To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

rufus

I think she was sensible to phone her mum. children need guidance to work out the world around them. A strange person approached her she was unsure and nervous of this person she rung her mum to check in talk it over seek reassurance I don't see what is wrong with that not everybody is nice and kind.

NCIS your husband sounds lovely. FWIW I would rather he stayed (even not knowing he's lovely iykwim) because I would move if his presence threatened me, but it would be nice to have a bit of company on a train like that (no walk through). Not that it would probably cross my mind, but if it did, that's how I'd feel :)

Rufus there is that!!

This man may have been geuine and just lost but the dds feelings over ride a strangers

men ask for money because they say they are homeless/penniless and l look like a soft touch. they clearly don't ask everyone, but they like to ask me. I sometimes give money to people if they don't approach me but are sitting in the street, but if someone asks then I don't.

I think YANBU. Year 7 is a difficult time where boys and often men start reacting very differently to girls. Post asking how many of us got sleezed over and touched up as young teens or preteens and there will be many. So your daughter may have less confidence around unkown men at the moment.

Stranger danger might get overdone but actually here ( and his) recent media consumption will have included what happened to a young girl abducted at random off a street.

There are men who get thrills from unsettling girls/women and whilst he may have been fine he may have been a creep. He couldnt have got directions from his phone or waited for an better target. I dont go round presuming girls know street names and the same physical landmarks i might know.

When you have an isolated face to fce encounter with a man there is an underlying truth that any girl or woman may feel which is that she woukd be, if he wanted her to be, completely vulnerable to his greater physical power. When it is a girl and a man that power balance is exaggerated.

Are most men going to assault you- no but if he wanted to ad someone above asked did she know what to do if contact is threatening well te truth is there may well be nothing she could do that would make te slightest difference.

And i think all that is under the interaction so she was nbu, lovely that she could call and he was insensitive. Most men i know would not do this, and whilst that may be sad it is a well judged well meant choice.

I chose to walk alone late at night, i have done lots of late shifts and walk home and lits of earlies and often adukt males chose to move out of my space/cross the road or give me room. It doesnt bother me either way but i would do the same to someone i percieved might feel vulnerable to my approach.

Someone acting without those senses can worry you.

Thanks for that, chipping - I do understand stats, and had already made the point that 99% of sex offenders being men =/= 99% of men being sex offender.

However, I'm not going to put myself at risk out of some misguided sense of fairness to men. Sexual harassment/assault is still very much seen as a "women's issue" - so I'll continue working with those stats.

You can't teach your children to assume every man they meet is a potential sex offender, it's really not healthy.

That's exactly what I'll do, because that's exactly what I have to do. Potential sex offender =/= sex offender. But every single assault or case of street harassment I've experienced has been committed by a man - and there have been plenty.

If the worst thing men have to experience is women not somehow magically knowing that they're a nice guy, while women run the daily risk of cat-calling, harassment, assault, and rape, they should consider themselves bloody lucky.

Sorry for the typos!

good post ToadToast. an adult's knowledge of the world is very different to an 11 year old's.

None of US were there.
This 11 year old felt nervous enough from the encounter to call home.
She did the right thing if that is how she felt.
Parent did right thing to re-assure.

That is nothing to do with 'all men are monsters'.
The girl had a gut feeling about this particular man.
Very important, imo. Trust your gut.

YNBU
I have told my daughter not to engage at all if a man stops his car to ask her for directions.
My friends and I had experience when schoolgirls of men stopping the car alongside and asking for directions and could we point out the location on the map. We would look down to see his genitalia in full display over the pages of the A to Z.

Yes, he was b u. I would never pull up in a car alongside a child and ask for directions, especially a child on their way to school. A child walking alone to school has one job. To get to school without interruption. They know their route but I bet they would be pretty clueless about names of surrounding roads.

Antiopa, that's horrible.

It's years ago now but I told my DC at that age not to go over to the car just say you don't know if you can't remember. I told them to keep on walking and don't stop and engage. Of course, now they're older they can look after themselves a bit more.

After a few others saying the same thing that their DH's or men they know do the same as my dad I think there's a few small considerations that would be nice if they were brought back.

I agree of course you have to be be on your guard, mabey that man asking directions was misguided or simply a creep, not all men are. Teaching them to fear men is not the answer but to instill safety tips. If an adult pulls up in a car and asks them directions, they can say no I am sorry I don't know, and walk away. Not get close into the car, stand about a fair distance away so that they cannot be grabbed.

creighton I have never been asked for money be any man, where are you frequenting that you get that sort of response from them!

Merrylegs thats a good point not all kids know where such and such street is my 16 yr old would struggle with streets if somebody asked for directions

YANBU

I know you're going to get flamed for this, but I understand. I don't think all men are sexual predators, but I also think it's common sense to be a bit wary when you're a young girl in an isolated position and a man approaches you. It's ridiculous to pretend to be gender blind in all situations.

When I think of all the times this happened to me as a teenager, the majority were innocent, but a good 20% were not. Even putting aside the random gropers and flashers, does no one on MN remember having horrible, humiliating conversation/monologues like this when approached on the street? Men who elicit two seconds of eye contact and then stick to you like gum?

Scuse me?
Hey, love? Yeah, you.
Hang on a sec, I just wanted to ask something.
This is Prince Street, isn't it?
Yeah, thought so.
Can I just say something?
You're really pretty, love.
Sexy legs, too!
Come on, it's not a crime to say that, is it?
How old are you?
Bet you've got loads of boyfriends.
Haven't you?
Those sexy legs!
Give me a smile!
You're walking really fast.
Where are you off to?
There's no need to be rude.
Where are you going?
Hey.
Hey, I'm talking to you.
You little bitch.

I know the guy in the OP's post probably just wanted directions.
I know most men would never dream of harassing girls.
I still think, if you're a young woman in an isolated position, it's better to be wary, even if this means being impolite. It's sad, but the blame lies with the creepy bastards, and nowhere else.

Tbh telling them to stand away so they can't be grabbed etc is teaching them to fear men. But you can teach them that men aren't to be feared generally, just in certain situations, they need to be careful. This situation is one of those situations

Creighton you need counselling, it sounds as though you have had very bad experiences of men, and are using this as a critera for all men. Yes my ds is 2 he cannot do wrong. I hope you do not have sons as this is a very sad and negative attitude. I still like to see the good in most people, yes including men too as there are some bloody lovely ones about, including my late father and dh, but in the same vein there are some horrid, nasty abusive ones too. You have to be savvy, be very cautious.

yes even now, if somebody asks me directions, I do stand away from the car, its safety not about fearing men.

Yes Hello that looks awfully familiar to me. So does

Hello, do you know the way to such and such a place
No
Do you want a lift
No
Do you want to go for dinner
I am twelve
so
Fuck Off

All the while looking for which direction is best to run in.
It's funny, I have never been asked for directions many times since I was 16, but before then you'd have thought I was walkking around with a fucking A-Z in my hand.

HelloLA that is horrible

YANBU I remember exactly this scenario when I was walking home from school (thirty years ago when stranger danger wasn't everywhere) and I felt incredibly uncomfortable with it. A man pulled his car over to ask directions and I wouldn't go near the car but pointed him the right way, when he realised I wasn't coming any closer he just drove off the opposite way to which I had pointed. I wouldn't ask a child of that age directions even if no-one else was around.