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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think £100 is too much?

201 replies

soapboxqueen · 18/09/2014 21:00

Dh and I are going to a wedding in a few weeks. We don't know the couple very well, the groom is the brother of my dh's friend. They have asked for cash instead of gifts which is fine but I was thinking maybe £30 or something. Dh thinks it should be £100 because we are getting a meal. I think this is way too much considering we are travelling the length of the country to get there and we hardly know them.

It's more than double what we spent on his siblings when we bought gifts for their weddings.

Aibu ?

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 18/09/2014 21:01

It depends really on what you can afford. We gave £30 to friends recently for their wedding, and like you we had travelled and had to pay for hotels etc. I would have liked to give them more, but really couldn't afford it.

MrsCurrent · 18/09/2014 21:02

I think people who ask for anything are bloody cheeky, more so those who ask for money! £30 is plenty.

Mrsgrumble · 18/09/2014 21:02

I live in Ireland 200 euro is the norm here.

ByTheWishingWell · 18/09/2014 21:03

YANBU. You don't need to pay them back for the meal! And I wouldn't spend £100 on a present for someone I didn't know very well.

Rivercam · 18/09/2014 21:04

I think £30-50 is fine. Give in cash what you would have spent on a present.

Rivercam · 18/09/2014 21:05

I agree, you don't have to pay for the meal.

Floralnomad · 18/09/2014 21:06

My question would be why are you travelling the length of the country to attend the wedding of people you hardly know ?

FamiliesShareGerms · 18/09/2014 21:09

You're not buying a ticket to an event - you are giving a gift; they are feeding their guests.

£30 is fine - buy a lovely card to put it in

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 18/09/2014 21:09

And why on earth have you been invited? Aren't weddings costly enough without inviting your brother's mates (and spouses)?

Original poster
soapboxqueen · 18/09/2014 21:10

Floral because we were asked. The family are nice enough people and my husband really wants to go.

OP posts:
rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 21:10

Well, this isn't Ireland. It's the UK. £30 is fine.

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 18/09/2014 21:11

You cover your meal - each meal would be perhaps £30-40 a head?

We don't know the couple very well, the groom is the brother of my dh's friend

I would not be going unless I was a hanger on for Hello magazine. Do you mean it you who doesn't know the bridal couple but your DH does? Brother of a friend can be close. Or not. Depending.

Are you going back to DHs home town?

I'd buy a present. A nice photo frame or similar.

AlpacaMyBags · 18/09/2014 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
soapboxqueen · 18/09/2014 21:12

calculators i think we might be making up numbers. I don't think it is a big wedding if you catch my drift.

OP posts:
Original poster
soapboxqueen · 18/09/2014 21:15

Dh has met the bride in passing once. Not particularly close to the groom either. He just happens to be there when he is with his friend. They are see other about once a year since leaving university.

No it's not a friend from his home town.

OP posts:
LumpenproletariatAndProud · 18/09/2014 21:16

Why would they invite you?

Genuinely, I thought it was really expensive to have weddings? Why would a couple invite their friends brother that they hardly know? Do you think they were embarrassingly low on numbers? Couldnt they just have a quiet wedding?

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 18/09/2014 21:17

Oh I took so bloody long to press send an missed your recent post.

Ignore mine. Grin

lornathewizzard · 18/09/2014 21:19

We got married recently and the vast majority of our gifts were cash or vouchers (which suited us fine). Ranged from £20 to £150. The higher amounts were either between a few people or from close family / friends. Personally I would say £30 in your situation is plenty.

Original poster
soapboxqueen · 18/09/2014 21:19

lump i really don't know. I agree with you.

I had a really small wedding and got a cookery book and some casserole dishes. £100 just seems ludicrous.

OP posts:
LumpenproletariatAndProud · 18/09/2014 21:19

Its totally ludicrous. Dont do it.

NoodleOodle · 18/09/2014 21:21

I would give £30 each probably. My rule is what I can afford, my Mum's rule is cover the meal plus a little.

Xmasbaby11 · 18/09/2014 21:21

Nobody gives the cost of a meal! The food and drink at our wedding was about £50 a head. Nobody spent anywhere near that much on a gift, nor would I expect them to! £30 is fine.

LittleBairn · 18/09/2014 21:23

I'm the cynical sort they invited people they barely know because they want money from their guests. More guests = £££.

M00nUnit · 18/09/2014 21:24

£30 is an appropriate amount. £100 is way too much IMO.

thatstoast · 18/09/2014 21:24

This is one of the great mumsnet conundrums. A lot of people seem to think that you shouldn't request money and then a lot of people think if you give money it should be a small fortune.

I think £100 for someone you hardly know is far too much. I'd give £20 or £40 in the basis that £20 notes look nicer than tenners.

Personally if a friend of a friend gave me £100 as a gift I'd be mortified.

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