man right now in this world, I feel sorry for my ds 2years who will grow into a man eventually. You might say tgat it's inappropriate for a man to stop any female just in case! Women can be paedophiles too! I remember we were in the car as a child and my lovely dad (whose died now) stopped a young lady çoukd be teen to ask for directions. How sad some people think like this Sad

Workytypestuff · 06/10/2014 08:33

What if a woman had asked her? Would that be ok? Hmm

Bit of an over reaction if he literally asked for directions then went on his way.

TiggyD · 06/10/2014 08:34

Is year 7, 11 years old?

WannaBe · 06/10/2014 08:39

What if it had been a woman? Would that have been ok then? Given that only men ever harm children... myra Hindley/rose west anyone? Hmm

At eleven/twelve telling a child not to talk to strangers is ott. She is going to/from school independently now, she is going to come into contact with "strangers" on a daily basis, and at some point she will need to engage with them.

If you don't consider her route to school to be safe then it is your responsibility to ensure that she gets there safely, not to throw her out into the world with the instruction not to talk to strangers (with the emphasis on men it would seem.)