Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what would you do in this situation?

179 replies

WaywardOn3 · 10/09/2014 11:45

My Dsis and her family are going to be homeless for a few weeks - month while their new house is being sorted. So said they could stay with us, problem solved. Until they announced that her dsc would be staying as well for two of those weeks since their mums going on holiday.

That's where the problem lies I've never met them (dss 11 and dsd 8) but I've heard enough about her dss to not want him anywhere near my house.

He's been to our parents house when Dsis and her dc (dds 2 and 4) went to pick out a kitten, their first family pet. All four dc picked the kitten, dss snuck back into the room later and stamped the kitten to death 'accidentally' while playing with her. His sister lost her pet rabbit shortly after BIL split from their mum in a similar 'stomping accident'. He's shown no real signs of being overly aggressive with his siblings according to Dsis but she's understandably said no to the family having a pet in the near future.

We have a lot of pets and I really don't want to run the risk of him having another 'accident'. Dsis won't be able to watch him after school as they both work late so it'll be up to me. That's fine with her dc but not with the sdc.

I can't turn them away but can I tell her the sdc aren't welcome even though I know there's no family on BILs side who can have them (all live abroad) and their mum is insisting they stay with their dad.

They don't have the spare cash to stay in a travel lodge either since it's all being ploughed into their house

:-/

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByAKoalaBear · 10/09/2014 11:47

I know he is a child but no way on this earth would I entertain anyone who had accidentally stomped a kitten to death.

externalwallinsulation · 10/09/2014 11:48

Oh my God, what a totally vile child.

I don't know what you can do except to be completely honest and say that the invitation doesn't extend to the stepchildren and give the reason. Behaviour like that is so far outside of the boundaries of anything acceptable, I think your DSis would have to accept it.

AlpacaMyBags · 10/09/2014 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunna · 10/09/2014 11:50

You'll have to say no and be honest about why.

OwlinaTree · 10/09/2014 11:51

I understand your concern, you've been very kind to agree to put them up and you are worried for your pets.

Doesn't really seem likely that they can go else where though. They need to be looked after by their dad while mum is away.

Could you discuss the possibility of your sister and husband paying for the animals to go to kennels or equivalent while the step children are there?

pudcat · 10/09/2014 11:51

No way would I let him stay. His Mum will have to let him stay with her. 1 dead pet maybe an accident but 2 certainly. It sounds as if the child needs some help though.

WooWooOwl · 10/09/2014 11:52

In your sister and BILs position, I'd understand if my family couldn't stay with you for a month, it's a lot to expect of anyone. But I'd be very upset and offended to be told that some of my children were welcome and others weren't.

Could you tell your sister that she can stay for two weeks only, and make those the weeks that she will only have her biological children with her?

WeirdCatLady · 10/09/2014 11:52

I'd be honest with her. no way I'd be letting that boy anywhere near my house, family or pets.

externalwallinsulation · 10/09/2014 11:52

I think that given the age of the child (nearly 12) you should also suggest that this is not normal behaviour at all, and that professional help should be sought as a matter of urgency.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 10/09/2014 11:52

You can turn them away, it was a lovely offer you made but this changes things massively

You sister and her H are being incredibly rude to insist you take on two extra houseguests and they are complelety out of order to a) have not even bloody asked and b) expect you to put your pets at risk

Retract the offer, they are the ones in the wrong not you

WiggleGinger · 10/09/2014 11:52

Geez!!!

He wouldn't be welcome for a
visit let alone to stay for two weeks!
You have to be totally honest and give the reason why, this way you sister know exactly what's going on.

SunRa · 10/09/2014 11:52

Could you say it would be too much of a squeeze? Did their mother know they wouldn't have anywhere to stay when she insisted that her kids stayed with their father?

I don't think there is an easy way around this other than to say, as externalwallinsulation said, the invite doesn't extend to them. Its then up to your Dsis and partner to work out excuses for themselves.

pudcat · 10/09/2014 11:53

1 dead pet maybe an accident but 2 certainly not.

littlejohnnydory · 10/09/2014 11:54

"I'm sorry but I can't risk it with the animals". This is one time where you can only be honest and anyone in their right mind will understand.

There's very little that would make me turn them away but I would in this situation.

WooWooOwl · 10/09/2014 11:54

Why are they having extensive work done on the house without sorting somewhere for the whole family to stay in the first place? It seems odd to me, especially to arrange for it to be done when you will be having your children at home more than usual.

cherrybombxo · 10/09/2014 11:56

That's horrendous, that child sounds like a psycho! Who in their right mind could stamp on a kitten?!

I don't think YBU but you need to be totally honest about why they can't stay. You're being very generous letting them stay for a month so they should respect your boundaries.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 10/09/2014 11:56

She's expecting you to supervise him while she is out? Where is his dad? I would let them stay but under no circumstances is he to be left without parental supervision in your house.

browneyedgirl86 · 10/09/2014 11:57

Stamped a kitten to death? Yanbu. I wouldn't let them stay and explain why. How vile.

gamerchick · 10/09/2014 11:58

I agree I think you can be honest here.

Rather that than deal with dead animals and the inevitable fall out afterwards.

Aherdofmims · 10/09/2014 11:58

If he was 11 when he stomped kitten or rabbit to death he is lucky to have no criminal record!

I would not let them stay.

coffeeinbed · 10/09/2014 12:00

Accidentally stomped to death two pets?

No. Not coming in my house, thank you very much.
I'd be on the phone to SS tbh. Something's not right.

emsyj · 10/09/2014 12:03

Who would normally look after them after school then? If their house was in fine condition and they were living there, who would be taking care of the DSCs whilst they work late? They cannot expect you to do it - that is taking the piss IMO. They must sort this out.

The previous poster who suggested them paying for kennels is quite sensible, if you are willing for your pets to go to kennels (I know many pet owners don't like the idea). If you don't want to do this then you are within your rights to say no. You have a responsibility to take care of your animals and not put them at risk.

Original poster
WaywardOn3 · 10/09/2014 12:03

Can't really retract my invite for her family as non of our other family have the space (will ring her later to discuss what to do with her dsc).

Couldn't kennel the animals either unfortunately - horse, sheep, cats, dogs, bearded dragons, a snake, a parrot, tropical fish and we breed guineapigs. Bit of a pet mad household :-D

Their mum knew her dc would be staying with some of their step mums family since they've been talking about the new house non stop (will have their own rooms etc).

Their mum thinks he's just a normal boy with the issues that many dc have when their parents break up and with time he'll grow out of it?

OP posts:
emsyj · 10/09/2014 12:05

And I agree that the little boy who has stamped two animals to death needs urgent psychological help. He is clearly very disturbed, which is extremely sad and must be addressed. To be honest, if I was his stepmother I would be more concerned about sorting his mental health issues out than getting home renovations done, but each to their own.

PurplePidjin · 10/09/2014 12:07

You say "her children" and "her step children" so it sounds like there'd be a lot of people descending on you. Then you'd have to look after all those extra (I'm assuming a minimum of 4 extra) on top of your own children after school until "late".

To me that's taking the total piss. You're opening up your home to at least 4 extra people, then they want you to have 2 more, and all the while you're acting as the unpaid babysitter for, what 3 hours a day?

Bugger that.

The animal thing is just Shock but would be hard to explain to her courteously.