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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in not wanting my guest to use my personal shower?

206 replies

TillHammerZeit · 27/08/2014 11:14

I suspect that I may be,but we'll see.

I'm going to have a guest staying overnight,on her way to another destination.

She informed me that as she doesn't like showers in baths,that she'd like to use my en suite shower. I'm not really happy about this. Perhaps unreasonably so,but it's my space,and I'd prefer her to use the main bathroom to shower. It has a 'real' shower fitted in there. Yes,she has to step over the bath to use it,but that's easy,and she has no mobility problems,or issues that mean it'd be difficult for her. I would of course allow it if that was an issue.

So WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
Original poster
TillHammerZeit · 27/08/2014 12:09

Guest is my cousin,not a friend.

I am odd. I fully accept that. It's not news to me,but I do think it's an odd request really.not one I'd make of a host,unless I was physically unable to use the shower.

I'm quite sure that she's not scared of slipping. She's younger,and fitter than me,I'm 30,and she's 23,with no health problems. The shower in the other bathroom is just as strong as mine.

She has stayed before,and I caught her looking through personal medical letters in a drawer. I was less than thrilled.

She is rather a precious princess. I paid for her to go on holiday with me before,she spent much of the time complaining about people speaking French,in France!,she didn't have to speak French btw,I did the translating for her,albeit badly. And asking for money to buy clothes.

I can accept that we're probably both being unreasonable and precious in this scenario. I'm still hoping to gently discourage her from using my personal shower,but I might go with the dildo idea if I do. At least then she'll really have something to talk about.Grin

OP posts:
AbbieHoffmansAfro · 27/08/2014 12:10

Christ, just withdraw the invitation. Looking at personal medical letters? What a cow.

Purpleroxy · 27/08/2014 12:11

Id just say look, my ensuite is my personal private sanctuary and I don't ever allow anyone else in there. You are welcome to use the shower in the bathroom. I actually know another person who keeps the master ensuite for their own personal and private use, her dh and dc aren't allowed to use any part of it and I don't actually think it's that uncommon. Not sure why you are allowing this demanding snooper to stay though.

whatever5 · 27/08/2014 12:16

You both sound odd. Do you know why she doesn't like showers over baths though? It may be that she's nervous about slipping and she may have good reason to feel this way (I avoid showers over baths for that reason).

Castlemilk · 27/08/2014 12:17

'Precious princess'?

Why are you tiptoeing round her, then? Really, why? Or at least tell her it's leaking/broken - isn't that actually just miles easier than 'gently discouraging' her?

Just say no, you're fine, the shower in the bath is the guest shower. Or if you don't want to do that, say yours is broken.

Anything else pretty much smacks of doormat, frankly - I'm not surprised if she treats you like staff if this is your reaction to her.

PorkPieandPickle · 27/08/2014 12:18

I actually don't think you sound odd at all. You sound normal. Your 'friend' sounds utterly bonkers tho, but given your update she is obviously used to getting her own way far too much.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 27/08/2014 12:21

Stop being swayed by the idea that you have to suck it up.

It's your house, your shower to dictate who uses it at your discretion.

You paid for her holiday and paid for clothes too? Shock.

Come on Kid, stretch that backbone!

Icimoi · 27/08/2014 12:21

In your place I'd either say no or go for the option of telling her your en-suite isn't working.

DidoTheDodo · 27/08/2014 12:22

Exactly what porkpie said. You sound rather lovely to me, allowing this snooping cousin to stay again after her odd behaviour in the past.

I vote a resounding NO to the ensuite usage!

Kimaroo · 27/08/2014 12:22

Most overnight hotels I've stayed in have a shower in the bath anyway. Talk about fussy. If she doesn't like it then she can just have a wash. People don't die from not showering every day.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 27/08/2014 12:22

I'm still hoping to gently discourage her from using my personal shower Shock

IT'S YOUR HOUSE!

NotYouNaanBread · 27/08/2014 12:35

I don't think you're being bonkers at all. It's bad enough having to clean one bathroom for guests, and now she wants your own bedroom and en suite bathroom to be immaculate too? Just tell her no.

aciddrops · 27/08/2014 12:41

Could you ask her, for us, why she doesn't like showers over baths?

coffeeinbed · 27/08/2014 12:41

I'm with OP.

My bedroom is my personal space, I would not want people in and out there.

She has a perfectly acceptable bathroom, she should use it.

Original poster
TillHammerZeit · 27/08/2014 12:43

Ok now I'm thinking that I'm going to say no,even if I am being unreasonable,and precious. The other bathroom is much more suitable for her and her dd anyway. It's literally next door to their room,and is considerably larger. It's certainly adequate for one night.

OP posts:
Original poster
TillHammerZeit · 27/08/2014 12:45

And no I didn't buy her clothing. She had plenty of nice,new clothing,just not the latest,'must have' items. I'm a pushover I admit,have MH issues and working on that,but even I drew the line there. She got her mother to send money instead.

OP posts:
OneSkinnyChip · 27/08/2014 12:45

YANBU. Your, house, your rules. You're being kind, you're hosting her, providing her with a bedroom and clean, working shower. She doesn't get to dictate which shower she uses.

And I would have written all that even before I got to the snooping bit.

ChasedByBees · 27/08/2014 12:45

No gentle discouragement - just say no.

Take the fuse out and say it's broken if you feel you need an excuse, but just say no. She's being extremely cheeky.

whois · 27/08/2014 12:49

You both sound as odd as each other.

Yup. Pretty much!

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 27/08/2014 12:50

Direct her to the nearest premiere inn.

HolyQuadrityDrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/08/2014 12:52

I'd say that I prefer to keep my bedroom and ensuite private after I caught you snooping last time.

Summerisle1 · 27/08/2014 12:55

Unless there's a medical reason for her to be unable to use the shower in the bath then it is an odd request for a guest to make. I can't imagine a circumstance where I'd be insisting on using someone's en-suite. I suspect you are being a tad precious here but this does come in the context of a somewhat strange insistence on her part.

I can't really see this visit going well but I don't think you'd be unreasonable to say, politely "Sorry, but I prefer to keep the en-suite facilities for my use only but the shower in the main bathroom works perfectly".

Zucker · 27/08/2014 12:58

She doesn't feel uncomfortable imposing her wishes on you does she? So NO to using your shower and point her to the main bathroom.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 27/08/2014 12:59

Just say no, my bedroom and ensuite is my own private space.

Legionofboom · 27/08/2014 13:09

I wouldn't pretend that the en-suite shower is broken.

If she mentions it again just say that the shower in the bathroom works perfectly well. If she says she doesn't like showers over baths then I'd smile understandingly and say 'well it's only one night' and change the subject. If she goes on about it suggest that perhaps she would be more comfortable in a hotel.

You don't need to justify or explain why she can't use your en-suite shower.

You have made a shower available to her, if she really doesn't like it she can go without. It's one night.

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