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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in not telling my mother I spent the 8k she gave me....

241 replies

Username12345 · 04/10/2014 17:11

....on crap.

She told me it was for me. But after I spent it she told me it was to put towards important things like a car or wedding.

Oops.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 04/10/2014 22:37

Lets be honest - how many of us are now fantasising about what we would spend a £8k windfall on? Grin

PacificDogwood · 04/10/2014 22:39

It would buy me a lot of lobster tails on HayDay, that's for sure Grin

ClashCityRocker · 04/10/2014 22:40

Oh, I agree wasting 6k is insane - but it is easily done and what constitutes waste isn't universal - I, for one, couldn't think of anything worse than two weeks in a hot country, or travelling, but I know lots of people like to do it. Same with weddings - to some people, they're a waste of money. Mind you, I'd have a hard time justifying money spent on gaming...

Also, I do think if OPs mum was that bothered about the money, she would have told her before giving her it what she was envisaging spending it on. Not even in a bossy sort of way, just in a 'I'm giving you money for a new car' sort of way.

In ops shoes, I would feel guilty, and foolish, but I do think her mum has moved the goalposts a bit.

ClashCityRocker · 04/10/2014 22:42

kew I've just been having that exact conversation with DH!

AlwaysHoldingOnToStars · 04/10/2014 22:47

My mum gave us £10k recently. I wish I could say we frittered it away irresponsibly. Instead we paid the debts off we'd stacked up when DH was out of work. It's nice that we can now save for the things we need/want instead of seeing it all go on credit card repayments/overdraft etc.

Now if only she had another £10k to give me I could waste it on frivolities! Probably not gaming though. Probably more shoes and clothes than I could possibly need (according to DH anyway!)

Enb76 · 04/10/2014 22:55

Actually, I've been where you are. My dad used to put £500 in my bank account every month and I got given 5k in 2000 which after about 6 months I had nothing to show for. I also got into debt around the same time. It was a combination of spending like I had millions and not worrying because my parents would always bail me out. I'm not sure what happened but I had a bit of a realisation that I would never be able to be a grown up if I didn't sort myself out.

The problem with unearned money is that you feel no responsibility for it. As long as your parents are giving you money you are always a child regardless of how old you are.

I asked my parents to stop giving me money. And I grew up.

RabbitSaysWoof · 04/10/2014 22:55

I would try to save a few k back up at least.
I agree with telling your mum as little as possible and letting her assume when you make some sensible purchases in the future that her money went towards those.

rockybalboa · 04/10/2014 23:41

Are you my SIL OP? Sounds like it...

mummymeister · 04/10/2014 23:49

and the chances of the OP being able to save some money or spending future hand outs on something sensible - yep that would nil. Sit back, relax Username12345 keep spending that money. keep milking the golden tit why not? because there is one thing for sure. one day you are going to need it and either your mum isn't going to be around to bail you out or you will have had it all. I know too many people like this too close to home. and no its not my money. but if you didn't want me to comment on it then you shouldn't have put it on a public forum. do any of your friends and family in real life know about this.

OnlyLovers · 06/10/2014 10:02

Gaming? Wow you really did spunk it up the wall didn't you ..
You didn't even get some new clothes or go for a holiday of a lifetime?
You need lessons in spending money !

What makes clothes or holidays more OK than gaming? Confused

plenty of people spend 7k on a foreign holiday every summer"-well you certainly move in different circles from me. That's a pointlessly nasty thing to say. I don't think I personally know anyone who spends that much on a holiday, but it's not that hard to imagine or believe that people do, is it?

I can't believe the judgements being flung about on this thread. People seem to have decided that gaming stuff (or 'pixels' as someone says) is the ultimate in frivolity. Who says?

I stick by the point of view that a present should be given as such, with no strings; or if someone wants to give money towards something specific they should say so when they give it.

Spindarella · 06/10/2014 10:22

I do think if she gave it to you without specifying what it was to be used for then YANBU to spend it how you choose - I could easily fritter away 8k on stuff others would find frivolous.

It's a bit more nuanced though - was this money your mum could easily afford to give or is it the result of her carefully saving over years?

You know now that your mum wanted you to spend the money on something "important". She's still giving you money. I think you need to save this new money for the purpose she intended, but not sure what you can do about what you've already spent.

A good rule of thumb is that if you are embarrassed to speak openly about something you have done then there's probably something wrong with the action. There are a few exceptions to this obviously, but generally speaking it's not a bad maxim to live by.

