To change jobs at the detriment of my son?

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm posting here because I feel torn and would love some advice.

I applied for a job last week and it all happened really quickly. I got caught up in the excitement, filled out the application without really thinking it through properly and now I have an interview next week. Due to the nature of the job and the circumstances the likelihood of me getting the job is relatively high.

There are pros and cons to changing jobs - the most attractive pro being I will earn more. Not a huge amount but maybe £300 a month extra after tax. The work is far more interesting than my current job too.

The downside is that the new job will involve shift work whereas my current job is 9-5.

I'm currently on maternity leave (DS is 5.5 months) and I planned to return to work at the start of February and I have a wonderful childminder lined up.

The new job will mean I have to return to work earlier, find another childminder and the hours would mean that for 3 days a week I wouldn't see DS at all I'm really, really struggling with that. I would miss him so much and I would worry that at 9 months of age he's going to wonder why 'mommy has disappeared' when he has days of not seeing me at all. It sound stupid but it's how I feel.

My DH is telling me not to worry so much and go for it but I just feel uneasy about it all.

Part of me wants to stay in my current job, send DD to the lovely childminder and get to see him every day, but the other part of me feels excited at the prospect of this new job.

Maybe I should just stay in my current job until DS is older so I can be a more constant figure in his life. I don't know. He just seems too young for me to be acting like this when really, his needs should come before my own wants.

Had anyone else had to make choices like this??

Sounds like a fantastic opportunity. Major positives for you and your ds.

I would go with the new job as you get longer amounts of time with your child and that's more important plus dc gets to be in childcare less and that is significant.

2nd reason being your interest in your work and financial payout.

Can't see the problem with it really I would definitely go with new job

I would say 'go for it'. My husband and I have always shared the childcare and it is great for the children to get quality time with their dads too. The only childcare you are proposing is 9-5 twice a week, and the rest of the time DS is with his mum or dad.Sounds much better than 4 days away from both of you. It is a better solution for him but will be hard for you on your working days.

Figure out how many hours a week you would actually be with you son in your current job and in the new job, when he is awake.

I am guessing you will find it is more with the new job.

I thnk it sounds absolutely fine, however I don't fancy your chances of finding a childminder who can be flexible with days...

I don't understand what you mean by working shifts? i took it to mean you would working nights? what hours will you actually be working on your 'on' days that mean you won't see your child

Stop being a drama llama. You only have a child on loan for about 16 to 18 years. After that you are on your own.
Do your parents continually go on to you that they missed your first ...x y z?

I think it sounds ideal.

Less time in childcare, 4 full days at home with you. Don't see the downsides really.

NannyOgg Respectfully, I also think the child would 'notice' being in childcare five full days a week instead of two, which, in real life, is the alternative in the OP's situation, as she can't afford to be less than full time at work.

I honestly think this is better for child AND better for parents.

I was a midwife when my son was the same age as your son

I took the boring job and basically shat on my career from a great height and was bored to tears. I hated every second I did it - I can not begin to tell you how awful the job was.

Now (he's 10) I have absolutely no regrets and would do the same again.

Sorry OP - I know it's in the face of what everyone else is saying but I have the benefit of having faced the same decision.

I missed the clinical work at the time and emotionally it was tough but now I am so relieved / glad I did it.

I'm usually the one saying, "you won't get these years back..." but the new job sounds preferable for you and your baby to me? Unless I'm missing something, baby will have much more time with a parent if you get the new job? It sounds like you'd have much more time with him.

I worked part time after having my first two DC's and honestly, after a day in childcare I didn't see them, it was home, bath, story, bed and we were all tired so it wasn't quality time. I'd always go for the option thatmaximises days off. And you'd be happier at work, which is going to benefit everyone.

Icy maiden, she is probably working 3 long days, 8am - 8pm or even longer then off the other 4 days - so an 'early' shift and 'late' shift back to back.

You know what I work 9-5 and I would consider your new hours favourably - tbh once they are going to bed and sleeping through and you work full time 9-5 say getting home between 5.30 and 6pm you only have 2 hours or so anyway and the morning is a blur of getting dressed breakfast childcare and work that it doesn't count so you're swapping 6 hours or hurried dinner bath and beds with a bit of play to 2 full days that are all yours - if the days when I didn't see ds were not all in one go and I could guarantee my hours worked with a regular childcare arrangement plus I halved my childcare bill I would do it!

