To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

I also want to ask would it be okay if it was a woman who had asked? If you answer yes to that, then YABU. Although to be honest even if you answer no to that then YABU too, he just wanted directions, and your DD must be 11/12 so old enough for him to think she may be able to help.

Year 7 is 11/12.

YABU, sorry.

She called you just to say she was feeling a bit nervous?! That's a little bit overdramatic.

Out of interest, what was your reaction to the phone call?

Why was she scared? Is that the media brainwashing people that all men are bad? Is that her parents (you) telling her all men are bad?

Would she be scared if it had been an women, an OAP (of either gender)? Is she suspicious of everyone of just some people?

Sure when a stranger asks you something you may feel uncomfortable but it is just that you are unprepared for it, as it does not happen that often these days (sat nav gets it right most of the time).

Bloody hell, he only asked for directions.

YABU!

We have all come across people who have given us a creepy feeling - whether on a deserted street or in a busy bar - and I think that it is really good to trust your instincts. Sometimes, our training to be polite to other people overtakes our innate abilities to judge people; that's when we can end up in unpleasant situations. If someone gives you the creeps then the sensible thing to do is to get away from them as quickly as possible and don't worry too much about politeness.

The man who asked for directions obviously gave your daughter an uneasy feeling and she, quite rightly, telephoned you.

However, YABU to think that men shouldn't be allowed to approach women or girls of a certain age to ask for directions in case they cause alarm.

Yeah yr 7 is 11 or 12, I think its sad that some random bloke can't ask for direction for fear of girls being uncomfortable but surely we can all see where the op and her dd are coming from but I dont think men should be scared or wary of talking to children. Bet the op dd wouldn't have been worried if it was a woman.

Well I agree.
No he shouldn't have done that. Mumsnet get very flappy about all this but dh and I both work in child protection and so have some idea about the type if people living in the community and I have told my dd to keep walking if anyone approaches her in a car.
YANBU

I don't think yabu, but it's a difficult one to explain.

I think there are a lot of men who wouldn't approach a young teenage girl now, my dh being one of them. However, not necessarily to 'protect' the girls feelings, but (sadly) for self preservation. Because the girl may be so on edge due to media/parental warnings she may start screaming. Or a 3rd party watching may get the wrong end of the stick if they saw an adult man engaging a 13 year old girl in conversation.

I don't think men 'shouldn't' but I do think many won't. Which depending on your pov, kind of puts an additional suspicion on the ones that would.

YANBU

That was a recent police recommendation in this area

It is a very great shame though

And include woman in that.
Children are nearly always abducted using vehicles.

Are you South London?
Seen a number of FB warnings over the weekend about the same man stopping girls in the morning in the same area, ostensibly asking for directions but then trying to redirect the conversation onto a personal basis.
Unless there is something already going on to prickle your spidey senses, I shouldn't worry.
(I'm not in the area concerned, so dd would get a swift 'never mind all that get your butt into school' from me as no reason to be concerned.)

YABU

I would worry why my child would need to call me to tell me someone asked for directions.

I also feel sorry for men. My husband watched a little toddler fall over in the park and she cut all her lip. No parent could be seen so he helped her up. Found mum and he told her what happened and he got a bollocking from her for talking to the child who was crying and bleeding. Apparently he should have just left her there because he was obviously a dirty old man.

Fwiw I think your daughter was right to phone you she was uncomfortable she told you. Maybe nobody should be approaching children these days which again is sad

Ledkr why are so sure there was a car? He found have been walking on the street too

Even so the op is still being unreasonable

YABU and the OP doesn't say the man was in a car.

But maybe she should leave when the other kids are walking to street if she is worried

I was asked for directions by a man who then sexual assaulted me when I was 12. I think stopping to ask someone for directions is a technique that can be used to stop someone before mugging or attacking them.

If she felt uneasy then she was right to ring you.

Seriously confused about comments about the phonecall - why did she call you, over dramatic, never mind just get to school

Really? If my teenage daughter (or son) phoned me and said someone who just stopped them made them feel nervous and they were alone, I'd be telling them to just stay aware, get to school as quickly as possible and probably stay on the phone with them until they did.

Would people really ridicule/dismiss their child doing this? How odd. Even if I thought they were being a drama queen I'd still rather be safe than sorry.

YANBU

What's sad is that some men behave [at best] inappropriately, at worst, things much more sinister.

Of course not all men are like that, but if something made the OPs daughter feel uneasy, why is that sad or OTT?

Women shouldn't ignore their instincts just in case they offend some man who should have the foresight to think first, he could have waited for an adult to ask, or parked up and gone into a shop/garage etc.

I was 'propositioned' by men who started off asking for directions while on my way to school, it is scary.

YANBU. It is an unfortunate fact that there are some men, and women out there that are a threat to children. It is not a big stretch for a decent man to work out that a young girl could feel threatened if approached in those circumstances.

Yep id rather my child was a bit over dramatic but felt safe,

Ok. So clearly I am being unreasonable. Although to be clear, I am not saying that men shouldn't approach any female - I am talking about an 11 year old on her own.
She is a very confident girl. And I am not at all an over-protective mum.
And she wasn't being 'dramatic' just calling to tell me what had happened and check that she had done the right thing.
I just think that if I were an adult man I wouldn't approach an 11 year old girl unless I really needed to. No, I am not saying that all men are dangerous. Of course not, just that they should maybe be aware of how they might be viewed by a young girl.

Of course she should call if she was concerned, FFS. She's 11, I bloody hope she can call her parents for any reason she likes.

I don't agree with that ledkr, it's installing fear into children and teaching them to be afraid of people in society. Best to teach them safety tips, like not standing close to the car if giving directions. If the adult asks them to get into the car, to run off as quick as they can.