To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

And are you denying they men are getting harassed and aggressed too? That teenage boys are probably just as uncomfortable?
That was in that way I was saying it shouldn't be gender specific.
As if you want and talk to a person in the street, it is appropriate to be careful, whether they are make, female, transgender or gay.
It's not denying what happen to women. I'm all too aware about it. It's refusing to be NOT be aware of what happens to other people.
What dancing was saying should apply to all not just to women.

some people just like arguing for arguing's sake
why not go choose a less emotive subject?
or would that be less fun?

Pots its gender specific because women form the majority of victims and men form the majority of perpetrators.

The small handful of men I know who have experienced similar to me have experienced it from other men. I can think of only one incident of a man experiencing assault, harrassment or abuse from women in public. (Queue for a nightclub. Hen party.)

So, until my father and my husband and my male relatives and my male friends report it to even a third of the amount that the women I know do, I'll point out that the sort of courtesy I am advocating does have a gender-specific dimension.

Sorry, that should have been one incident of a man I know of. Obviously, I am aware that more than one man in the world has experienced harrassment from a woman.

Buffy, I wish that I had articulated that point as well as you.

You are not being U and I would try another route for the next few days

Excellent post Buffy. Totally agree.

YABU. If you're happy to let her out alone, you have to accept that interaction with strangers is going to happen. That it was a man, and that the street was deserted has absolutely nothing to do with it.

What was he supposed to do? See her and walk in the opposite direction? You're assuming the worst in the opposite sex, and by extension, think they should all behave in a guilty fashion. Would you want to be tarred with the same brush as Myra Hindley just because you're female and approach a lone teenager? No.

What was he supposed to do? How about not approach her for directions?

So OP's daughter MUST feel comfortable around all people she doesn't know at all times, unless and until they give her good reason to think otherwise, by which time it is too late, or not be allowed out by herself.

A lot of adult women would feel uncomfortable if approached by a man they didn't know in certain situations. Should they all be kept indoors too?

FGS.

Why this blank denial of the daily experiences of women and girls?

I don't get it.

Who does it benefit to tell women and girls that they must be polite and feign comfort in all situations with men under all circumstances? Not women and girls is who.

Or is feigning comfort not good enough? Must women and girls ignore all of their experiences of street harassment etc, ignore their own instincts, and give every single man who approaches them the benefit of the doubt?

Then what happens when the bloke turns out to have his hand down his pants? She'll be told "what were you doing on a deserted street talking to a strange man? What did you expect?"

Can't fucking win.

How is this even an issue? ITA with Buffy dancing and others. It seems to me this is a blatant prioritising of mens' rights to approach anyone they like in the street / not suffer the slightest offence versus women's and girls' rights to walk the streets feeling comfortable. How hard is it not to ask a child for directions from a car?

Would you ask someone for directions while they are using a bank machine? This happened to me and when I turned my shoulder to block the woman who asked for directions, she started shouting about how rude I was.

People get robbed at bank machines. Girls get harassed and abducted by men in cars. It's hardly asking much to expect people who are not robbers or sex offenders to bear in mind the discomfort they might cause other people regardless of their lack of bad intentions.

YANBU.

sevenzarkseven

He asked her for directions and went on his way'He didn't flash her, harass her have his hands down his pants.The girl could have just ignored him and walked away if she was uncomfortable.

Only in the bizarre twisted misandrist parallel universe that is mumsnet is this sinister.

It's thinking as old as the hills this isn't it.

Problem: A significant minority of men indulge in creepy, or threatening, or inappropriate, or worse behaviour towards women and girls.

Consequence of problem: Women and girls feel cautious in some circumstances when approached by men they don't know

Subsequent consequence: Some men might not be able to get directions from some women / girls they approach

Solution: Women and girls should be kept inside

How about "Men don't go around importuning children" huh? Then women and girls wouldn't need to feel cautious would they. Of course that's impossible.

And what of men saying "well I'm not like that but some men are and that is bad and so I should be a. understanding about why some women and girls feel this way and b. support initiatives to try and reduce this behaviour"? Well, no, all too often as we see on this thread the response from men who are "not like that" is "Well I'm not like that and so if you proceed on the basis that I might be like that by politely declining to give me directions, I am going to respond by not lifting a finger to help if I see you bleeding to death on the street bitch".

So there we have it.

moaning she did just say sorry and walk away

WTF do you think the 11 year old girl did to the man that was so terrible?

Agree that 80+% of rapes are committed by friends, relatives, spouses etc.

I wonder what proportion of street harassment, which is the overwhelmingly more likely "bad outcome" here, is perpetrated by strangers. I'm guessing 95% or so, allowing for some street harassers targeting women and girls they know.

Wow Buffy and Dancing some very moving posts there. I am actually starting to feel that I was being way too reasonable in my original post!
Just caught up with the thread and quite surprised to see it is still going strong.
Still can't understand why anyone thinks this situation is in any way equivalent to racism - and you have done a very good job of explaining exactly why it isn't. Thanks

Seven and Flora too - yes!

And personally i think fuck men i dont know, fuck them even if they are your nigels

not literally I hope ;-)