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AIBU?

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Original poster

to send round this wedding email?

210 replies

emdemm · 18/09/2014 17:53

DF and I are getting married soon, we are having a traditional church ceremony as we're both Christian. We've picked out the hymns we want but quite a lot of our guests aren't religious or have faiths other than Christianity so wouldn't be familiar with them - to be fair some hymns aren't even that common in the churches we know! But I've been to weddings where everyone shares the confused look and mumbles through to be polite and it's just quite embarrassing...

I would like to send round an email to all our guests with links to the songs (there are only 3) just so they can familiarise themselves with them if they want to. Obviously if people don't want to join in, that's absolutely fine! Just to have the option if they like. Would that be unreasonable?

OP posts:
FoxSticks · 18/09/2014 19:43

Same here Liege, I'd find it odd to be at a church wedding without hymns.

treaclesoda · 18/09/2014 19:43

Sicaq the only wedding I've ever been to without hymns was in a Reformed Presbyterian Church where there was no music, just unaccompanied Psalm singing. Now that is awkward to fake if you don't know them. Got the shock of my life when dh started belting them out correctly, it was a knowledge I didn't know he had. Grin

OP, I think that whilst your intentions are good, people probably wouldn't really like receiving such an email, it feels a bit like you expect them to be prepared. And I'm a churchgoer so not at all anti hymns.

minipie · 18/09/2014 19:44

Sicaq which branch of the church? The Church of England service includes at least 2 hymns - I think it's compulsory in fact (might be wrong)

redexpat · 18/09/2014 19:45

I had to beg to be told which hymns would be sung at various church weddings in another country. I hate sitting there feeling like a dick because I cant join in. I also hate having to sing as a group when no one really wants to or knows the music well enough. I got a cd from the library and made a playlist. Have done the same for funerals. So I think you are a wonderfully thoughtful bride. please can I come

Figster · 18/09/2014 19:47

I get your logic but it would scream bridezilla to me

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 18/09/2014 19:49

It would make me roll my eyes and delete the email. Nooooooooo thanks!

rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 19:50

Yikes. I'm a dire singer. I would delete this email. Sorry, I don't sing.

Oriunda · 18/09/2014 19:53

I'd think it a bit wierd. We had a choir at our wedding, partly because the church we married in had a fabulous choir, but also because half/two thirds of the congregation weren't English so wouldn't have been able to join in. We did have 'All Things Bright and Beautiful' which is very well known. Could you not choose similar popular hymns?

BikeRunSki · 18/09/2014 19:55

Bridezilla!!!!
Prep up your close friends and family if you must, and/or hire a choir.

It's fairly likely that some of the adult aetheists went to a CoE primary school and can belt out a tune of sorts when faced with a hymn book.

BlackeyedSusan · 18/09/2014 19:57

the organist played the tunes of the two unfamiliar hymns during the signing of the register to get people familiar with the tunes.

APipkinOfPepper · 18/09/2014 19:57

We had one hymn that I loved, but is not at all well known, at our wedding. But we did have a choir, so it didn't matter that barely anyone sang along to that hymn (our others were reasonably well known ones). I would have been embarrassed to send links out before our wedding - would have felt like we were asking our guests to prepare!

Billynomates71 · 18/09/2014 20:05

I'd be a bit surprised tbh. and possibly feel even more awkward. We went to a wedding recently where the couple had chosen obscure songs but which meant a lot to them, but had a sound system, gently playing the songs, being sung by a congregation. I didn't realise until afterwards when the church emptied out and I saw the speakers and asked someone. It did sound as though a healthy number of the congregation were singing heartily and confidently and let the rest of us could just mumble along happily and unnoticed.

whattheseithakasmean · 18/09/2014 20:08

We got married near Xmas, so could have carols as hymns - perfect, as everyone knows them.

GreatAuntDinah · 18/09/2014 20:12

I went to a wedding where they had Abide with me Shock Don't do that.

Castlemilk · 18/09/2014 20:13

No, don't do this.

It will come across as a bit weird and more importantly won't make ANY difference to the sound on the day, because no-one will familiarise themselves with the tunes, and if they do, they still won't sing them as you're used to a congregation doing - enthusiastically.

Get a choir, or make sure you have lots of your church people there. That's the only thing that will give you the sound you want.

Hellokittycat · 18/09/2014 20:13

I would think this really quite bizarre!

Lovecat · 18/09/2014 20:16

Half the guests at our wedding were Catholic, half not. My 2 favourite hymns would only be known if you were into folk choirs of the late 1970's (ie only the people I went to school with), so to compromise we also had Jerusalem for the masses to belt out. It helped that my cousin and my mum's best mate were both lead vocalists in their church choir and knew both the obscure-r hymns, so they 'led' the singing.

Whatever you decide, OP, do make sure that your organist can keep time and play the hymns in a key that most can manage - I went to a wedding a few weeks ago where The Lord of the Dance was played too fast in a key that had dogs for miles around howling in pain...

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/09/2014 20:18

I think it would be considerate to chose well known hymns but you can't assume that everyone will know them. DH and I both went to church regularly as children but were different denominations and consequently know different hymns. I also find that it's not uncommon to have familiar words but to a different tune.

I wouldn't be offended to have a link, I might listen to establish whether I knew the hymns or not - in the same way as I would go through the hymn sheet when arriving at a service. Could you potentially get the organist/pianist to do a long intro?

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 18/09/2014 20:18

I think it's absolutely fine - these are your friends and family who, presumably like you and vice versa. .. why on earth would they mind!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/09/2014 20:19

Lovecat is right about the key. When choosing funeral hymns a few years ago singability was really important to me.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 18/09/2014 20:21

I wouldn't be offended but I would read it, nod/shrug/whatever and forget about it until I got to the church and realised I hadn't done my homework.

If its any consolation I don't do awkward mumbling. I either mouth the words or have a bash at it badly

FairPhyllis · 18/09/2014 20:21

No, don't do this. It's a bit like setting your guests homework for the wedding. People will mark you down as a bridezilla. If they are interested they will ask.

If it is very important to you to have lots of rousing singing, have a choir or choose hymns everyone will know.

Tvseemstobemyhobby · 18/09/2014 20:24

It has never ever occurred to me about atheists not singing along at funerals or weddings.
Every day is a school day on Mumsnet

bluejeansandbabies · 18/09/2014 20:26

I'd appreciate that. I only know Jerusalem for weddings and Abide with me for funerals.

quietbatperson · 18/09/2014 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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