Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly annoyed at dp's comments re losing weight and marriage

173 replies

Mrskeats · 20/08/2014 09:59

Hi

To give some context I was married for 19 years and dp has never married although been in long term relationships. We live together.
He knows that I would get married again despite the whole divorce nightmare. Just because I picked the wrong man doesn't men the whole systems wrong right?
So he's definitely marriage phobic for reasons I'm not really sure of.
Anyway he says well if you can get down to a size 12/14 (18 currently as I was when we met btw) we will get married.
I would like to lose weight but am a bit insulted that he sees himself as such a prize that I have to 'win' effectively
Safest bet I ever made he jokes. Grrr
Am I being unreasonable to think this is arrogant and a bit controlling?

OP posts:
IHeartLockhart · 20/08/2014 10:00

Do you really need to ask?

Oldraver · 20/08/2014 10:00

Ditch now,

CSIJanner · 20/08/2014 10:00

Fuck that or a bunch of monkeys. Someone who loves you looks beyond the shell to the person behind. And doesn't care. YANBU - time for a serious conversation.

SaucyJack · 20/08/2014 10:01

I think you should lose the weight and get married...... to somebody else.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 20/08/2014 10:02

And you want to marry this tool why?

Lottiedoubtie · 20/08/2014 10:02

Shock well that'd be enough for me to decide I wasn't ever going to marry him!

AnnieLobeseder · 20/08/2014 10:06

That would be a deal-breaker for me, sorry. So either a) you aren't good enough (in his wankerish opinion) for him to marry as you are or b) he's so cocky in himself that you won't manage to lose the weight that he think he's safe and won't have to marry you.

Either shows a shocking lack of respect for you as the person you are now.

LadyLuck10 · 20/08/2014 10:06

Shock You deserve better.

MrsWinnibago · 20/08/2014 10:08

He's really not worth marrying. Get rid.

Nulliferous · 20/08/2014 10:09

You could lose 13 stone at a stroke by dumping his sorry ass.

Fudgeface123 · 20/08/2014 10:11

Fuck that! Find someone who loves you for who you are now, not for who he wants you to be.

raging on your behalf

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 20/08/2014 10:12

And I bet he's Mr Universe right?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 20/08/2014 10:13

Time to wipe that presumably smug smirk off his face and dump that motherfucker.

And be bloody grateful he gave you a stark warning about what an utter shit he is BEFORE you married him. You can walk away from him and never see him again. (unless you have DCs. you don't right?)

JohnnyDeppsfuturewife · 20/08/2014 10:14

Wow, I'm shocked! I was very overweight even before I had children and dh only ever mentioned my weight a couple of times in a 'it would be nice for you to be more healthy' way. If he had put it as a condition of marriage I think I'd have told him to fuck off.

I have lost all the weight, but I did it for me and to set an example to the children about healthy eating.

antimatter · 20/08/2014 10:14

making you to jump hoops to win him???

PetulaGordino · 20/08/2014 10:14

does he imagine that this is in some way motivational? not that that is in any way an excuse. i agree with annie, it would be a dealbreaker for me

Vivacia · 20/08/2014 10:18

Why would you even need to ask?

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/08/2014 10:19

What an arsehole.

Castlemilk · 20/08/2014 10:20

Wow. No, you need to dump this one.

That's not just a knee-jerk response, by the way. What you've had here is a real insight into this person's character. And it's got a nasty streak a mile wide.

You may not have seen it in evidence yet (apart from here), but it is there.

And at some point, when the chips are down, it will bite you in the bum.

You don't say if you've been with him for long. But I predict:

  • either you have not been with him very long, and your posts after this will be 'But he's lovely... so generous... we never argue... etc.'

-or, you will come on and say you've been together a long time, and now you come to mention it, yes he is a bit selfish, yes he does leave jobs for you to do, yes he does pull a face when you have a night out, etc.

TheBloodManCometh · 20/08/2014 10:21

What a bastard. Why are you with this fuck wit?

MrsCosmopilite · 20/08/2014 10:22

Rude
Arrogant
Controlling

If you feel you want to lose weight that's up to you. You shouldn't feel pressured. I'd be telling him to fuck off.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/08/2014 10:24

If you DO lose your body weight, I assure you, OP, that this is just the tip of the iceberg. You will have proved that you are so unworthy of him that he can continue to direct you as he pleases.

This is really not something you would want any children you have to witness because it's a horrible life lesson.

Why you would even entertain another minute of coupledom with this man is astonishing. He should be thrilled and proud that you would even consent to marry him, never mind you have to prompt and jump through hoops.

I say this very kindly, OP. Your 'self-esteem barometer' is on the fritz... please get it checked. Shock

twoweeks · 20/08/2014 10:24

Urgh. Entitled, misogynistic twat.

Dont marry him!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/08/2014 10:25

Tell him to fuck off.

Does he resemble God's gift to the women of the world? Hmm

You don't need this tit keeping you hanging.

HellonHeels · 20/08/2014 10:26

Fuck that!

Please dump him. This might have been said as a "joke" but it is scary.

You deserve (and can do) SO much better than this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread