to think £100 is too much?

[soapboxqueen]

Dh and I are going to a wedding in a few weeks. We don't know the couple very well, the groom is the brother of my dh's friend. They have asked for cash instead of gifts which is fine but I was thinking maybe £30 or something. Dh thinks it should be £100 because we are getting a meal. I think this is way too much considering we are travelling the length of the country to get there and we hardly know them.

It's more than double what we spent on his siblings when we bought gifts for their weddings.

Aibu ?

£100? No way. That's a ridiculous amount of money to give as a gift unless you're minted
I'm married. No way on this earth would I have expected a £100 cash as a gift just because we were paying for the meal at the reception!
That's what you do when you get married - pay for the meals. Not expect the cost back in the form of wedding gifts!

£30-50 or John Lewis vouchers. Our wedding was £120 per head but there's no way I would have told our guests the cost, nor would I have expected anything they did or gave to cover it. They are two very unrelated things!

Some one I knew had a wedding and asked for donations to charity if and only if they wanted too. If you don't need anything for house why should you get lots of money.

Staggered at the idea a present should cover the cost of the meal.
No, a present should be what you can afford. You don't get to chose the locatation, the date or chose your meal freely so it is not equivalent to going out for dinner. And what if the couple are not paying for the wedding themselves? Should you skip the pressie and just hand over dosh to the person paying the bills? If you invite people to a wedding you do not e pect to recoup part of the costs. And if you think that you need to do this, plan a less expensive do.
In this instance £30 sounds more than generous for a couple you barely know

Whats all this 'covering the cost of your meal' stuff ? I've never heard of that.thank god. £30 is more than enough.

Yes. What UsualSuspect said! If you put any more than that in envelopes around here you'd be thought of as having money to chuck away!

I think £30 is too little. How about £50. I think the fact that you hardly know them is an odd thing to think of when you are going to their wedding.

I don't understand why you are going. I wouldn't go and I just send them a card and a small gift.

admit we make all of our decisions together. If he really wanted to he could do what he wanted. Though i would judge him and probably deny him pudding (no that isn't a euphemism)

The most my daughter and her husband received on their wedding day was £100 from a close friend of the groom and I was quite surprised that someone would give so much. £30 to £50 is fine and probably the norm.

Only on mn have I ever heard this rule of covering the cost of the meal. I still think it is a weird concept. My daughter had an amazing caterer and the 3 course meal was definitely above your average wedding food and it didn't cost anything like £50 per head.

Sorry, my point is that the cost of the food is totally irrelevant. How do you even know what the catering costs were? Give what you can afford and what seems appropriate. It isn't some convoluted financial arrangement.

Covering the cost of the meal?! What on earth?! It shouldn't ever be expected and you certainly shouldn't feel as if you have to......at all!

For very close friends, I'd maybe, at a push, give £50, but I'm on a limited income. £30 is more than generous!!

I do think it is strange to invite those you have only a nodding acquaintance with. Do they lack friends?

YANBU. Unless you are minted, £100 is a HUGE amount and would be embarassing to receive. £20 - £30 is fine.

30-50 is fine.
When DD was a bridesmaid I cave my Cousin a £100, spent about £50 on a gift from the DDs, but for friends 30-50 is plenty.

And they spoilt DD2(11) rotten. My cousins fiancé and her sister (the other bridesmaid) took her shopping for shoes, just like theirs and bought pretty plop flops for dancing. She stayed the night before with them and they had pizza and watched the Olympic opening.

She walked into the church looking like a princess. More 16 than 11, but absolutely stunning non the less.

We got married at the weekend, and the most we received in one envelope was £100 and that was from close family members. Most people gave around £20. We were overwhelmed by the generosity.

We're all very working class though, don't know if the rules are different and more grabby at posh weddings!

The covering the meal thing is very odd.

Even if I were only paying £30 for a meal for myself and my DH I'd want to be able to choose it myself. Couples choose what they want for their weddings, there is nothing to suggest that guests are supposed to cover that.

Would your DH want to give as much if they were having a hog roast and ice cram van?

fireside I really don't know.

£100 is a lot! I'd give that amount for family and £50 for friends. The value of the gift should never be dictated by the cost of food! Our average gift value was £50 at our wedding last year and we spent £80+ per head for food plus a free bar. I didnâ??t give a second though about the gift values. We just wanted everyone to enjoy the food (and get drunk!).

I know you're on the same wave length as me crumbelinaand are saying that £100 is too much, but I'm REALLY wanting to know what your menu comprised of that made it come to £80 per head!
I think I'm in a parallel universe to everyone else on this thread

Cover the cost of the meal? To heck with that! If that were the point of wedding gifts, then they should sell tickets to weddings, not give out invites!
£30 is adequate for a couple you don't know well.

£30-£40 will be ample. £100 is too much.

This is a real eye opener! The minimum present we got was about £150; most couples gave £250-500; a few close family gave £1,000s or more (or lots of gold - tradition in DH's family).

I'm with Primafacie! Maybe it is a cultural thing but I am off to a close friend's wedding tomorrow and giving £400.

It is a lot - could you meet half way?