Why do some people say 'I don't like children'?

[lottieandmia]

And what is the reason? I ask this because my dad didn't like children, he still doesn't and yet he actively decided to become a parent. And then he never had any time for me. I think this is wrong, personally.

When I hear people say they don't like children I find this a bit odd, because generally I find that I warm to other people's children as well as my own and I have a lot of patience I think.

I also would never date a man who said he didn't like children. AIBU?

I think the way I feel about pets is the way some feel about children. I like some of them, I can see why others have them but I don't want to have one of my own.
That said if someone told me about their beloved pets I wouldn't say "I don't like pets"

It depends on circumstance. About 4 years ago i was told i might not be able to have children. I was really upset, but convinced myself and everyone around me that i didn't like them and certainly didn't want them. I was working as a teacher and insisted the best thing was going home to a child free house.

Thankfully a few years later they told me i should very ok and my opinion changed. Although, having been a teacher, i can't abide naughty children. So i still hate some of them!

See, I love animals. Completely. Pets to an extent yes, but wildlife especially. I think part of my internal reasoning is that essentially - a child or baby has an advocate in its parent, but if an animal is in trouble it's fucked.

What MuddlingMackem said.

And why is it considered normal to say "I like children"? Replace "children" with any other group of people and you sound patronising at best, bonkers at worst.

My Grandma thought the same trufflesnout she didn't have a lot of money but always gave to animal charities.
I don't really get people saying they don't like animals, most people in the can go about their lives without having much to do with them, it's not like they actively seek out humans. Pets I can understand more because you are more likely to come across them or their owners.

It's not normal to say anything though, that's my point.

People can feel how they want. But why be unkind and deliberately say you don't like children to someone who's just has a baby etc?

I agree lottie that would be a heartless thing to say. I don't think it is odd to not like children, but it is rude to say so to a new parent.

Youre somewhat expanding now to include delicate new mums?digression from op

People can feel how they want. But why be unkind and deliberately say you don't like children to someone who's just has a baby etc?

Rather more specific situation here than originally, don't you think?

OP seemed to be about how it's wrong to say "I don't like children" because it's wrong to think that you don't like children.

Not about how it's impolite to mention that you don't like children to new parents, if they haven't caused the subject to come up.

If someone hears "I hate your precious new baby" when someone says to them "I don't like children", perhaps they're hearing more than is being said. Just because someone has lost perspective a bit as they're on cloud 9 due to making a new person doesn't mean it's obligatory to gush about how cute babies are.

I don't dislike children, I am just indifferent to them unless they're close to me, much like adults. It's not a children thing, it's a person thing.

It's not normal to say anything though, that's my point.
Exactly, I don't go around announcing I love kids to everyone. As I said before I've never been in a situation where I've felt compelled to express my like or dislike of them.
Where as when I was younger loads of people seemed to feel the need to say on hearing I had a daughter that they disliked children.
I found it a really odd thing to say to someone, how do you move the conversation on from that.
Why is it that I have told masses of people I have a husband, nobody has ever gone "oh I don't like men" or "I don't mind my own husband but I can't be doing with other peoples"

So what actually happened OP?

Well I started the thread because of my dad and because there was another minor argument where my mum brought up the fact that he never wanted children. The best thing (IMO) would have been for her you you know, marry a guy who actually wanted kids. I don't think people change theirs minds about this sort of thing. I know women who have, but men don't IME.

I then responded to some other comments that have arisen along the thread such as one poster who said a woman turned up at a christening and made a point of saying she didn't like babies.

Children are a section of human society. People comparing liking or disliking them to dogs and hobbies says a lot about the weird attitudes we have in society towards children.

Because let's be clear, as a society we still fail our children and young people hugely, particularly the most vulnerable. Educationally, in health and social care, children and young people are poorly served.

I completely understand people disliking parenting/childcare roles and the assumptions made about women wanting to do them.

But expressing visceral dislike of a vulnerable group in society is grim and foolish.

I am one of those ‘don’t like children’ people. But that is mainly in response to queries from nosy buggers asking why OH and I don’t have any children of our own (he has one from a previous marriage). What I really mean is:

“I love tiny squidgy babies, even when they are crying. I like fat nappy bottomed toddlers. I like kids when they get to the age of about 13 and you can have a proper conversation with them. I’m not too fussed on kids between the age of about 3 and 13 as I mostly find them highly irritating. However within that age bracket, I do know quite a few children that I do like, but they are the exception rather than the rule, and on the whole, I prefer my time to be free of screaming, whinging, mess, tantrums, cartoons, loom bands and ‘I want’. This is why I don’t have children of my own, because there are about 10 years of parenthood that I suspect would drive me absolutely insane, and that I wouldn’t actually be a very good mother.

On top of that I am not actually convinced that I could conceive given my age and previous gynaecological problems, and I’m not about to put me and OH through IVF or anything similar for something that I’m not 100% sure that I really want. I do regret not having had children when I was much younger, now that I see a lot of my schoolfriends waving theirs off to Uni and generally enjoying their teenagers as semi-adults, it makes me sad that I don’t have that. But I wasn’t with the right man at the right time, and now I am with the right man, it’s probably the wrong time given where I am in my life.”

But instead of saying all of that I generally just say ‘it’s not for me’, and then when someone presses the point and wants to know why (which they generally do), I say ‘I just don’t really like kids that much’. It’s easier, and it’s no-one’s business other than mine why I don't have / want children.

Oh I completely understand where you're coming from mice. That must be very annoying. For some reason a lot of people think they have the right to comment on how many children you have or don't have etc. the one I get is 'wouldn't you like a son?' As if I can choose!

I can remember thinking as a child (probably around age 9 or 10) that it was unfair that people said this. I thought it was very ageist and that children couldn't help being children, and why should they all be lumped together and disliked simply because of their age?

Having said that, I wouldn't find it strange if someone said they didn't like being around toddlers, for example, and I can understand why someone might wish not to have children of their own. Some people may find the company of young children fascinating and stimulating, but they can equally be very irritating and restrictive - as you outlined in your post above miceinthemouseorgan. Before I had children, I wasn't keen to spend much time around toddlers; I've never wanted to work with children of any age and in any capacity. I love my own, but so far I think I prefer the preschooler stage to the baby and just toddling stage.

Because some people really don't like them.

I am not a huge fan if I'm honest. My twin boys are 18mo and I am SO looking forward to when they're a bit older - say 25(ish).
Don't get me wrong, I love them they're my boys but all the crap that goes with them, the squabbles, the mess at dinnertime, the bedtime routines, going out for the day requires more planning and luggage than a mission to Mars fgs...

Hurry up and grow up, can't wait until they're young men.

18 months is a difficult phase though (remembers dd3 spreading my new, expensive moisturiser all over the wall and her )

some children are OK but honestly what i find irritating mostly is the way they eat and their wet little lips smacking away displaying the vile contents of their mouths while their parents say 'ooh arent they cute'.

YANBU Nigellas when I worked in Nurseries I volunteered to cook and wash up every day to avoid seeing the children eating. I can just about stomach my own but will flee if they start proffering a soggy crust for me to try.

yes notso I can imagine!!
the only way I can bear my own children eating is because I have been such a fascist about eating and table manners,.,,,poor kids...

Yes me too NigellasPeeler I have to do separate meals now when DC's friends come as I find it hard not to bellow "Fork to mouth, not mouth to fork" or "cut it don't eat it like a lollipop"