To change jobs at the detriment of my son?

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm posting here because I feel torn and would love some advice.

I applied for a job last week and it all happened really quickly. I got caught up in the excitement, filled out the application without really thinking it through properly and now I have an interview next week. Due to the nature of the job and the circumstances the likelihood of me getting the job is relatively high.

There are pros and cons to changing jobs - the most attractive pro being I will earn more. Not a huge amount but maybe £300 a month extra after tax. The work is far more interesting than my current job too.

The downside is that the new job will involve shift work whereas my current job is 9-5.

I'm currently on maternity leave (DS is 5.5 months) and I planned to return to work at the start of February and I have a wonderful childminder lined up.

The new job will mean I have to return to work earlier, find another childminder and the hours would mean that for 3 days a week I wouldn't see DS at all I'm really, really struggling with that. I would miss him so much and I would worry that at 9 months of age he's going to wonder why 'mommy has disappeared' when he has days of not seeing me at all. It sound stupid but it's how I feel.

My DH is telling me not to worry so much and go for it but I just feel uneasy about it all.

Part of me wants to stay in my current job, send DD to the lovely childminder and get to see him every day, but the other part of me feels excited at the prospect of this new job.

Maybe I should just stay in my current job until DS is older so I can be a more constant figure in his life. I don't know. He just seems too young for me to be acting like this when really, his needs should come before my own wants.

Had anyone else had to make choices like this??

But will there also be strings of days that you see him all the time?

I wouldn't do a job where I couldn't see my baby for three days. No way. I don't care how good the job is.

For clarification the 3 days aren't consecutive - they will be spread out over 7 days.

That still seems bad to me though

Go to the interview, see what happens, if they want you, see what you can negotiate hours-wise.

Would the new job be permanent? Or could it be a temporary stepping stone to a similarly interesting job that is office hours?

I couldn't have done it.

Can you leave it a few years?

£300 a month is a lot, I'd be bloody thrilled with an extra £300!

I don't have kids so I can't really answer. I'd say go for it but I feel guilty leaving my dog alone while I go to the shops! I'm sure the money would help and your child would get used to the new routine. It also won't be the rest of your life, I'm sure you'll be in a different job in a few years.

It would be permanent. I'm a nurse hence the shift work. I have spoke to my DH about going part time but we cannot afford it. My current job is office based (9-5) but I'm bored by it. I requested to return on reduced hours but they said no which is what triggered me applying for this new job.

Will you be better off after paying additional childcare?

If I took the new job my DS would only be in childcare for 2 days a week as opposed to the 4 days he'd need to use childcare with my current job. This is also one of the positives of the new job but I just don't know if it's enough to justify not seeing my son for 3 days of the week

With increased income and lesser childcare costs we'd be much better off if I got the other job. But is money more important than time with my son? That's why I feel guilty.

So would you be with your son two full days but not see him at all on the other 3 days?

Only you can answer that OP! It is a tough one but plenty of nurses are mothers and work this out maybe it is worth trying to talk to them?

I think I would go for the interview and see what happens.

Unless I am mistaken you asked for reduced hours so that you could spend more time with your baby?
This wasn't granted so you applied for a job that means you won't see your baby for 3 days? Can you not find a less satisfying job pt if you want to spend more time with your baby.
I think there is only you who can answer your question.
I know I couldn't leave mine for even a day in childcare, but everybody is different and we can't all be the same.

I would be with my son for 4 whole day.

Of the remaining 3 days of the week he would be with DH for one of them and childcare for the other two.

No job is worth a Mum being away from her child for three days every week. Jobs come and go, but you'll never get the time back when your baby it little and needs you.

Well a ton of nurses do it. Its not easy, but if you have a good childminder and a good partner its definately doable.

The only thing is that if the 3 days are different every week - then it gets a bit stressful. It also gets stressful when they run into each other i.e. You do a Sunday and then you start the next week having to do a Monday, or worse a Mon & Tues.

Its much easier if you can self-roster and then you can get some routine. Any chance of that happening?

On the flip side it also means that you get several full days off and you can get a lot done.

I applied for reduced hours with my current employers because I didn't want DS in childcare 4 days a week.

With the new job he will only need childcare for 2 days a week.

I am allowed to request 1 set shift so have asked it be a weekend day so DS can be with DH.

I will also request that I don't work two days in a row.

I see now Writer

It is a hard decision but I can't see how it would be of detriment to your son? He will have a parent for most of the time, and you need to be happy too.

Yes folks, this is me saying this not my usual anti cc stuff
I wish you well with your decision, but please think hard and decide for yourself, not just because the majority on here say x

Would you be working nights?

So in your current job you will be away from your son for 4 days per week 9-5 (once you go back after mat leave), but in your potential new job you'd be away from him for 3 days but more hours each day?

It sounds as though you'd be away from him for a similar amount of time unless I've misunderstood (which I may well have done!)

I have a dilemma with applying for new job with more hours, but then not being able to pick DCs up from school. Its so difficult isn't it - money is important and will also benefit your son, as will seeing you happy and fulfilled at work. But then you might have a bit less time with him, its tough, especially when they're little.

I couldn't do it, I left my job to take another lower paid one with better hours and no need for childcare because I couldn't do it, I couldn't deal with the "mums not coming because shes at work" from them all.