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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send round this wedding email?

210 replies

emdemm · 18/09/2014 17:53

DF and I are getting married soon, we are having a traditional church ceremony as we're both Christian. We've picked out the hymns we want but quite a lot of our guests aren't religious or have faiths other than Christianity so wouldn't be familiar with them - to be fair some hymns aren't even that common in the churches we know! But I've been to weddings where everyone shares the confused look and mumbles through to be polite and it's just quite embarrassing...

I would like to send round an email to all our guests with links to the songs (there are only 3) just so they can familiarise themselves with them if they want to. Obviously if people don't want to join in, that's absolutely fine! Just to have the option if they like. Would that be unreasonable?

OP posts:
Yama · 18/09/2014 17:55

I would be fine with receiving such an email. I am, however, a terrible singer.

UncrushedParsley · 18/09/2014 17:56

I would feel a bit....uh?....if I got this email tbh. It would sound, to me, like you expected us to practise or something. Wouldn't like it, and has never been done IME.

ArabellaTarantella · 18/09/2014 17:56

I'd be more inclined to choose hymns/song that people know. Nothing worse than embarrassed silence with only the vicar singing.

I think YABU to expect people to learn them.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/09/2014 17:57

You can do, there is no harm, but just say its optional, do not force them to do this or you could end up being a bit of a bridezilla.

TranmereRover · 18/09/2014 17:58

I'd think that if you're really concerned about the quality of the singing that you shoudl pick hymns everyone knows or hire the choir to bolster the congregation. Sending out homework in advance is precisely what wound me up to distraction with Secret Cinema (tho' I appreciate that a friend's wedding is not the same as an over priced interactive cinema experience)

Fallulah · 18/09/2014 17:59

Depends how you word it I think... I haven't ever been sent the hymns in advance but I have been sent 'here is a lot of information about our wedding and a link to the planned order of service' in the past.

Does the church have a choir?

OwlinaTree · 18/09/2014 17:59

Are you able to have a choir? They can do wonders leading the singing. Or ask your church friends to sit near the front to lead it a bit?

pippop1 · 18/09/2014 18:00

I'm a different religion so don't know too much about hymns but could you get the words printed and give them out at the ceremony so that everyone can sing along? That would be lovely for someone like me.

SteeleyeSpanx · 18/09/2014 18:00

YABVU!

Along with most other atheists I know, I don't sing hymns at weddings, funerals etc. It would be very hypocritical IMO.

If a lot of your friends are non-religious, that will be why they aren't singing!

rootypig · 18/09/2014 18:00

YABU. Train up your family and get them to sing extremely loudly and decisively. Or invite a choir.

StrawberryCheese · 18/09/2014 18:00

If I received info of the hymns I wouldn't mind. Neither DH or I are religious but we do differ when it comes to singing, he stands there in silence which I think is a bit rude. However the wedding we attended did involve TEN unheard of hymns so an extreme example.

rootypig · 18/09/2014 18:00

Oh cross posts with about a hundred people Grin

OwlinaTree · 18/09/2014 18:02

X post with everyone! What hymns are you having out of interest my nosiness

rookiemater · 18/09/2014 18:02

I wouldn't send them out to everyone, it does seem a bit like homework No harm however in sending it to closest family and telling them why. Provided you have a few people who are familiar with them then you should be fine.

thatstoast · 18/09/2014 18:02

Ooh, not sure. When I've been to weddings of close friends I've asked them to tell me what hymns they're having so I can practice (completely non-religious but a music geek) but I can see why people might think it's a bridezilla thing to do.

Does the church have a choir? Or room for a choir so you can hire one?

AllThatGlistens · 18/09/2014 18:02

I can understand your reasoning, but I imagine there'd be a fair few raised eyebrows and Hmm faces if you did Grin

WooWooOwl · 18/09/2014 18:02

I'd talk to your nearest and dearest instead, let them know that you're worried about the hymns and ask them if they can familiarise themselves so that it's not awkward when the time comes.

I wouldn't send it to everyone, you are likely to end up with people thinking 'bride zilla'.

I'd be happy to recieve this email if I knew it was coming and it was from someone I'm close to. But if it came from people that are extended family more distant friends, or I was going as a plus one, I would think you were expecting too much, even though you say it's optional.

GertrudeTheMongrel · 18/09/2014 18:04

YABU and a total Bridezilla. If you put that out your guests will be pissing themselves about this.

TranmereRover · 18/09/2014 18:04

I love a sing along at a wedding and am frankly disappointed if there's no Jerusalem

francesdrake · 18/09/2014 18:04

This is one of those AIBUs where my initial reaction is 'that's a great idea, how helpful' but then almost immediately, I get an 'actually, if that happened to me, I would feel nagged' reaction.

If you want people to sing enthusiastically, then choose hymns they're likely to know. If you want hymns no one knows, get a choir to sing them really well, instead of your guests mumbling awkwardly.

There should be an MN 'fence sitting splinters' emoticon.

ThereMustAndShallBeTea · 18/09/2014 18:05

MNers find the weirdest things offensive. I'd have no issue with an email like that, OP.

squatcher · 18/09/2014 18:05

I think sending round the email might be a bit too much like homework as pp says. Can you do it less formally, just by mentioning your concerns to some friends and family and letting them know what the hymns are?

Or could you book the church choir? That would really take the pressure off but they probably don't come cheap.

I used rather more underhand tactics by buying drinks for a few members of the village church choir a couple of weeks before our wedding. They duly turned up to the service and sang along beautifully.

Original poster
emdemm · 18/09/2014 18:06

Actually it was one of my friends who is atheist that got me thinking! She asked if I could tell her the hymns so she could learn them, which i thought was a lovely gesture. So I was thinking some people may feel similar.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 18/09/2014 18:07

I wouldn't mind getting it.

I would totally ignore it however!!

rootypig · 18/09/2014 18:08

Me too Tranmere! Grin

OP YAalsoBU to choose hymn that not everyone knows. Jerusalem, To Be a Pilgrim, and I Vow To Thee My Country please.

ThereMust I'm not offended. If I got an email like that, I would roll my eyes and forget it like every other wedding email. OP asked a question and the answer is, YABU to expect people to care about the hymns at your wedding. It's just too self involved. And teacherly. Very teacherly.