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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do some people say 'I don't like children'?

224 replies

lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 12:21

And what is the reason? I ask this because my dad didn't like children, he still doesn't and yet he actively decided to become a parent. And then he never had any time for me. I think this is wrong, personally.

When I hear people say they don't like children I find this a bit odd, because generally I find that I warm to other people's children as well as my own and I have a lot of patience I think.

I also would never date a man who said he didn't like children. AIBU?

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 16/08/2014 20:11

.....It would be more like saying I don't like old people.

BertieBotts · 16/08/2014 20:16

YY thecage, that's what I was trying to say earlier.

Before I had children I was under the impression I liked children, and I do, I like them as individuals, I love to hear their take on the world, I like kid writing and kid drawings, I find little ones cute, most of them funny a lot of the time and they are fascinating - it's amazing to see brand new humans figuring out the world and developing etc

But since having them I've discovered all the not so good parts, and I couldn't work with children (for example). Of course I love and like my son but my god can he be annoying, and some of the things he talks about constantly make me want to claw my face off in boredom. He's fascinating and amazing and awesome too (in my eyes of course), but it's the moments where he's really being a five year old kid rather than when he's being an individual person who you can relate to and have a good time with that I find hard, tedious, or don't particularly like... I'm not explaining this very well I don't think. But there are certain aspects of being an immature human which are just not appealing.

Notso · 16/08/2014 20:20

Why do you need to say anything though Trills
I've never asked anyone if they like kids, I can't really think of any situations where there has been a need to express a like or dislike for them.

RabbitSaysWoof · 16/08/2014 20:20

I don't think when people say that they really mean all children, they probably just dislike certain qualities they see in children frequently or feel awkward to relate to children in general.

I love ds to death, but when I get him from he's gm's house I don't like him very much he acts different I don't recognise him as the brilliant kid I know hes a miserable tantruming attention seeker.

I also don't understand when people say 'I love babies' their not all the same bloody person, you cant love them all, you don't even know them all.

Amethyst24 · 16/08/2014 20:23

Notso, but if you find those things difficult to deal with when the person doing them is disabled, as I do, you don't choose a career that involves working with disabled people.

Iggly · 16/08/2014 20:23

The thing is, I get annoyed with my own children at times. Doesn't mean I don't like them. I just don't like their behaviour.

Same with other children. Sometimes they get on my tits. Doesn't mean I'd say "I dont like children". Sweeping generalisation.

MarshaBrady · 16/08/2014 20:24

I find I really enjoy children in certain situations. The nursery play for eg. It's very cute.

But then when we go out without the dc we go to places where there aren't any dc. And I'll usually meet friends at night rather than in the day as it's a nice break from dc.

I do usually love babies, well ones I know. The ones I don't know I don't mind.

Ilovenicesoap · 16/08/2014 20:28

I adore my DC which I think is a very hormonal response.
I would Kill for them no doubts if it was necessary for their survival.

Other people's DC -I would fight for their survival-no doubt what so ever.
It doesn't mean I like them .
Most are annoying pains in the butt.

RedErik · 16/08/2014 20:30

My own children get on my tits far more often than other people's. I think it's because I'm responsible for them...

Other people's kids are a novelty, and if they act up, well it isn't my problem

Notso · 16/08/2014 20:31

Bowlersarm I was talking about the restricted conversation and intense level of engagement. My adult cousin has the abilities of a toddler I still expect other people to be tolerant of her and treat her with respect. I would be outraged if I mentioned her and someone said "oh I don't like people with learning difficulties".
So why should I accept people saying that about my toddlers or my older children.

kiritekanawa · 16/08/2014 20:33

trufflesnout i can definitely relate to your post.

OP maybe this thread will shed some light on it?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2160684-ambivalence-about-becoming-a-mother-anyone
I wouldn't say "I don't like children", because I think such generalizations are more likely to offend people than be useful. However, I do find children overly intimate, and quite boring, and I am quite scared at the prospect of having my own.

