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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in not telling my mother I spent the 8k she gave me....

241 replies

Username12345 · 04/10/2014 17:11

....on crap.

She told me it was for me. But after I spent it she told me it was to put towards important things like a car or wedding.

Oops.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 04/10/2014 21:59

Never, ever tell her.

Ever.

Original poster
Username12345 · 04/10/2014 22:04

TBF I don't drink, smoke, go clubbing, take drugs or do any of the stuff people do as they grow up. People have probably pissed away as much if not more. Maybe it seems like a bigger deal because of the large figure.

Did your mum specify the money was NOT to be used for general cost of living stuff?

No. She said she was putting money in I could use it if I needed to.

Has your mum asked you what you spent the money on?

Yes, but I didn't tell her everything

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 04/10/2014 22:08

Well she raised you. Perhaps she already knows you're an arse with money?

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/10/2014 22:08

Fair enough, I suppose.

Just don't tell her. Let her believe you have used the money as she intended.

I am curious to know what games you have been playing though.

I drink and smoke and wouldn't rack up 6k on either, never mind both in a year.

MarieSarah · 04/10/2014 22:08

But how rich are you to receive £8000 and not think "Hey, that's an awesome amount of money, what could I do with that?". You just sat down in front of your computer and spent the money on freaking games?

Maybe you'd be less bored in your life if you had spent that money on travelling (you could have gone on so many city trips!), or going out with friends. Anything really, if you were going to spend it. But at least enjoy life, it such a waste to spend that money (any money really) on games...

But hey, to each his own.

ChippingInLatteLover · 04/10/2014 22:12

TBF I don't drink, smoke, go clubbing, take drugs or do any of the stuff people do as they grow up. People have probably pissed away as much if not more. Maybe it seems like a bigger deal because of the large figure

That makes no sense - it seems like a bigger deal because of the large figure Yes, if it was £80, it would be much less of 'a big deal' Confused

No one on an average income spends £6000+ on those things in 17 months though surely. I know I don't. Nothing like it.

greeneggsandjam · 04/10/2014 22:15

I don't think I believe you, your way of typing is too blasé, but if it is true then you need to sort yourself out and appreciate money a bit more. You never know why it might just run out. I feel sorry for your mum.

Kewcumber · 04/10/2014 22:16

Your mother is still treating you like a child and you're still behaving like one. But I assume she knows you well enough to know that so I guess she's on notice that her money is funding your "instant gratification".

My mother certainly knows her (adult) children well enough to know who will fritter away any money she gives them but even she was shocked to find out that the money she gave one of us to pay the private school fees of a grandchild one year went instead on (unnecessary) electrical equipment of various sorts.

They didn't get any more money from them. She decided if anyone was going to fritter her money away then she could quite competently do that herself.

Kewcumber · 04/10/2014 22:17

Pagwatch said that more succinctly!

Original poster
Username12345 · 04/10/2014 22:17

No one on an average income spends £6000+ on those things in 17 months though surely. I know I don't. Nothing like it.

Not in 17 months I meant their youth/through their 20s. A holiday or 2 could easily dent that.

OP posts:
Sunflowersareblue · 04/10/2014 22:17

Is it only on MN that grown adults get given money by their parents or expect handouts from other family members?!! In rl I don't know anyone this happens to. I am a grown adult and have never asked for money from my parents. They have paid for some things for my wedding, but that is traditional and once a trip to see my sister who lived abroad when I was getting over a marriage breakdown, but otherwise I pay my way and never ask or receive anything from them!
OP, why do you take money from your mother? Why not say no thanks, you keep it.

Kewcumber · 04/10/2014 22:19

I drink - if my mum gave me £8k I wouldn't spend it all on drink!

ClashCityRocker · 04/10/2014 22:20

6k in 17 months works out at about £350 frittered a month.

At one night out a week, that would work out around £85 per night out which isn't an obscene figure, certainly around here you wouldn't get much change from it for a night out.

I know a lot of people would balk at that, but for someone with no kids, it wouldn't be unreasonable.

Kewcumber · 04/10/2014 22:20

My parents once many years ago lent me the money for the deposit on my first house. I was so grateful, I can't tell you how much. When I sold that house they got their money back plus their share of the increase in value. Wouldn't occur to me to do anything else.

ClashCityRocker · 04/10/2014 22:23

kewcumber

But they didn't lend it to her...

ClashCityRocker · 04/10/2014 22:24

Ops mum, I mean.

VerityWaves · 04/10/2014 22:24

Gaming? Wow you really did spunk it up the wall didn't you ..
You didn't even get some new clothes or go for a holiday of a lifetime?
You need lessons in spending money !

PacificDogwood · 04/10/2014 22:24

My parents have helped us out in the past - got us on the property ladder.
I am eternally grateful.
8k is a huge amount of money, even if you are comfortably off and don't 'need' it (as you clearly don't if you can afford to fritter it away).

I suppose I agree with everybody who's been saying that your mother raised you and will know you, so hopefully knew what she was doing.

amyhamster · 04/10/2014 22:24

Is it only on MN that grown adults get given money by their parents or expect handouts from other family members?!! In rl I don't know anyone this happens to

well your colleague, friends might not want to tell you that dad just gave them 5k

I don't think it's that bad op

plenty of people sped 7k on a foreign holiday every summer

Pagwatch · 04/10/2014 22:27

Do the people spending 7000 on a summer holiday earn it themselves? Or are they pissing up a handout?

Kewcumber · 04/10/2014 22:30

I know they didn't lend it to her. I suppose I'm just amazed that anyone really doesn't feel any responsibility to do something with the money that doesn't make her feel ashamed to tell her mother.

I think the fact that she hasn't told her mother the truth is very telling - she knows damn well her mother will be upset.

To be fair if her mother is randomly giving her money then she's a part of creating this childlike approach to money. I mean who pays in money to an adult childs account on a regular basis if they aren't hardup.

Because if she is hardup, then wasting the £6k (or whatever was left after the car repairs and insurance) is even more insane.

Nusalembongan · 04/10/2014 22:30

I would probably spend it on a holiday tbh as it's my favourite thing to do (travelling). I wouldn't bother with a new kitchen, car, clothes or handbags (or gaming!).

Agree that most people don't go around telling friends or colleagues that they've been given money as it is very emotive.

£8k is a huge amount to some and a trivial amount to others.

drudgetrudy · 04/10/2014 22:31

"plenty of people spend 7k on a foreign holiday every summer"-well you certainly move in different circles from me.

Perhaps OP's mum has 8k to throw away then but for many people's parents that amount represents a lot of hard work.

ChippingInLatteLover · 04/10/2014 22:34

Username12345 No one on an average income spends £6000+ on those things in 17 months though surely. I know I don't. Nothing like it

Not in 17 months I meant their youth/through their 20s. A holiday or 2 could easily dent that

But we are talking about the period in which you wasted £8,000. 17 months.

Yes, people could have had a holiday and if you would rather have spent it this way than having a holiday and are otherwise financially secure then it's up to you I suppose. But I wouldn't take £8000 off of my Mum, money her and my Dad worked hard for and not spend it on something that would benefit me long term - ie towards a house deposit when I was younger/pay down the mortgage now/buy a car to get me to and from work/whatever.

I think it's partly the 'pissing away' of £8000 no matter what form that took and the fact that it was totally 'pissing it away' spending it on gaming that makes people's mind boggle.

I'd love to know if you are for real or just winding & how old you are & how financially secure.

PeachyParisian · 04/10/2014 22:34

Reverse? Who fritters 8k??