To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

I taught mine not to go to close to a car if someone stops them in the street, that its ok to say sorry I dont know and keep walking. I dont have girls though I have boys.

I was flashed at once on the way to school man walking past me with his penis out he was well known but do you know we all laugh ed it off

Yanbu. Trusting instincts is best. So what if some random man is a bit put out because an 11 year old doesn't want to give him the time of day. I don't think men who appreciate boundaries would approach a lone schoolgirl anyway.

Of course only a tiny minority of men are potential sex offenders. It doesn't make it any easier to identify the dodgy ones; particularly at 11.
Approaching a lone woman on a deserted street will always feel dodgy, and as previous posters have said, any man with a grain of sensitivity would probably have sensed the impact he would have had on a school girl walking alone.
Very sad of course that it should be this way, but unfortunately it's the way it is.

"aren't they the reason why women and girls don't feel safe in the street?"

Suppose I said "There's been quite a few knifings involving black gangs, and gun crime is disproportionately a problem of black communities in my city. That's why I've told my children never to speak to black people, because you can never be too careful".

That would be, of course, flat out racism.

On the face of it it's all very ' a man asked my dd a question ... Clutches pearls' BUT your dd has every right to feel any way she likes and if she was uncomfortable then she was right to phone you.

We should listen to our feelings and not let politeness override out worries.

I love men but I do think adults need to consider the way children may perceive their actions ... Ditto men to women

He was most likely 100 % harmless but it scared her and she did the right thing

yes, it would be flat out racism because criminals with guns generally target other criminals with guns so your daughter would clearly not be at risk from them.

what colour are all the high profile paedophiles in this country? should I tell my children to not speak to white people at all?

men in general are not a small part of the community and we cannot avoid them. some men from all backgrounds are a danger to women that's why girls have to be taught to be wary of their dealings with them.

duhgldiuhfdsli

Not the same thing at all. In every country in the world, men are responsible for the overwhelming majority of sexual crimes, predominantly against women and girls. This isn't a local blip that encompasses things like economic inequality or other factors: it's male on female violence. One group has power over the other, consistently.

Tbf creighton - aeroflot sounds like the kind of person who would teach her sons to be aware of their impact upon women. She's advocating installing safety rules rather than fearing men generally. I think she actually has quite a balanced view of the ops dilemma.

My brother was out shopping in a supermarket last week and an announcement came out about a missing child. He found the child (about 3) whilst holding a frozen DVD and looking at toys for DD birthday he didn't go to the child because he was afraid he would of been accused of something! Its a sad world we live in when men are afraid to approach lost children. He waited and made sure nobody took the child I said he should of taken her to the desk but he argued with me and I fully see his point of view. A 30 year old man holding toys leading a child to the main desk right by the exit the child may of been crying it would look dodgy. Now swap the man to a woman in her 30's and it wouldn't look one bit dodgy.

When I was pregnant with DC1 DH would gaze at new born and he would get funny looks till I would appear next to him heavily pregnant then they would smile at him.

I also have a balanced view of the op's dilemma. I didn't say that I feared men. I said that men need to take responsibility for their actions and not expect women or 11 year old girls to be responsible for men's behaviour. try reading my posts.

Creighton like the men you are tarring, you are making huge assumptions about me and my parenting. No I will not, at all, at that age he will be old enough to do it himself. I do hope that we bring BOTH of our children up properly that they will respect men and women. Yes I do have a dd7 she has ASD and yes I do worry for her, not because of men, but society in generally because she is very trusting and vulnerable. It is sad that you feel that way about men, as not all men are creeps or chancers, but I guess your experiences have altered your perceptions.

Boys can be targed by creeps too, not only girls, we need to teach both boys and girls to be safe, walk on if they are uncomfortable.

I think it should be some men creighton, because not all men will do this. A lot are decent, respectful and loving human beings.

yanbu , i tell my dd to ignore any men who try and stop them in the street or stop in a car to ask something .

If I wanted to ask directions from anyone on a deserted road, I would not expect them to come near the car, to protect their own safety (and mine). I would also be glad that my dd dropped me a quick message to let me know she had been approached. Of course 99.9% of the time all is fine.

I bloody hope both of our children will grow up to be decent, kind and respectful adults, we are blooming trying.

You are scared of men creighton you can say you are balance d but you think men should not approach women I am assuming its beggars you were talking about they dont discriminate who they beg money from you need to be responsible for your actions and not give them money

Threads like this make me sad for my sons.

What matters here is how your daughter felt, nothing else. She felt nervous and phoned you for reassurance, you gave it and she went on to school. It's great that she knew she could do that.
There is no way that DH would stop a school girl on her own for any reason, however he's a CP officer for our local sports club so is possibly slightly more aware of any implications - it would be a self preservation thing for him.

I can see how she might feel a little nervous, year 7 probably hasnt been walking on her own for long, probably not been stopped before by a stranger etc.

Probably a perfectly nice man who didnt think it through, especially if he wasnt very old himself.

Thinking about it if an adult shouldnt aproach a young girl they shouldn't aproach a boy either as they could feel just as uncomfortable

In an ideal world then men would take responsibility for their own actions. Unfortunately we don't live in an ideal world so we need to teach our children to protect themselves.

To the poster who said about black men. Yes I would teach my child to be wary of strange black men on the streets, if said child was alone, for exactly the same reason I would teach them to be wary of strange white men However, by the same token, I would teach my child that most black and white people are lovely, but that some black and white people are capable of doing not such nice things and therefore they need to be wary when in a vulnerable situation.

Approach

crieghton - But, in this particular situation, the only fact we know, was that a man asked for directions. That's it. There may have been more to it that this, there may not. But the man was taking responsibility for his own actions, he was asking for directions. Factually, no more, no less.

yes dear, I must be scared of men unlike all of you sophisticates who can handle any of life's problems without resorting to asking for help on an anonymous website.