To ask what would you do in this situation?

[WaywardOn3]

My Dsis and her family are going to be homeless for a few weeks - month while their new house is being sorted. So said they could stay with us, problem solved. Until they announced that her dsc would be staying as well for two of those weeks since their mums going on holiday.

That's where the problem lies I've never met them (dss 11 and dsd 8) but I've heard enough about her dss to not want him anywhere near my house.

He's been to our parents house when Dsis and her dc (dds 2 and 4) went to pick out a kitten, their first family pet. All four dc picked the kitten, dss snuck back into the room later and stamped the kitten to death 'accidentally' while playing with her. His sister lost her pet rabbit shortly after BIL split from their mum in a similar 'stomping accident'. He's shown no real signs of being overly aggressive with his siblings according to Dsis but she's understandably said no to the family having a pet in the near future.

We have a lot of pets and I really don't want to run the risk of him having another 'accident'. Dsis won't be able to watch him after school as they both work late so it'll be up to me. That's fine with her dc but not with the sdc.

I can't turn them away but can I tell her the sdc aren't welcome even though I know there's no family on BILs side who can have them (all live abroad) and their mum is insisting they stay with their dad.

They don't have the spare cash to stay in a travel lodge either since it's all being ploughed into their house

:-/

Sociopaths (or people with Anti Social Personality Disorder as it's now called) are not the same as serial killers. Most tend to be non-violent, in fact, though incidents of hurting animals are not uncommon in childhood.

The main thing with sociopaths is a complete lack of conscience. They don't feel guilt. And in the main they aren't treatable either, it's just how they're wired.

Doesn't necessarily make this boy one, though I'm sure all will become clear in the passage of time.

OP if you can't avoid this can I suggest a few things.

My son has ASD and challenging behaviour - he is has very very low emotional literacy and poor empathy. He is great with animals though they used to scare him but getting him to understand the impact of his actions on others is an ongoing battle.

Firstly I would have ground rules for ALL the children relating to the animals - it's going to be crowded and they all need the space. Depends on layout / circumstance but things like:
No handling caged animals without adult present
Children and animals not be alone together.

Then I would give every child a job with the animals to do - feeding / cleaning and a treat at the end of the week if done

With the boy I would face it head on - I would be making a point of showing him the boundaries with animals straight away and teaching him how to be with them. Be VERY clear and descriptive in your language.

'We MUST be gentle with the animals' and show him how.

Be the animals voice 'Oh look she likes that. She is purring / not moving / calm when you are stroking her gently. You are very good at calming her.
Lots of praise and building of his positive responses to animals

At the first sign of heavy handed ness physically remove the animal and model positive behaviour next to him explaining 'I need to hold her. She doesn't like it when you do that (say what) - she was struggling / crying / pulling away. She likes it when you stroke her - stroke her again....'

I know it's not your responsibility but if you can't avoid this situation then other than moving all the animals out it doesn't sound like you can do it any other way.

I feel for this boy - it sounds like he needs support. The ASD stuff is a red herring really in some sense as having ASD / Aspergers is nothing to do with animal cruelty but I can see how it might happen if he's never been taught how to be around animals.

As a side your sis is taking the mick but I would probably do the same

I know you don't want him to stay but could you agree if he is constantly supervised - if your sister or her husband can't be there after school then he will need to attend a childminder/have a temp nanny to care and watch him until they can be home.

Well if the father has his kids regularly, it was obvious that they would be there at some point.

I would now be tempted to say no to all of them-two extra adults plus2/4 kids is a lot.

Is their house really not liveable in?

Short term let?