AIBU in not wanting my guest to use my personal shower?

[TillHammerZeit]

I suspect that I may be,but we'll see.

I'm going to have a guest staying overnight,on her way to another destination.

She informed me that as she doesn't like showers in baths,that she'd like to use my en suite shower. I'm not really happy about this. Perhaps unreasonably so,but it's my space,and I'd prefer her to use the main bathroom to shower. It has a 'real' shower fitted in there. Yes,she has to step over the bath to use it,but that's easy,and she has no mobility problems,or issues that mean it'd be difficult for her. I would of course allow it if that was an issue.

So WIBU to say no?

[anonacfr]

OK so you don't mind people in your en suite. Hurray for you, you big warm hearted mother earth hostesses. I hope you breastfeed your visitors' children naked in your own bed, too, to give their parents a lie-in.

quote of the week!

And OP YADNBU. It's a bizarre thing to ask. Maybe you have expensive toiletries that she wants to pinch.

Tell her to fuck off. What's she going to ask for next- your bed?

[anonacfr]

I bet she has a shower in bath herself. Isn't it the most common bathroom setup?

[clam]

I don't think you're being precious at all, MH issues or not. And even if you were, it's your house, so it's your prerogative to be so.


But I'm wondering how on earth she brought it up. "Thanks for letting us stay. Oh, by the way, I'll be using your en-suite please."

[ChangelingToday]

I don't like showers in baths either but I'm not that bad that I would specially request a non bath shower! Think it was a bit strange of her to ask. I would tell the truth that you don't like other people in your space, that's your space.

[DramaAlpaca]

YANBU at all, OP.

IMO it's quite rude of a guest to ask to use your en-suite. Tell her to use the perfectly good shower in the bathroom. And fit a lock to your room!

[wafflyversatile]

I think you are both being a bit precious!

There is a perfectly fine shower in the main bathroom. If you only had one then she'd use it easily enough.

I can understand that when you get used to having your private spaces it can be hard to think about sharing them even if you have done so plenty of other times in other circs.

[vezzie]

I don't think gently dissuading her from your bathroom is going to work (based on the information that is coming out now about what sort of person she is). You are either going to have to rescind the invitation (with a fake excuse if you aren't up to telling the truth, fair enough) or say "Look, about me putting you up when you're on the way to x: I'm happy to do it, but I want to keep my personal stuff private, including my correspondence, and my private spaces which are my bedroom and bathroom. I wouldn't have thought it necessary to say this but just to save any tension later, I'm spelling it out now."

Please please please can someone - like Changeling - say what is wrong with showers over baths? Because tbh this person sounds like such a pain that I just assumed she wanted access to the ensuite just because she is the sort to intrinsically resent not having full access to everything, like a power play.

[ChangelingToday]

It's the bath/showers with the curtains I don't like. I don't mind the ones w the doors on them. Something about the curtain blowing against me when I'm in the shower, I hate that feeling!

[Bambambini]

We never had this problem with poncey ensuites in my day. We were lucky to have one little bathroom. My siblings didn't even have a bathroom or a loo when they were little. Ensuite schmansuite!

[RedRoom]

Of course you aren't unreasonable. It's your house and bathroom! Just put your foot down and say that the guest bathroom is for guests and yours is for you. Keep repeating that until it sinks in. If she really is so brass necked that she keeps on about it, tell her that ever since you caught her rummaging through your drawers and reading personal medical letters, you've decided to restrict where she has access to. Sometimes people need to learn the truth!

[Kiffykaffycoffee]

Personally I don't like showers over baths. Hate the way the mouldy shower curtain clings in all the wrong places. But if my hostess asked me to use it, I would. She is being very precious and You should stand your ground in case she comes to stay again.

[Dropdeadfred2]

the shower winner be suitable for baby surely ? so she will need to use the bath

[HolyQuadrityDrinkFeckArseGirls]

Of course bambambini why don't people just shit in the bucket like in the good olden days?

[SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker]

ITA even for non snoopy guests. My bathroom is mine, so is my bedroom. I lock the door when guests come round because I've had people snoop before.

[Maisyblue]

She sounds very fussy but perhaps you could pretend the en suite shower isn't functioning properly, therefore she'll have to use the shower in the bath. Hope it won't be too much of an ordeal for her.

[RedRoom]

Unscrew the shower head. Fill it with tea leaves. When she wants to use the en-suite, give her a demo of the odd brown water that is coming from the pipe and recommend that she uses the main bathroom, for her own health.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I'm no Earth mother, but I do let guests use my en suite - but none of my guests have ever snooped through private stuff in the way that your cousin did, TillHammerZeit - I think that was utterly reprehensible behaviour,,and you woild be quite within your rights to say to your cousin, "I'm sorry, but after finding you reading private medical letters you'd found in a drawer, I am not prepared to allow you in my private space, so you will have to cope with the shower over the bath. If that makes you unhappy, reflect on the fact that you brought it on yourself!!"

However, I do appreciate that this might cause ructions in the family, so I'd simply tell her that the family bathroom will be available for her to use, and you are sorry, but she can't use the en suite.

I should also admit that, although in general I am willing to let guests use my ensuite, and I offered it to mil when she was staying recently (she is in very poor health, due to lung cancer, and couldn't have got in or out of the bath), I woildnt offer to let FIL use the en suite, and I'd be a bit unhappy about letting him, if he asked. But when he stayed last week, he only used the shower once (he was here for 9 days) because, although he routinely has a shower at bedtime each night at home, he needs to be reminded to shower when he is away from home. He must have had stand-up washes, as he didn't smell, but it is still one of the many reasons I was so glad when he headed home last Saturday

[OnlyLovers]

'No, you can use the other shower. I don't want you in my bedroom because of the last time –you know, when you went through my personal letters.'

[Greyhound]

This reminds me this strange man I used to go out with. For some reason, I was never allowed to use his bath when I stayed over. He used to imply it didn't work but I think he was just weird territorial about it.

[Optimist1]

'No, you can use the other shower. I don't want you in my bedroom because of the last time –you know, when you went through my personal letters.'

This says it all.

[daphnehoneybutt]

Erm I think you possibly would be U, if she hadn't looked through your personal letters (WTF).

We recently had DHs mate to stay and he asked to use the ensuite shower - DH said yes and I was appalled. I see it as my shower. But I suspect that is me being a ballbag. I would let my mum use it or another lovely lady. Thankfully he didn't use it in the end.

[SpicyBear]

I don't find it odd not to want her traipsing through your room to use the en suite when you have a perfectly adequate guest bathroom. I thought YANBU even before to seeing she has from for snooping, which makes it even less odd that you don't want her in your space. You're being very nice to let her stay at all given that previous performance!

[Fluffyears]

I feel weird about people using my en suite. To me it's in my bedrooms so like my bedroom it is private. I hate people in my room and for some reason mil just wanders in even if I'm just changing socks. Want to shout at her to get out!

When she mentions it I'd say 'no' smile and change subject, if she raised it again I'd say 'sorry i thought we'd covered this the answer is no' again smile and change subject.

[eddielizzard]

well it's the snooping. so i'd say no. yanbu

[MrsBoldon]

I'm the opposite as I don't like people using the shower in the 'show bathroom' because it's pristine so I prefer them using the en suite.

I recognise that this is utterly obsessive and unreasonable however so would never direct a guest to use the one I want them to!.

You will come across as odd and controlling and genuinely, it's good to go outside of your comfort zone sometimes!.