To change jobs at the detriment of my son?

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm posting here because I feel torn and would love some advice.

I applied for a job last week and it all happened really quickly. I got caught up in the excitement, filled out the application without really thinking it through properly and now I have an interview next week. Due to the nature of the job and the circumstances the likelihood of me getting the job is relatively high.

There are pros and cons to changing jobs - the most attractive pro being I will earn more. Not a huge amount but maybe £300 a month extra after tax. The work is far more interesting than my current job too.

The downside is that the new job will involve shift work whereas my current job is 9-5.

I'm currently on maternity leave (DS is 5.5 months) and I planned to return to work at the start of February and I have a wonderful childminder lined up.

The new job will mean I have to return to work earlier, find another childminder and the hours would mean that for 3 days a week I wouldn't see DS at all I'm really, really struggling with that. I would miss him so much and I would worry that at 9 months of age he's going to wonder why 'mommy has disappeared' when he has days of not seeing me at all. It sound stupid but it's how I feel.

My DH is telling me not to worry so much and go for it but I just feel uneasy about it all.

Part of me wants to stay in my current job, send DD to the lovely childminder and get to see him every day, but the other part of me feels excited at the prospect of this new job.

Maybe I should just stay in my current job until DS is older so I can be a more constant figure in his life. I don't know. He just seems too young for me to be acting like this when really, his needs should come before my own wants.

Had anyone else had to make choices like this??

But you said that you can't afford to not work, and your current role won't do reduced hours, so surely you and DS are better off with this new role than you both would be with the old one? 3 days on, 4 off is a better deal than 5 on 2 off - the length of shifts I'd a red herring IMHO.

IT sounds to me like you will get to spend more time with DC. DH will get extra time with DC and seems like win win.

Appologies if I missed it as have skim read 7 pages.

Why would you need to change childminders? I am a childminder who has a shift worker. I charge parents a minimum a week to block the week off for them.

I would have to change childminders because the one lined up for returning to my current job is on the way to my current place of work whereas the new job is in the completely opposite direction.

My day would be:

06.45am - leave house in order to get to work for 07.15am and the shift starts at 07.30am. The working day ends at 20.30pm but due to delays in handover, getting changed, walking to my car it's about 20.45pm until I actually leave the hospital and then home for 21.15pm.

situation made even better by your dh's job!!! all those holidays when you can spend the time as a family! and (although sh prices) will be much cheaper for a 2/3 night break than having to rely on huuugely expensive bank holidays weekenda etc

I think its a great opportunity all things considered tbh!

If DH is going to be doing CM runs then presumably the choice factor becomes looking for one who is close to/ on the way to his school?

We have got a childminder lined up who lives near our house - we are meeting her next week to talk logistics

So, you'd have your ds 4 days a week.
Your dh would have him 1 day (all day) and do morning/evening care on the others.
He will be being looked after by a parent for at least part of every day.

That doesn't seem very detrimental to me, at least not to him. Can you bear it? I worked full time when ds1 was 6mo-15 mo and loathed myself for it. Became a SAHP for the next 5 years instead. If that's not an option for you then what you are being offered sounds pretty good, actually.

I have told my senior in my current that I have an interview for another job and she was very supportive. The more I think about it the more sense it makes to trial the other job because like has been said, if it doesn't work out I can perhaps negotiate things to make the shifts work better for me.

There were some tough days on the ward and I do wonder if I'm mad to go back to it but I think things will be more bearable this time round because I know I will be going home to a beautiful little boy and it's for his benefit that I'm doing it.

I could possibly give him a dream breast feed when I got home just do I have that connection for a small part of the day.

When you get into the swing of things I'm sure it will be fine. Give it a go

I worked part time which, although office hours, meant I sometimes had to stay late and the kids would be asleep by the time I got in. But having the full days off is so much better as you get to do mummy things too like baby and toddler groups, which you won't if you only have the weekends off.

It sounds like the better option to me.

