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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in not wanting my guest to use my personal shower?

206 replies

TillHammerZeit · 27/08/2014 11:14

I suspect that I may be,but we'll see.

I'm going to have a guest staying overnight,on her way to another destination.

She informed me that as she doesn't like showers in baths,that she'd like to use my en suite shower. I'm not really happy about this. Perhaps unreasonably so,but it's my space,and I'd prefer her to use the main bathroom to shower. It has a 'real' shower fitted in there. Yes,she has to step over the bath to use it,but that's easy,and she has no mobility problems,or issues that mean it'd be difficult for her. I would of course allow it if that was an issue.

So WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
Judo123 · 27/08/2014 18:02

Tell her that you don't want her to use your shower as it is private and you know that she will snoop in your bedroom.....then laugh as if it was a joke...maybe she will get the hint!

If she does not take the hint tell her that there is a spider on a web over the shower and you do not want it killed.....this might put her off.

Or tell her that you are using the bathroom for your home spa day session so and meditation in your bedroom so it is out of bounds!

CarbeDiem · 27/08/2014 18:03

Yanbu - it's your shower in your house.

'Hello guest, welcome, make yourself comfortable and THIS IS the bathroom for you to use' End of discussion.

As for the snooping, I'd not really want her in my house at all after that tbh.

OnlyLovers · 27/08/2014 18:24

No, she doesn't need to lie!

clam · 27/08/2014 18:37

Since when was a shower over the bath synonymous with a manky plastic shower curtain wrapping itself around your nether regions? You can just as easily have one of those in a free-standing shower. And glass doors on either too.

VitoCorleone · 27/08/2014 19:20

Well, i don't have an en suite, but if i did id probably feel the same as you OP

YANBU

rainbowinmyroom · 27/08/2014 19:28

Message her: My en suite and my bedroom are my personal space and off limits to guests. So use the shower in the bathroom or make other arrangements.

Then put a lock on your door.

FryOneFatManic · 27/08/2014 19:55

TillHammerZeit (Are you a Rammstein fan by any chance?)

To business, I don't think YABU. My bedroom is my sanctuary, even the kids only go in there with my express permission. I know that if I had an ensuite, that would also be off limits.

The rest of the house is free range... So I don't really care if people think I'm weird about my bedroom.

Original poster
TillHammerZeit · 27/08/2014 20:16

I am indeed a huge Rammstein fan.Grin

Thankyou all for the advice and opinions. It's been very helpful. I've decided that my en suite is definitely out of bounds to her. I may be precious about that,but with her history of snooping I really don't want her invading my private space.

I think I wouldn't mind quite so much if it was someone else. I'm still fizzing over her looking through my medical records. She said that was my fault for making them 'accessible'. They were in a file,in a drawer,which she has no reason to go into.

I only offered to let her stay because of the baby. This was foolish of me I agree,but I can't really change my mind now,and it's only for one night. I will however try to make the boundaries clear to her.

OP posts:
Spadequeen · 27/08/2014 20:22

Well I was going to suggest telling her its broken, however now you've said that she was caught snooping last time she came I'd tell her no and I'd tell her why. Cheeky bloody mare. Se is relying on you being too polite and nice to say anything. Bugger that. No is a complete sentence.

rainbowinmyroom · 27/08/2014 20:23

It's your home, you get to say what space is out of bounds and she can lump it if she doesn't like it.

She is lucky you invited her after she did that. I housesit and would not dream of going through someone's records or stuff. WTF? That is violating their privacy.

QuacksForDoughnuts · 27/08/2014 21:10

She could be too tall to fit under some bath showers properly - my partner has this problem sometimes. Otoh, not being a nosy entitled brat he'd probably suck it up for one night in someone else's house.

SuckingGin · 27/08/2014 21:36

YANBU at all OP, I wouldn't like guests using my en-suite bathroom either - not when there is a perfectly good guest bathroom for them to use.

It's my personal private space and I just don't want people in it, especially not snoopy ones with no boundaries who would undoubtedly go rattling through my medicine cabinet and have a good rummage through my bedroom too while they were there.

Oldraver · 27/08/2014 22:11

The cheeky mare, chances are if she stayed in a hotel it would be a shower over the bath.

If she says anything again just laugh and say "dont be daft, there is a perfectly usable shower for guests"

Some guests are just rude and pushy..I made the mistake of making my mum too comfortable when she came before Christmas... I gave her and my Dad their own rooms like they have at home, I had to do some juggling but it worked out. Up until then they had stayed in a hotel (same room) when they were visiting. The next time thye came for DS's birthday and as Mum didn't immediatly see two made up rooms she started to kick up a fuss saying she couldn't possibly sleep in the same room as my Dad like you know she did in hotels

phantomnamechanger · 27/08/2014 22:27

OP YANBU, your cousin sounds a cheeky entitled mare TBH! she rang you to drop hints about you letting her stay, now she is trying to lay down terms when you are already doing her a favour

what next ?? - please ensure you supply ONLY towels made of pure unbleached Egyptian cotton and I only eat X brand of corn flakes

Are you sure she's not expecting you to give her your bed too?

Janethegirl · 27/08/2014 22:29

I hope my visitors don't even know I've got an en-suite.

HemlockStarglimmer · 27/08/2014 22:29

My ex used to say "If it's not nailed down it's mine. If I can prise it up, it's not nailed down". Sounds like your cousin is of the same mindset.

YANBU

TartinaTiara · 27/08/2014 22:38

She blamed you for her snooping because you'd made your private documents too accessible for her to resist?

You could tell the ill-mannered little chuff that she could get a decent enough shower standing outside in the rain, so you don't even have to let her get past the front door.

BerylStreep · 28/08/2014 09:02

When is she coming?

OnlyLovers · 28/08/2014 09:10

Christ, I just read your update about how you made your medical letters 'accessible' Hmm.

Tear her a new one, OP.

Optimist1 · 28/08/2014 16:22

I'd be tempted to write a few little notes and put them in drawers and cupboards that she shouldn't be nosing in ... wording of your choice, OP, but mine would be short, sweet and decidedly Anglo Saxon!

Original poster
TillHammerZeit · 29/08/2014 14:58

She arrives on Monday.

If she goes snooping again,she'll be out,baby or no baby. She can get a hotel.

OP posts:
Pinkbabe1 · 29/08/2014 15:52

So what did she use when she last stayed at your house? Presumably you had the same situation then?

rainbowinmyroom · 29/08/2014 15:54

TELL HER, now, my bedroom is off limits. If you don't like that, you can stay in a hotel.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 29/08/2014 16:22

I'll simplify it.
OP, you are neither unreasonable nor odd.

You are doing her a favour despite her being a less than charming house guest
There is a large family bathroom with a shower that's available to her, she has no special requirements re accessibility
Your bedroom has an ensuite private shower room for your personal use

If you're not entitled to be territorial about your own bedroom in your own home, where the hell can you ever be territorial?

She's got some front even asking, probably looking for another snooping opportunity.
No one should be able to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.

empathetic · 29/08/2014 16:30

YANBU!! i wouldn't dream of inviting a guest to use my en suite. None of my guests would dream of asking. If you are brave, just say no. If you are wimpy (I would be) , then go with the "sorry, it's a bit leaky atm" or somesuch.

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