Take the job. It is what you want to do and you will still have loads of time with your DS. I was doing 5 x 10 plus hour days in an investment bank when my DCs were tiny and I didn't even consider not doing it.

Ps you would have 24 awake hours with ds compared to 6 hours of post work pre bed hours if you had a 7-7 sleeper!

Plenty of health care workers do long days and manage fine. Your baby is still small at the min, when mine was that age i didn't want to leave him but by the time i went back at 11 months i was in a good place. I do 2 days till 17.00 and 17.30 and one long day (and nights every 12 weeks) and tbh, i sometimes feel like the time i have with ds on the short days is rushed and i get him tired and grumpy after the child minders (for 2 hours till bed!) however the long days are tiring but when u r off ur off (if a bit wrecked). Maybe down the line they'll be opportunities to reduce hours or maybe u could use an a/l day every few weeks to reduce the time at work. There's always guilt but i do think leaving a kid to go to a job u enjoy might be easier than leaving him for a job u are bored in. Good luck with your decision.

The new job sounds better for all of you, I found the before and after work hours 4 days a week to be really low quality time, dd was exhausted and often slept 13 hrs so had to go to bed earlier as so tired from nursery right up until about 2.5. For me the less time in out of the house childcare, the better for ds as far as I can see. Better job for you, more money for the family and DH gets to take on more parental responsibility. Good luck won the interview!

I wouldn't do it if you wouldn't see ds at all for 3 days - I think that would be so hard on you both. I went back full time when dd and felt it was all ok as long as I saw her in mornings and evenings. I don't think it's about the total time with him over a week - for me, anyway.

This really is an easy one. You get better job, more pay, your child gets more time with a parent. Go for it! Good luck with the interview

i actually think it could work pretty well. tough on the days you won't see him but you'll be spending 4 full days with him. that's pretty good. that's as close as you could get to a pt job really. and the money is going to help a lot. why don't you give it a try? if it doesn't work out, ok. look again at that point.

you could also keep looking. maybe something else will come along that you feel more comfortable about.

So the choice is between full time over five days a week, and full time over three days a week. I would choose the three days a week, because then you have four wholes days a week with your ds as opposed to just two.

I do something similar (I'm an ODP) some days I leave the house at 7am and don't get back until 2130 after my 3 kids are in bed.

It is slightly complicated by the fact DH is in the Navy and not always around to help, but on the whole when he's here I really feel they have 2 parents who really share the day to day responsibilities. My boys are juniors age (toddler dd is 2) and I think (hope) we're modelling a set up where everyone is fully engaged, I know that's a bit wanky but I like that they see their dad do everything that's often considered to be 'woman's work'.

I like my job, we like the extra money it brings to the pot and I love getting out of the house and being me rather than X's mum or Y's wife.

I would seriously consider taking the job but as if the start date can be pushed back, they may have some flex to take into consideration notice periods etc, for instance in my trust band 5 have to give 8 weeks notice.

I returned to work when ds was 8 weeks old and full time. I could go days without seeing the kids, I went 6 days once and it was hell, but I had to do it, we can't live off fresh air.

In the end I requested set days and the compromise was I worked fri till Monday so I would go 4 days without them then 3 full days at home. It was minimum wage and a crap company but I needed to do it, I'm currently re training and when qualified I'll be working similar shifts to you just thankfully no longer for minimum wage.

I say go for it, if you hate it you can find something else

Go for it.

There are plenty of children out there who see a lot less of their parents than your DS will and on the days you aren't there he will have his Dad for one of them and a childminder for part of the day and his Dad for the rest of the day.

Plenty of children who have nannies don't see their parents all week - they still form great bonds with their parents and don't doubt who they are. People who work away still have great bonds with their children.

Find a childminder who adores your DS, encourage the bond, don't feel envious of it & all will be fine :)

If you have to work and have the opportunity to do an interesting job, fewer days but longer hours, you'd be MAD to turn it down!!

It sounds better to me. There's not much quality time before and after work on a 9-5. I'd much prefer whole days off esp if he would be with his dad more