to think £100 is too much?

[soapboxqueen]

Dh and I are going to a wedding in a few weeks. We don't know the couple very well, the groom is the brother of my dh's friend. They have asked for cash instead of gifts which is fine but I was thinking maybe £30 or something. Dh thinks it should be £100 because we are getting a meal. I think this is way too much considering we are travelling the length of the country to get there and we hardly know them.

It's more than double what we spent on his siblings when we bought gifts for their weddings.

Aibu ?

I got married last year, I'd hate to think cash gifts we received were to cover meal costs - we invited them therefore decided to pay for them to eat with us! £30 is plenty.

The idea that you need to 'cover your plate' is ridiculous and anybody who expects this is simply wrong. I don't object to giving money - better than a gift that they neither want nor need - but give about what you would spend on a gift.

See the thing is, i can understand a tradition for big gifts at weddings because it was setting the couple up in their new life.

However in the vast majority of cases that just isn't true anymore. They already are set up and in this case in their mid forties so have everything they need.

If i were getting married now i would hate anybody, giving that kind of money. I might accept it from parents but really i would be mortified from anyone else. It just isn't necessary.

I appreciate others see it differently.

I am not sure why you are going either, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Years ago a colleague in my husband's office invited us to his sister's wedding. My husband barely knew the work colleague and had certainly never met his sister or her groom, yet for some reason still felt he ought to go. No idea why. Just to make up the numbers I guess.

I knew none of them at all and said I would not be going. I just didn't want to, would not have known anyone at all apart from my husband and would have felt totally like a fish out of water. In the end neither of us went, as he finally realised that we had no connection whatsoever to them.

I think £100 is way too much considering you do not even know the bride and groom, and have at best only seen them from afar. £30 is plenty.

I really hate this idea of 'covering your meal'. They've invited you, they've chosen to spend what they've spent. You're accepting their invitation at whatever cost it is to you to attend, and your gift to them is entirely separate. If someone invites you to dinner at their house, you don't think, Oh they must have spent about £40 on food and booze for the pair of us, I'd better make sure I take a £40 bottle of wine.

I'd give £100 for close family; £50-60 for good friends; £30 for less close friends.

That said, 'Brother of husband's friend' is so tenuous a connection that you're almost at the point of treating is as for a meal for two out, since you might as well be dining in a restaurant with a bunch of complete strangers!

We gave £100 to friends when we were invited to the evening not my choice, dh being an arse again this wedding was in June. We haven't had a Thank you note yet

I wanted to give £50, I'd say that's quite a normal amount, but if you don't really know them £30 is fine.

Club together with others? In a card?

Whats all this 'covering the cost of your meal' stuff ? I've never heard of that.thank god.

£30 is more than enough.

Whilst I don't think you should judge the amount you give on the size of the party £30 doesn't sound enough to me unless that is all you can afford. I would give £100-120

I give 100 when we go to family weddings or a very close friend. For someone a bit more random, well, to be honest, I probably wouldn't even go but for work colleagues for example, whose wedding I went to last year, I gave 50.

I wouldn't attend a full wedding meal as a couple and not give at least £50.

Same here - never heard of covering cost of meal and I hate it. Total mercenary nonsense which pervades so many weddings

Vseth we don't know anyone else going (other than the grooms brother) so can't club together.

You would give someone you didn't know £120?

I think I might get married and invite the loaded of MN to my wedding

Yanbu

Honestly it isn't too much about being able to afford it or not. I just think it is crackers.

I agree op.

I'd only give close family that much/ more if I could afford to.

Not people I "get on with". That's madness.

I suppose it's all relative to income.
But... I would say that most of my friends at my wedding were fairly well off (think doctors, lawyers, specialist IT) - not crazy rich, but comfortable and above average incomes. At that stage of our lives, no kids - lots of expensive hobbies instead!
We asked for honeymoon gift vouchers (not offensive in our circle ) and generally people gave £30 as a couple. Which was very generous.

This is a second wedding for middle aged people you dont know?

I wouldnt be going.

however, do you always countermand your DHs spends

I'd give £100 (between the two of you).

No way would I give £100, that's a ridiculous amount for someone you hardly know, unless you're well off yourself.

£100 is a ludicrous amount of money to give someone you aren't even that close to. The bride and groom may well be embarrassed to recieve that much from people so distant, and it could well come across as if you are being showy and distasteful.

Saying that, they did ask for cash in the first place, so probably don't have much in the way of class themselves.

Give them £50 of john lewis vouchers ,that's a reasonable amount .

I usually give £40 from me and DH unless it is close family or an very close friend. £30 is absolutely fine.

£100 is ridiculous. The most we were given was £50 and I thought that was an awful lot.