to send round this wedding email?

[emdemm]

DF and I are getting married soon, we are having a traditional church ceremony as we're both Christian. We've picked out the hymns we want but quite a lot of our guests aren't religious or have faiths other than Christianity so wouldn't be familiar with them - to be fair some hymns aren't even that common in the churches we know! But I've been to weddings where everyone shares the confused look and mumbles through to be polite and it's just quite embarrassing...

I would like to send round an email to all our guests with links to the songs (there are only 3) just so they can familiarise themselves with them if they want to. Obviously if people don't want to join in, that's absolutely fine! Just to have the option if they like. Would that be unreasonable?

Good idea I think. I find hymns really difficult, mostly due to the high notes, but tunes and timing is tricky too.

However, be careful how you phrase it.

I am confused. Are you more worried about guests not knowing the tune or lyrics? Were you not planning on giving guests words to the song? In my circle words are always provided at weddings just like they are at normal services - through hymn books or the projector

We had a pull down screen with the words projected onto it and an enthusiastic amateur choir from the church. It was ace, everyone except my mum joined in .

Mrs I would go to a church wedding (and have) to support the B&G on their special day, I just dont join in the religious parts of it. So I dont pray or sing the songs but I do listen and support them as they make their vows. I dont go to baptisms though, as often the congregation is asked to make promises and I cant do that.

Mrs DeVere - For me, the not bowing my head, or getting on my knees (was at a Catholic wedding recently) is more because I think it would be disrespectful to Christians, rather than due to my own beliefs.

I'm not a strong atheist, I just think that if I were to pray and sing etc in church - when I don't believe - that somehow makes doing those things less significant for those who DO believe. Does that make sense?

I quite like a church wedding. It's lovely to see friends getting married and also somehow touching to see that others do have a faith that is strong and important to them. I think, though, it is possible to go along and be respectful of other people's beliefs without having to act along.

We had familiar hymns, had the words in the order of service to save looking through hymn books and we booked the church choir (really not that expensive) / I had this one covered!

I wouldn't mind the email, I love singing hymns (not terribly well though). Like other posters I am a lapsed Christian so can still sing a heck of a lot of hymns from memory and pick up new ones quite quickly.

I understand it would be difficult to not go to a family wedding but refusing to sing hymns seems to indicate you have very strong beliefs.

Yes! I don't get this at all. Surely being an atheist means you don't have any beliefs to be strong about?! Surely it's all just words? And doesn't mean anything to you at all?

Fwiw I don't do the prayers because there's no point nobody upstairs to hear it and not joining in doesn't make any difference to the atmosphere. But I still sit or kneel quietly with head bowed while I contemplate my shopping list or whatever to be respectful to those who do believe. I wouldn't be a godparent because I can't make the promises and I wouldn't join in with the congregational promises either.

The other thing with hymns is they are just songs and we sing songs about all kinds of things we don't mean all the time without giving a toss. Singing hosannah won't give you a dose of Christianity. It is horribly noticeable if they singing is a bit thin and it can bring down the mood of the ceremony. So I join in with gusto while not meaning any of it. Just good manners really and when in Rome...

I think sometimes when things are a bit close to home it feels more uncomfortable to join in. The more 'other' the ritual the less strange it feels to join in. I've known a couple of people who are funny about Christian ceremonies join in enthusiastically with Hindu ceremonies.

What I don't get is, if you are an atheist, and you believe there is no God, then the words you sing in a hymn are as much as meaningless mumbo jumbo how can you object to singing them? Your friends have invited you to share in their joy not stand there like a wet weekend on your principles. No God can be listening after all so what does it matter? If you object so strongly that you cannot bear to sing words you don' t agree with why are you even in a building you so obviously distain? Is it ok to listen to readings? Have you got your fingers crossed through the prayers lest anyone should think you are praying? If it was my wedding and such things were so at odds with your principles I would expect you to give your apologies and not attend the ceremony.

I'd completely ignore it. I don't know any hymns and I don't even pretend to sing along when forced to take part.

I'd probably burst into flames if I walked into a church though

Cos they might catch the Jesus sandfish

I don't sing at all. So I certainly wouldn't be singing I'm afraid. And as an atheist I would feel like I'd be making a mockery of my beliefs and those of the couple by singing along as if those the words were meaningless twaddle,and not as intended,as an affirmation of faith.

I don't have a problem with hymns. Many are quite beautiful,but I prefer to content myself with listening to them.

I hate weddings anyway,and attend only if it's important to a couple that I'm present,or if it's important to them to have a large number present. If they don't want me there because I won't sing along,I sit there respectfully,and stand at appropriate moments,then that's fine by me.

Hymn practice before a wedding? Hmm, I've just remembered that my cat is ill and I can't make it any more.

Singing a hymn constitutes an act of worship. Going to a church to witness ones friend get married does not.

I'm amazed this is controversial for some.

I did swear before God,once as a juror. I didn't feel terribly comfortable with that,but everyone had been waiting a long time,and I didn't want to hold proceedings up further,by asking for a separate oath. I just said it,and thought of my personal rock god,Angus Young.

I must admit I'd be a bit at getting an email like that. It's different if someone asks, like your friend, but otherwise it feels a bit demanding somehow.
I would just have a Order of Service for everyone at the church with all the hymns printed out. You could send out an email saying if anyone would like a sneak peek at the hymn list to let you know?

I think the "A few people have asked me about the music for the ceremony so I though I send it to all the guests in case you're interested." approach is better than just sending them out. I do think I'd find your email strange though and a bit like you were expecting a polished performance.

Sorry, I only read the first page, didn't realise there were 6 more, so didn't rtt!

AlfAlf's suggesting is good but I doubt you'd get many takers!

I'm shocked at the number of people who would be offended by a family member or friend sending a nice email.

Ok i understand some people strongly don't want to sing hymns but you know I feel there is a time and a place for making a point about being an atheist. If you generally go along with what is going on at a service with a good will on the basis that you love your friend and want to support and respect their CHOICE of a religious service because it matters to them I understand that. If you say you cannot attend the ceremony part for reasons of conscience I respect that. No one can force you to pray or indeed listen to the sermon or readings but you can still be there. But If you stand out such as not singing, and make things awkward by not joining in with the service then honestly you are trying to make it about you and it is not.

To address the OP your approach to the hymns has to take into account your 'audience' for the email. What proportion of the recipients are Christian. Maybe just send your email to them? Less than half the folk at my Church wedding were Christian so we just picked really well known hymns. One guy, renowned atheist who suffered physical abuse at his Catholic school, made a big effort and to my surprise actually came to my wedding. I can't tell you how much I appreciated that he was there, I know just setting foot in the door was really hard.