AIBU in not telling my mother I spent the 8k she gave me....

[Username12345]

....on crap.

She told me it was for me. But after I spent it she told me it was to put towards important things like a car or wedding.

Oops.

That is quite a lot to spend on crap.

Well this is a thread that'll go swimmingly.

Wow. What crap and how long did it take?

Everyone's idea of money well spent and everyone's circumstances are different though.

Your mum might agree you spent the money wisely.
Are you sure your mum would think you'd spent it on crap?

So, you wasted £8K then? That's quite shocking tbh.

Gifts should be given without reservation (IMO), so your Mum has no say in what it is spent on. That said, £8K must be an awful lot of crap! Just don't expect her to fork out for a wedding or a car in the future.

Do you not think she'll notice lack of new car or shiny wedding?

What kind of 'crap'?

And if she wanted it to be spent on specific things why didn't she tell you when it was first discussed?

If you give someone money you either do so with clearly stated intentions, or you give it as a present, with no expectations of conditions. It's not fair to expect someone to know, psychically, what you want them to do with it.

She should have said from the start if she meant it for something specific, but how long did it take you to fritter 8 fucking k?

If someone gave me £8000, there is no way I would fritter it away. I'm not sure it would cross my parents mind that I would fritter it way so they probably wouldn't tell me not to, they would assume I would be sensible with it.

How quickly did you spend it? You don't seem bothered that you have frittered away what is a substantial sum of money. Do you have and your mum have good incomes that mean £8000 is not a lot to you?

Be subtle when you tell her. Arrange to meet up, turn up late and say "Sorry I'm late but I had to walk as I have no car and my new diamonds shoes are too tight." She'll get the hint.

This is the reason we physically went and paid sums towards DC's cars/weddings/house deposits. They each had a set sum to decide what large purchase they wanted it put towards. Knowing my DD's if we hadn't it would have gone on shoes and handbags.

wind up surely with a username like that and OP nowhere to be seen.

She gave it to you, you didn't borrow it hastily for a life crisis, it is yours to spend on what you choose.

What crap and how long did it take?

Some stuff I needed like getting my laptopn fixed, car insurance, getting it fixed etc. But mostly on non essential gaming stuff.

About 17 months.

it is yours to spend on what you choose.

Don't think she'll see it like that.

OP is your update a joke post? 'Non-essential gaming stuff'? Seriously? If I was your mother I would be really upset.

Jeez, If I was given 8k, the only splurge I'd have is a ps4 and clearing off my overdraft, so maybe 1k at most, the rest would tucked away for when it was really needed.

Once you give a gift it is no longer yours.
But it's amazing how people still feel that they can comment on what a £ gift is spent on.

How can you spend that amount on gaming stuff?

so you just gave yourself the lifestle of someone earning £8k more for a year, and now it's just gone on life expenses basically? Yep, I'd be pissed off.

I guess you need to start saving to replace it so she doesnt need to know. "It's put to one side for when I need it" (of course, that means you now can never ask her for help and really should start saving)

This gifts should be given without condition or reservation thing?

So if I transfer 300k into my DD's bank account as a contribution towards her house purchase (because I'm physically unable to pass it directly onto the professionals dealing with it and don't wish it to look like mummy is bankrolling her) and she spends it on tictacs and bubblegum,that's acceptable?