More full days to do what you want with your baby
Baby with one parent at all (or most) times
More money-also beneficial to the baby and your family
You happier at work=you happier generally.
More prospects=more freedom in later years when your DS will be more affected by the situations

You might find you really prefer it. I'd go for the interview for definite.

You could also give him a feed at 6.30 before leaving the house, if he is awake.

As someone who gave up work when expecting DC1 and haven't gone back to work I say take the job.

What a wonderful opportunity. More money, more job satisfaction, chance to be more than just mum, good for DH to have more time with the baby than he might otherwise and lovely for your son to have extra bonding time with his daddy. It is never a bad idea when the less main parent (as in less time with the child on a day today basis) gets to have sole charge of the baby .

Your baby will be fine. You can not spend 24/7 with him realistically and as long as he is save and loved when not with you there is no issue.

Some parents work away Mon-Friday every week. Reality bites and this is not a baby reality to be in.

safe ffs, not save

The more I think about it, the better I think it is as an idea.
So much stuff is arranged for small kids during the week like swimming lessons and playgroups etc that simply doesn't exist on weekends. You'll still have a lovely toe in the water of being a SAHM, but with all the benefits [and stresses admittedly] of working outside the home too

A lot will depend on your DH though. He should definitely have a think about what they are going to do on their solo day that's "their" activity

I have discussed it a lot with DH to make site he is happy to take on the role of 'responsible' parent and he says he is. His solo days will be good practice for when the half terms and summer holiday hit as he'll be thrown in the deep end then I think it will do him good to see how difficult it can be sometimes to have to care for and entertain DS all day. The longest DH has ever been alone with DS is 5 hours and even in that time it hadn't occurred to DH to change DS's nappy I think it will be a shock to his system but I really think it will even out our parenting roles to make it much more 50/50 and that can only be of benefit to our marriage and his relationship with DS

Personally I would go for it. I have to work full time Monday to Friday and hate it. By the time we get home from nursery it seems to be bed time before we know it. I miss him Monday to Friday.

If I had the chance to work 3 days and not see DS but have 4 days off and DS be in childcare 2 days a week, I would in a heartbeat.

I have nothing against childcare as such but if I stated in my current job I would actually feel upset that he would need childcare 4 days a week. I would feel sad that he spent far more time with his childminder than he did with me and DH.

Prior to having DS I would never have made a comment like that about childcare as I know people need it, but now that DS is here I just want him to be with me and DH as much as possible.

Sorry if that seemed critical of childcare, it really wasn't meant to, I just meant it was one of the factors that was swaying me towards the new job.

Does it get easier though when the children start childcare 4/5 days a week? How do you stop yourself missing them to the point where it just becomes the norm?

It doesn't become easier in my experience and it's been almost 2 years. I miss him every day and feel like a bitch for leaving him there everyday even though he loves it there.

If I could change the situation I would, but I can't at the moment.

The childminder I have lined up for my current job is so lovely, my sister has been using her for 7 years and my niece and nephew love it there. The only thing making the thought of leaving DS there was because of my sister's recommendation (I have also met her plenty of times over the years when I pick up my sister's children) and the fact that DS will be with his cousins everyday before they go to school and then after school. It made me feel like in some way I was still leaving DS with family.

If I do change my job and use a different childminder I will feel awful about leaving him with someone neither I or DS knows.

It's so difficult

Is the current childminder awkward for DH to drop off/pick up at? It's no longer relevant where you work surely as he will be doing both the drop off and the pick up?
Does he have the luxury of time to go a little bit out of his way for a childminder that comes highly recommended?
Also, if your sisters kids are there, it may give a tiny bit of flexibility to both families as DS gets older if one adult can collect all the children in one location in an emergency/to babysit on a week night etc.

Going to the current childminder would put an hour extra onto DH's journey every morning. My new job is in the same direction as his job and the current childminder is in the complete opposite direction.

I wish I could just pick her and her house up and drop it next door to mine