to send round this wedding email?

[emdemm]

DF and I are getting married soon, we are having a traditional church ceremony as we're both Christian. We've picked out the hymns we want but quite a lot of our guests aren't religious or have faiths other than Christianity so wouldn't be familiar with them - to be fair some hymns aren't even that common in the churches we know! But I've been to weddings where everyone shares the confused look and mumbles through to be polite and it's just quite embarrassing...

I would like to send round an email to all our guests with links to the songs (there are only 3) just so they can familiarise themselves with them if they want to. Obviously if people don't want to join in, that's absolutely fine! Just to have the option if they like. Would that be unreasonable?

I'm a athiest through and through but have no problem at all singing hymns- indeed, I've occasionally accompanied my very religious MIL to Mass. It's a bit boring but I go with the best of intentions and find I can relate to the general gist of being a nice person and being thankful for what you have got blah, blah, blah. A bit of reflection can't be a bad thing and I just ignore the 'god' part of it

I'm sure if I'm wrong I'm not and god does exist he wouldn't mind

I guess the non hymn singing atheists don't sing Christmas carols either. How is that even possible

I'm amazed this is controversial for some

Exactly. It's a total none issue for me as an atheist and not the least bit controversial which is why I am baffled by anyone refusing to join in with the singing at a wedding on a point of principle

Oh dear I think i have just demolished my own argument (brain where art thou?) Thinking about my friend mentioned above, I do understand not being able to sing the words of hymns if they are linked to painful things, ideas or memories, and I can see no harm in a big crowd, if you just stay silent. Its when people turn up for church ceremonies with a longsuffering face and begrudge joining in with the singing that annoys me. This matters to your friends, they don't want silence or they wouldn't have chosen hymns. Come with a goodwill or not at all and all that. I'm reminded of when i was a teenager turning up for church with ripped jeans and/or short skirts for the sole purpose of scandalising the old ladies in hats. Just seems so childish.

Could you imagine if you had to believe the words in every song you ever sang?

The Beatles would have to be actual walruses (is that the plural of walrus? I've never had cause to wonder before!)

Amy Winehouse would have had to be in an actual relationship with a woman called Valerie who she wanted to come over.

Gloria Gaynor would have to seek out her horrible ex every night to belt out how she will survive.

I'd only be able to sing songs about bellowing at my children, work, making dinner and MNingl

wow, so not singing in church is now offensive?

believe me, my singing voice is offensive on its own.

No I don't sing Christmas carols. I don't attend any events that would require me to do so. And I don't sing at home.

Also I'm not worried about standing out by not singing. I'd say at most of the weddings I've been to,that at least half of those present do not sing. But even if I did stand out,it doesn't bother me. I sit/stand/kneel at the requisite moments,and remain quiet during prayers. I feel that's respectful enough.

i am an atheist but i'll happily sing hymns in church. if you phrase it nicely, it's fine.

something like 'we are having a christian wedding, so there will be a couple of hymns. some people have asked for youtube links, if you would like them too, let me know. there is absolutely no pressure though.'

Songs are different to me. Singing hymns is an act or worship,and an affirmation of faith. Neither of which I wish to participate in,and it doesn't seem terribly respectful to believers for me to sing them as though they have little meaning,or importance.

Agree with IK8 . Singing hymns are only an act of worship if you are actually worshipping when singing them. If you are just singing them they are just words and maybe nonsense words at that. If you really object can you not even hum along with the tune so your friends who wanted this music are not met with silence? If you can't bring yourself to do that why attend? People might have all sorts of reasons for not singing which I have said I sympathise with including those who feel they 'cant sing'. But it is just odd to me to have a theological objection when you have no theology?

Am amazed at the number of people who don't sing hymns. Guess it's the difference between being atheist and being anti-religion - why do you care otherwise? Eg to the poster who said Christmas was ok because it was a "cultural festival" - that's exactly what a wedding is too!

Why do I attend? Because the bride/groom have invited me. I didn't realise that it was actually my vocal cords they were requesting,and not my presence. Next time I'll just record myself,and forward that.

I'm not anti religion as such. I don't really understand faith,or its appeal. Although I can see many beautiful and intriguing aspects in many faiths. But overall it's not something that interests me. I really don't care what anyone else is or does,so long as they don't try to force it upon me.

The other thing with hymns in order to get everyone singing along, is to ensure they're played at an appropriate speed. There's nothing worse than an organist playing the melody so slowly that everyone's fallen asleep before the end of the first line! A nice upbeat hymn should be a rollicking good singalong tbh!

So what are the hymns, OP?

A few people mentioning 'Jerusalem'. I wanted that, but the vicar and the vicar's wife at my wedding didn't allow voiced strong disapproval of 'Jerusalem' so I didn't. However, they were (and still are in fact) also my parents! Quite a few vicars don't like it at weddings, funnily enough.

It's a total none issue for me as an atheist and not the least bit controversial which is why I am baffled by anyone refusing to join in with the singing at a wedding on a point of principle

I'm not refusing to join in with singing at a wedding, I am refusing to join in with a sung act of worship in a house of god.

If I were at a church service where one of the songs was You Are My Sunshine (not sure why that example came to my head....), I would sing it. I may even - shock - do some jazz hands or a little wiggle as I stand there singing it.

I don't sing Christmas carols because, like PPs, I am never at an event where Christmas carols would be sung.

I don't ever sing the national anthem either....

Along with choosing hymns people are likely to know, I agree with TimeForAnotherNameChange too.

You can always change the words of the hymns slightly

'Sing Lasagna, sing lasagna'
'Sing Lasagna to some kind of thing'

Oops, I'm a total hypocrite I just remembered I had one (The King of Love) people wouldn't know.

I shouldn't comment on these threads. My husband, a Christian, TillHammerZeit, is completely on your side. He thinks words really matter and thinks you are right not to sing if you don't believe. I think because it is a wedding and yes angeltulips I think of that as a cultural festival its seems to me not joining in is like a lack of support for the couple that chose a church wedding.

But if you asked me if it was ok to attend a Church service if you don't believe I would say yes, welcome, if you could come if you don't want to pray, I'd say yes, if yow wanted to come to church if you can't sing the hymns -yes come. Because at different times of my life I've been all of the above. I think if you wanted to set up a money exchange in the church Jesus might not be OK with that but otherwise all are welcome!

Think i am being logically inconsistent so need to think it through...thanks for the debate.

I think if you wanted to set up a money exchange in the church Jesus might not be OK with that

This is actually what I do while the hymns are going on....

Do you have a wedding website with info about the day? Our guests were a very mixed bag of churchy/non churchy so we stuck YouTube links to the hymns up on the site so people could familiarise themselves in advance if they wanted. Although I really doubt that anyone did! I nixed my first choice of hymn because it was too obscure - go with something reasonably well known and you should be fine. It's amazing how a few voices can carry a congregation.

Sorry for disappearing the reason why our hymn choices are a not unusual is because my grandmother and DF's mother have both passed away since we got engaged, so two hymns are their favourites. It's our way of having them with us on the day

The last one is by Rend Collective who are a bit like the Christian Mumford and Sons! Nice and cheerful.

No of course I wouldn't be offended if people chose not to sing, it's a personal choice. I think most of our guests wouldn't mind though.

Our hymn choices ARE unusual, even! Fat fingers

I really wouldn't mind receiving this email.

(Atheist who likes the odd hymn.)