AIBU in not wanting my guest to use my personal shower?

[TillHammerZeit]

I suspect that I may be,but we'll see.

I'm going to have a guest staying overnight,on her way to another destination.

She informed me that as she doesn't like showers in baths,that she'd like to use my en suite shower. I'm not really happy about this. Perhaps unreasonably so,but it's my space,and I'd prefer her to use the main bathroom to shower. It has a 'real' shower fitted in there. Yes,she has to step over the bath to use it,but that's easy,and she has no mobility problems,or issues that mean it'd be difficult for her. I would of course allow it if that was an issue.

So WIBU to say no?

[AWombWithoutARoof]

I wonder if the OP is trussed up in a wardrobe somewhere whilst the house guest is endlessly showering.

[pluCaChange]

... or whilst the house guest photographs everything, then painstakingly imitates infantile drawing all over the documents, so she can blame the baby... before going to lie on the floor in the master bathroom, groaning, having sprained both ankles getting out of the inappropriate shower and thus being "unable to stop the baby snooping... er... colouring."

Yes. That must be it.

[WhatWitchcraftIsThis]

YANBU and rude of her to ask because your other shower isn't good enough

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

So what happened? With (ahem) Watergate?

[TheMaddHugger]

is there an update OP ?

[sherazade]

Op sounds totally normal. I suspect the 'op is odd' brigade don't have ensuites. It is part of one's personal space and how very accommodating to be hosting your friend in the first place. Yanbu.

[Tandia]

Still no update?

[ghostland]

YANBU. I think if you have been kind enough to offer someone a room overnight, then the last thing they should be doing is telling you how they want to use your home, especially if there is a perfectly acceptable shower in another room. I would just say "no" or tell her that your shower is broken but I don't think you should have to lie and I think she is being very rude by insisting when she is your guest.

[Branleuse]

just say no,but that shes still welcome to stay and use facilities originally offered if she cant find ahotel that meets her needs better,because your bedroom and en suite is your own private space

[Branleuse]

or just say actually somethimg has come up and she cant stay now

[TillHammerZeit]

Apologies for the delay in update. I haven't had Internet access at home. It's not the most interesting of topics,so I'm surprised at the interest,but grateful for the advice.

She arrived on Monday. She also left on Monday as I found that she'd been in my bedroom. I was walking the dog,which was why I was out of the house,returned to find my bedroom door open,and the wardrobe ajar.

Money has gone missing. £30. I've been trying not to jump to conclusions,as I'm terribly scatter brained,but I'm sure it was there.

I felt guilty about putting her out with the baby,but I couldn't really have her in my house after that. She has friends around this area,and there's a hotel.

The whole thing has caused a bit of a feud with her mother/my Aunt,but I'm not sure i care. I don't have the energy for arguing,so I'm ignoring it all.

[angelohsodelight]

Why on earth was she in your wardrobe? Good job for kicking her out.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Well done for standing up for yourself, and protecting your privacy. I hope you have told your Aunt that, if she had not brought her dd up to think that it is OK to snoop through people's wardrobes, she would not have been ejected from your house - and so what happened is her dd's fault and partly her fault, but in no way your fault!!

- for you!

[clam]

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Blood hell Till, your cousin is a piece of work! And as for your Aunt, just keep in mind that she raised her daughter to be a freeloading thieving little snoop and all round pain in the arse. So her opinion counts for nowt!

[TheNewSchmoo]

Just say no. I would say no to someone who asked. I wouldn't spend ages making up stupid excuses. "The en-suite is just for my/family use" or "sorry, but my bedroom is my own personal space".

Maybe it's just me but my bedroom is my haven and so I expect that orbs feel the same way and always feel a bit like I may hurry and get out of other people's bedrooms.

Probably comes from us not being allowed in my parents bedroom without permission when I was a kid. Doesn't make me weird, or unreasonable.

[Candycrushblahblah]

I am with you on this OP .We have a guest who does not "do" the shower over bath and knocks on our door at 6:45 (even Sunday morning) and the just walks in and uses it. It is bloody inconsiderate as I know he is an early riser and I am relishing an extra 10 mins in bed when he stays ( he does not help so extra work for me). On weekdays it is even more irritating as we ALL may have work or meetings to get to so we have a bloody tag act going. I like the guy apart from these issues and have asked DH to TELL him next time shower over bath or stink. This is NOT weird of me as even DH says it is a royal pain in arse that guest cannot use his bathroom. So YANBU your house , your rules

[TheNewSchmoo]

Oops, didn't look at the dates. ...

[enriquetheringbearinglizard]

It's always the people who invite themselves who seem to refuse to respect any boundaries and reasonable boundaries at that.

Feud or no feud they can think what they like and at least you won't have to put up with the snooper again OP.

Candy I think you need to be blunt and say that the bathroom is for visitor use, your bedroom and ensuite is strictly out of bounds. No excuses and no discussion, if it doesn't suit then he must book into a hotel. When you pay the piper then you call the tune, when you stay in someone's home you abide by their house rules.

[2rebecca]

We just have the bathroom so this isn't an issue but I would be telling any guests wanting to use an ensuite shower before I am up that they are very rude and the guest shower is in the main bathroom and if they're fussy there are plenty of B&Bs and hotels locally.
This cousin sounds rude and I'm not sure why you invited her to stay anyway.

[pluCaChange]

You poor thing! What a terrible shock for you. It really is horrible when hope is dashed like that, but on the plus side, you got your "closure" quickly, and didn't have to suffer the stress of her visit for longer than a day...



The absolute blatantness of the wardrobe's being open should wipe away all of your guilt. That is just cheek, and a monstrously over-inflated sense of entitlement. She is damned well not entitled to nose through your things, and anyone who suggests that she is (given clear evidence) is clearly someone you need to put in his/her place as well.

[OnlyLovers]

God, OP, she's a piece of work isn't she?

I don't think I'd care about a 'feud'. You don't need snoopers and potential thieves in your life, family or not.

[TheMaddHugger]

Wowza Altho I shouldn't be shocked.

How/what did she say when you kicked her out. Details Please. Blow by blow

(yes Im nosy)

(((((((((((((((((Hugs OP))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Inertia]

My goodness, she went rummaging in your wardrobe!?

I can understand that the fallout from a feud is awkward, but what the hell else can you do when your own relatives are going through your private space to steal from you?

[LiberalLibertines]

Bloody hell op, wasn't expecting that!

Still, it's done now, you're well rid. Bollocks to the 'feud' well done :)