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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do some people say 'I don't like children'?

224 replies

lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 12:21

And what is the reason? I ask this because my dad didn't like children, he still doesn't and yet he actively decided to become a parent. And then he never had any time for me. I think this is wrong, personally.

When I hear people say they don't like children I find this a bit odd, because generally I find that I warm to other people's children as well as my own and I have a lot of patience I think.

I also would never date a man who said he didn't like children. AIBU?

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 16/08/2014 19:46

My old friend from school didn't want kids but had them to save her marriage (in her words) as her husband really wanted them . She had twins and didn't bond, really struggled, had to have lots of counselling, marriage nearly failed. Enjoys them now they are older but it took many years

alltoomuchrightnow · 16/08/2014 19:46

(and yes to an infertile person like me it does really grate)

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 19:47

But people simply do not say 'I don't like adults'

OP posts:
riverboat1 · 16/08/2014 19:48

Well yeah, because that's like saying 'I don't like anyone'...

Notso · 16/08/2014 19:48

I said playing sport in particular because I dislike playing sport but I don't mind watching some of it so I wouldn't say I don't like sport.

scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 19:49

None you know.but I'm confident some say it,think it
And again...so what
Children aren't protected species,to be venerated.some folk don't like them

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 19:50

'I don't like adults'

'I don't like children'

Please explain why you couldn't say the first but you could say the second.

OP posts:
riverboat1 · 16/08/2014 19:53

I think if, given everything I've already said along with all the other responses on this thread, you can't see the difference between why people might say one but not the other, there's nothing much more I can say.

I am also probably not the person you have in mind as someone who says this, as although I have said it, I don't say it as a 'badge of honour' or literally look upon all children with dislike and disdain.

I am honestly sorry about your dad though.

scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 19:54

What are you in about?

Iggly · 16/08/2014 19:55

It seems odd to me to completely write off people from the age of 0-18 on the basis of age.

Anyone who says this - did they have friends as a kid? So they liked children at some point? When did the switch occur?

I reckon that you can find one child you'd like. So I find it a bit of a stupid thing to say tbh.

Trills · 16/08/2014 19:55

When I hear people say they don't like children I find this a bit odd, because generally I find that I warm to other people's children as well as my own and I have a lot of patience I think.

So you find it odd to hear people say that they don't like something that you do like?

Or are you just objecting to the generalisation? If so, try not replying with a generalisation of your own.

riverboat1 · 16/08/2014 19:58

Ooh, I have thought of something.

It's very possible to live a life mostly avoiding children if that's what you want. It's practically impossible to live a life mostly avoiding adults, unless you want to be a hermit.

Notso · 16/08/2014 19:58

No scottish they aren't they are the same species as adults.I treat adults as individuals, liking and disliking different people I come across, I do the same with children.
I've met some awful children, awful teenagers and awful adults, I don't use that experience to conclude I don't like humans.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 19:58

Yes I do get that other people will not have the same feelings as me about many issues.

Someone above just said that if you said you dislike all adults it would mean you didn't like anyone. So how is it more acceptable to say you dislike children generally.

OP posts:
thecageisfull · 16/08/2014 20:00

Because when people say 'I don't like children' they don't mean 'I don't like each child as an individual', they mean they don't like the noise or mess or restricted conversation or intense level of engagement or the fact that there are certain activities that simply aren't as enjoyable with a child in tow. They mean the generalness of childhood, not that every child is horrid and devoid of charm. I don't hate all children but if I'm on a plane, nothing would induce me to play peek a boo with a 1yo I've never met when I could be reading my book. Other people would think 'yay! a baby!'.

Notso · 16/08/2014 20:01

Sorry that post didn't read well am trying to make meatballs and mn

MarshaBrady · 16/08/2014 20:01

I like children, unless they are being rather irritating. Then I hope someone will help them stop being irritating - if they are some one else's of course.

But I spend quite a lot of time with my own. So I really relish child free time with dh or friends.

Trills · 16/08/2014 20:01

Maybe we sometimes have miscommunications about

"don't LIKE"

vs

"DISlike".

You can not like something without hating it, you just don't actively LIKE it or seek it out.

Bowlersarm · 16/08/2014 20:02

I don't think people say 'I don't like children' for a badge of honour. I don't particularly like 0-14ish as an age group.

I love my own DC though, and find themfascinating. Just not other people's children.

I don't want any sort of badge, it's just the way I feel.

riverboat1 · 16/08/2014 20:04

Notso and Lottie and others who are 'against' the 'I don't like children' brigade - are you against people saying this specific phrase, or people who don't 'particularly like children' and live their lives in such a way so that it doesn't involve children, or as little as possible?

Amethyst24 · 16/08/2014 20:04

Totally agree, thecageisfull. I don't enjoy being around children, especially not in large numbers. That's part of being a parent, which is why I have chosen to remain child free. Some people did dismiss my feelings with "oh, you'll change your mind, just you wait", but I'm 41 and that has yet to happen.

Notso · 16/08/2014 20:06

I understand what your saying thecage but a lot of those things could also be said of people with certain disabilities and conditions but it would be unacceptable to say you didn't like disabled people.

scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 20:07

When I'm not with my own weans,I don't chose restaurant/activities that are populated with children

Trills · 16/08/2014 20:10

I agree with thecageisfull with the interpretation of what "I don't like children" can also mean...

It's just a bit long-winded to say

"On the whole, the things that make children different to adults make them less appealing to me, not more appealing, so while each child is an individual my opinion of children as a whole is that I don't particularly like them."

Bowlersarm · 16/08/2014 20:10

I don't think that's similar at all notso. Not everyone has disabilities. Everyone has been a child though.