WoodliceCollection · 16/08/2014 20:39

Eh. I think some people who say that mean they feel uncomfortable around children which is reasonable because there are weird cultural expectations around how you are meant to relate to children which can be difficult for some people to remember offhand. I think some people who say it just mean they don't want kids and don't want to be asked any more. Some people who say it are knobs who are exactly the same kind of people who think it would be ok to say they don't like old/disabled/black/gay people. This includes your dad.

I would quite like someone to explain why they think a group of human beings are comparable to a hobby (sports example) though. I don't like sports. If I said I don't like teenagers, I wouldn't mean the same thing- I'd mean I feel intimidated by arsey teenagers who have no social boundaries or respect for other humans. It's not remotely similar, people are not a hobby that you choose or not to participate in, they are other instances of humanity. You don't have to interact with them at all (you really don't, even if they are noisy, just like I don't interact with football wankers who are noisy and disruptive, I ignore them or report them to authorities if they are being too shitey), but they are entitled to exist.

MuddlingMackem · 16/08/2014 20:39

I don't like children. And I say I don't like children, because I don't like them as one homogenous mass. They're people, and just like with adults some I like and some I don't. But I don't like them just because they're children any more than I like adults just because they're adults.

Sometimes I don't like my own children, when they're misbehaving.

I certainly wouldn't want to spend time with children just because they're children or with adults just because they're adults. I'd only plan to spend time with people if I thought we'd have something in common, and I don't have a lot in common with most children. :)

FWIW, my mother was completely the opposite, she loved spending time with children just because she liked children.

Bunbaker · 16/08/2014 20:55

"Because when people say 'I don't like children' they don't mean 'I don't like each child as an individual', they mean they don't like the noise or mess or restricted conversation or intense level of engagement or the fact that there are certain activities that simply aren't as enjoyable with a child in tow. They mean the generalness of childhood, not that every child is horrid and devoid of charm."

Excellent post thecageisfull. It seems to me that people who really like children and being around them really cannot understand those of us who just aren't interested in other children or being with them. Same as dog lovers really.

Original poster

lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 21:03

I like child free time as much as anyone else. I am not an earth mother at all actually! But when I've heard people say this specific thing my feeling is that what they means is they've simply got no time for children at all.

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 16/08/2014 21:06

Probably. You just have to accept it I'm afraid. We can't all be the same.

PenisesAreNotPink · 16/08/2014 21:07

I adore children in my family and children I work with.

But most children as a group in public are massively annoying as their parented by properly crappy parents.

Loads of people shouldn't have children, unfortunately it's the default position for most people to have them.

PenisesAreNotPink · 16/08/2014 21:08

They're not their

TrickoftheMind · 16/08/2014 21:17

I don't see why it should be compulsory to like small children. Especially the high-pitched screechy ones. Perhaps I'm hard-hearted, but I'm not about to apologise for it.
Stroppy teenagers are great though , I'd rather have 6 of those than 1 toddler.

Hoppinggreen · 16/08/2014 21:30

I think that some people do just like them as a group. My mil does, she genuinely likes all children and enjoys spending time with them.
I generally don't, i do like some children but as individuals and I decide whether I like them based on their personality rather than the fact that they are children. Some I like and some I'm not so keen on. I would never be horrible to one though ( unless really provoked!!)

Thenapoleonofcrime · 16/08/2014 22:01

It's not compulsory to like all small children. It's not compulsory to like all old people either.

But I don't go declaring 'I don't like old people' as if this is a perfectly normal state of affairs and just a personal preference. I find it weird that many people can't seem to encompass all types of people into their lives, including children, older people, people with disabilities and so on. The less you include yourself in being friendly across the generations, the less you feel comfortable around people who are not like yourself.

Mim78 · 16/08/2014 22:17

Children are just people IMO - it's normal to like some and not others surely? Saying I don' t like children is a bit like saying I don't like people.

Agree that most who say this mean 'I don't want to be responsible for children'. In which case please don't have them/look after them!

scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 22:35

Sometimes,i dont have time for children
Or adults
Or dugs

Wherediparkmybroom · 16/08/2014 22:44

I like dugs! All dogs!!!

scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 22:46

Of course i dont like all dugs
Or their doggy woggy apologist owners

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