Page 4 | AIBU in not telling my mother I spent the 8k she gave me....

Username12345 · 2014-10-04T16:11:00+00:00

....on crap. She told me it was for me. But after I spent it she told me it was to put towards important things like a car or wedding. Oops.

ImperialBlether · 04/10/2014 21:31

So your mum must be in her fifties or sixties? If you love her, tell her not to give you any more money. Tell her to save her money to spend on herself. She's worked for it and she deserves to spend or save it as she wants

Topaz25 · 04/10/2014 21:31

*This gifts should be given without condition or reservation thing?

So if I transfer 300k into my DD's bank account as a contribution towards her house purchase (because I'm physically unable to pass it directly onto the professionals dealing with it and don't wish it to look like mummy is bankrolling her) and she spends it on tictacs and bubblegum,that's acceptable?*

I'm sure that in that case you would make it clear the money was a contribution towards the house purchase. OP's mum seems to have given her the money randomly then only recently (after it was spent) specified what it was supposed to be for.

Topaz25 · 04/10/2014 21:32

Sorry that was supposed to be bold.

Nusalembongan · 04/10/2014 21:33

Def a wind up thread

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/10/2014 21:33

Nah, just boredom. They kept bringing out new thing and Ihadto have them. Like I said instant gratification without thinking

You know that's pretty much addiction right??!!

Mostly means anything over half so that's anything from £4000.01 upwards. That's indicative of a problem big time

Original poster

Username12345 · 04/10/2014 21:33

How would you feel about stopping spending on gaming & non essentials and saving that money back again?

That's my plan but not sure if I should tell her or just do it on the sly.

OP posts:

GahLinDah · 04/10/2014 21:33

Is this a reverse? Please say it is.

YoYoYooooo · 04/10/2014 21:34

If op said they had wasted the money on fancy new bike or an amazing holiday or a pair of diamond earrings or plastic surgery I wonder if the responses would be the same.

YoYoYooooo · 04/10/2014 21:35

Oh, yeah I bet it's a reverse.

Topaz25 · 04/10/2014 21:35

If she felt so strongly about you spending it on a car or a wedding, she should have bought you a car or waited until you were getting married and contributed specifically to the wedding fund. Once she gave you the money it was yours to spend as you wanted and if there were conditions she should have made that clearer from the start.

OTOH it is a large amount of money and I would have asked what it was for or chosen something meaningful to spend it on. Does she know you spent the money? If not, you could spare her feelings by saying it's in savings but that does of course mean you can never ask her for a contribution to a car or wedding or anything else. Might be time to see if you can sell that gaming stuff!

SalaciousCrumb · 04/10/2014 21:38

What games OP? Just curious really!

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/10/2014 21:38

Well then at least shed have something to show for it. Something more than a short lived feeling.

ItsNotEasyBeingGreen · 04/10/2014 21:39

You've been very silly. Tell her to stop paying money into your account. I don't think you can trust yourself not to waste it.

ClashCityRocker · 04/10/2014 21:39

Also, some people might consider 8k on a dress, cake and meal for three hundred of your closest friends a waste of money....just sayin'.

Did your mum specify the money was NOT to be used for general cost of living stuff? ignoring the fact that you've frittered it on pixels

Did you ask her what she was giving you 8k for?

If someone gave me 8k, and didn't specify this is for XYZ, I would spend it as I see fit. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd be making a significant purchase such as a car or a holiday, or putting it in savings, but it wouldn't occur to me that I might have to account for it at a later date.

Bulbasaur · 04/10/2014 21:40

I'm sure that in that case you would make it clear the money was a contribution towards the house purchase. OP's mum seems to have given her the money randomly then only recently (after it was spent) specified what it was supposed to be for.

Yeah, the mother should have said what she wanted the money spent on before she handed it over. If it was just a random gift, then it's fair game on what the money is spent on.