Spindarella · 06/10/2014 10:26

Kewcumber
Lets be honest - how many of us are now fantasising about what we would spend a 8k windfall on?

Grin

Flooring for living room, new bed for us, new bed for DS2, nice holiday, "investment" nice bag for me, pay off car loan. Gone Sad

If it come to it I'd have a nice holiday over paying off the car loan so I'm not completely unsymapthetic to OP Smile

Anotherchapter · 06/10/2014 10:26

This reply has been deleted

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FurryDogMother · 06/10/2014 12:21

I'm wondering which game - 'cos I'm a bit of a gamer myself, and although I have very occasionally given into temptation and bought in-game purchases (Sims Online, Sims 3, Dungeons & Dragons, LOTRO, WoW, Second Life, in my time - not all at the same time!), I think the most I've ever spent on a whim is around £12, and that seemed a lot to me! Whatever game it is, I really need to avoid it!

ChippingInLatteLover · 06/10/2014 12:28

anotherchapter do stop beating around the bush and say what you mean!

Grin
Numanoid · 06/10/2014 12:39

getting my laptop fixed, car insurance, getting it fixed

I would say those ^ aren't frivolities, but the rest was maybe a bit of a waste. I spend money on gaming too (buying games, Xbox Live, headset, avatar stuff and so on) but would never spend thousands on it, especially if it was 8k from my parents.

Numanoid · 06/10/2014 12:41

I think it will be hard to keep it a secret OP, your mum will wonder why you can't afford to pay for things you mentioned (car, wedding, etc.) yourself when she believes you have the money she gave you to fund it all. Unless you save up quickly! And the longer you leave these things, the worse they'll get. I would tell her, if I was in your situation.

LittleBairn · 06/10/2014 12:46

What a bizarre thread, OP seems almost pleased/smug you wasting thousands on games. You may not have a gambling addiction but that sounds like a gaming addiction, any addiction can be harmful.
What was the purpose of this thread other than to snigger at your mothers generosity?

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 06/10/2014 12:49

Are you content with how you spent it? It seems like a terrible waste to me, but each to their own, and if you're fine with it then you can just weather your mother's disapproval and get on with your life (does sound like addiction though, seriously). You sound more defiant than genuinely content to me, I must say.

If you're not happy with how you spent it, you are going to need to make some changes, to stop this happening again.

Gen35 · 06/10/2014 13:01

This just seems like a wind up, you don't sound particularly in need of advice or regretful. Grow up, tell her she should stop paying money in for you and stop wasting money in gaming. Or own your choices and don't post about it.

encyclogirl · 06/10/2014 13:04

OP what do you mean by "She's still paying it in"?

Is she giving you a monthly allowance or did she just hand you 8k one day?

plantsitter · 06/10/2014 13:12

Well I suppose you can do what you like. Just don't expect her to help out when you actually need the money for something because she'll think she already has.

How old are you OP? Are you hoping to get a telling-off from the mums of mumsnet or something? Take responsibility for yourself!

Vitalstatistix · 06/10/2014 13:14

Your mother gave you eight thousand pounds and you basically pissed it up a wall.

She is continuing to bankroll you and you are continuing to have a wastful attitude about it.

None of that is our problem. Doesn't affect us at all. But one day, when you are standing on your own two feet, you will probably regret it. Or maybe not. Maybe you'll look back and say how happy it made you and how you spent it in the best way. But again, that'll be your problem.

So really, I'd say that whatever you choose to do, make sure it's something you'll be happy with. Doesn't matter what any of us think of feel. I don't suppose we really care either way, when all's said and done.

But you should probably start planning what you're going to tell your mum when she finally asks you properly.

And don't moan to her about not being able to afford your wedding/car/whatever, because you'll have nobody to blame but yourself.

Original poster
Username12345 · 06/10/2014 18:51

You sound like a right dickhead.

Because you're such a charmer.

Are you content with how you spent it?

I wish I hadn't but I'm not going to cry over it. It's done.

What was the purpose of this thread other than to snigger at your mothers generosity?

To get an opinion if I should come clean or not.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 06/10/2014 19:04

I very much doubt you posted this 'to get an opinion if you should come clean or not'

If that were true and even if you'd had a unanimous vote that you should tell her, I am certain you wouldn't.

What adult would seriously admit to spending that kind of money on such trivia?

You seem to think it's clever to have blown that much money on in game purchases- the rest of us just think it's sad.

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