I'm still in shock about 8,000 on games. But, the mother knows her daughter, and if she's an adult being stupid with money wouldn't be a surprise at this point.

Personally, I would not give DD this amount of money unless I knew she would sensible with it. If she needed a bill paid, I would call the company and pay it, not give her the money flat out.

But this still seems to lack maturity. When I was 16 my father gave me about $300 for spending money on a trip. I spent all of it on trips to movies, nights out, etc.. When I got back my father asked for the change, while I stared at him blankly. He got upset I spend all of it, when he never told me not to. I just asked him why he gave me $300 if he didn't want me to spend it. You have the maturity of a 16 year old, OP.

That should be a life lesson to anyone giving someone money. They will spend it differently than you envisioned unless you tell them the conditions of the gift.

Be honest with your mother OP, that way she knows what her money is going towards. Not telling her because you know she might stop giving you money is deceptive.

SalaciousCrumb · 04/10/2014 21:41

Has your mum asked you what you spent the money on?

Fairyliz · 04/10/2014 21:41

op is your mum rich how much of her annual income does£8000 represent?
If she is seriously wealthy she may not mind, but if she is on average wages I wouldn't tell her and save hard to replace this money.

SolomanDaisy · 04/10/2014 21:42

In game purchases? Do you think you have a problem with this? You must realise that it is not normal for an adult to want to spend £6k on in app purchases in a year.

ChippingInLatteLover · 04/10/2014 21:42

I agree that once you hand money over it's the recipients choice what to do with it, if you haven't specified it's for something specific. However, I think most parents would feel they'd failed if their child just wasted it and didn't use it to get ahead in life or towards something very important to them.

*How would you feel about stopping spending on gaming & non essentials and saving that money back again?

That's my plan but not sure if I should tell her or just do it on the sly*

I would suggest that you tell her and ask her to put the money she's currently giving you in a savings account until you need it for something specific. I would also put your savings into an account that needs two signatures and make her one of them.

Whether you want to admit it or not, you have an addiction and you need some help.

Or you need to stop pissing about on boards like this winding people up.

I'm not sure which of those apply, but either way, you need some help.

PacificDogwood · 04/10/2014 21:44

"She pays it" - does not mean you need to spend it.

I don't care how old you are in years, no need to seriously grow up and have a long hard look at yourself.

Normally, I'd agree that a gift is a gift and once given has nothing further to do with the giver, but you are taking advantage.
Shame on you.

You either have a serious gaming addiction or you are just not a very nice person.

PacificDogwood · 04/10/2014 21:44

you need…. sorry

BlueBrightBlue · 04/10/2014 21:45

My own parents have given me a few sizable chunks of cash over the last few years £50 to £2000 . Not bought anything for myself, just got car fixed/insured or paid mortgage.
Both parents have been quite blessed regarding money; neither workshy,
I've had well paid jobs in the past just got caught up in the recession.
My mom sends the odd £50 to put towards a pair of boots and it has been spent on a new tyre or school trip.
I remember a cashier in Waitrose telling me her earnings were " pin money". I was buying stuff at the end of the day; 90% off, I wouldn't shop there per se.
" Pin Money?" What is that? Is she naïve or does her other half have a really well paid job? It's at term I've not heard of for 30+ years.

punygod · 04/10/2014 21:46

You lot wouldn't believe what I've wasted over the last 20 years.

Hindsight is horrific.

Instant gratification, filling a void, trying to buy happiness, etc etc.

Soooo easy to do. And such a bastard when you realise what you've done.

mineofuselessinformation · 04/10/2014 21:49

I would imagine op's mother has given her the money to avoid inheritance tax. Her choice if she wants to 'piss it up the wall'.
BUT OP, for God's sake, don't dare to ask her for any if you find yourself in difficult circumstances. That would be low.

thenightsky · 04/10/2014 21:55

Even my teenage DS has this face ---> that anyone would spend that much on gaming!