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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do some people say 'I don't like children'?

224 replies

lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 12:21

And what is the reason? I ask this because my dad didn't like children, he still doesn't and yet he actively decided to become a parent. And then he never had any time for me. I think this is wrong, personally.

When I hear people say they don't like children I find this a bit odd, because generally I find that I warm to other people's children as well as my own and I have a lot of patience I think.

I also would never date a man who said he didn't like children. AIBU?

OP posts:
Deverethemuzzler · 16/08/2014 12:48

It seems odd that we can say 'I don't like [any] children' but not 'I don't like Americans' or 'I don't like black people' without people mostly agreeing that it is ridiculous and wrong to make blanket statements about diverse groups.

I can understand people not wanting to be around children. Perfectly reasonable. I can understand people not wanting children.

But if I am honest the people I have met who make a 'thing' about not liking children have tended to be very attention seeking. They see children as competition. They don't want to have attention deflected from them nor do they want to adjust their attention seeking behaviour because it might be offensive or frightening if there is a child around.

Nanny0gg · 16/08/2014 12:53

Why can't people dislike children or animals? We are not all the same, thankfully.

8I'm deeply suspicious of people who say "they don't like children" or any other section of society. It usually means they don't have the imagination, or simply can't be bothered, to look at the world from another person's point of view.*

Why? It doesn't stop them looking at things from a different perspective.

They just don't like children.

Smilesandpiles · 16/08/2014 12:53

I dont like politicians is a much better sweeping statement. Most would agree with you too!

thecageisfull · 16/08/2014 12:56

I'm not keen on small children. I find them hard work, restrictive and not all that interesting. I prefer the company of adults, or at least people over the age of 6 or 7. I don't dislike them as individuals. I had children because I wanted a family, not because I wanted a gang of toddlers and I do get a lot more pleasure out of them now they are a bit older than I ever did when they were at the Thomas the Tank Engine stage. I think what another poster said about not liking parenting is more accurate. Parenting small children in very full on with a few moments of cuteness.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 13:03

I would not think it was strange if someone didn't want to be a parent but I think Devere has hit the nail on the head wrt how some people who don't like children feel they are competition for attention somehow.

OP posts:
Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 13:08

I think I have a different perspective on this as well because I've had Italian boyfriends. They, their friends and family all have endless time and patience and interest for small children. I remember going to a Christmas party with Italian people and a 20 year old boy spent most of his time playing with and entertaining my 4 year old and all the other kids at the party. So maybe it is cultural.

OP posts:
Stratter5 · 16/08/2014 13:11

My sister goes one step further, she hates children, and makes no secret of it. Going out with her was excruciating, she'd think nothing of making loud remarks about 'brats', 'fucking snotty kids', etc; all within earshot. One memorable day, she was out with my parents at an RHS garden, a child fell in a pond, and whilst people were fishing the child out, she stood there saying loudly 'don't know why they don't stand on it's fucking head'. Sadly, my mother was more concerned that she said 'fucking', which speaks volumes for the pair of them.

Deverethemuzzler · 16/08/2014 13:12

But children are individuals. So how can you know you 'don't like children'?

It doesn't make any sense to tell the world you don't like any males or females of any creed or background from the age of 0-18.

Its a ludicrous statement to make.

If you don't like the noise some children make or you find talking to 8 year olds frustrating or you think 2 year olds are hard work, it all makes sense.

Writing off billions of human beings because they have not reached voting age doesn't.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 13:13

Stratter - wow she sounds just lovely(!) no offence - is there some reason?

OP posts:
LizardBreath · 16/08/2014 13:16

I don't like children. Too tedious, loud and annoying. The good thing is that eventually they change from being a child and become interesting.

I've never felt the need to 'declare' to anyone I don't like them, I just try and stay out of areas where there's a high concentration of children.

Stratter5 · 16/08/2014 13:17

Not really, she and my mum are two of a kind; incredibly self centred and completely without empathy. Basically, she couldn't give a shit if the parents overhear her.

One of the many reasons I am NC. She has reduced my children to tears on more than one occasion, once because a then 6yo DD1 forgot to flush the loo after having a poo. In her own home.

MassaAttack · 16/08/2014 13:18

My tolerance of small children is wearing thinner now that mine is a teenager. I don't dislike them, and I adore some of them, but I wouldn't want to spend hours and hours with any. My teen and select others, are ace.

When I was younger and childfree, they were a delightful novelty. These days if I go to a pub, say, and there are children, my heart sinks a bit.

ShelaghTurner · 16/08/2014 13:18

Because people that say that are a little bit stupid. You wouldn't dream of saying you don't like pensioners but it's fine to treat children as an underclass.

slackcabbage · 16/08/2014 13:18

NannyOgg

(a)because (as mentioned previously) all children aren't the same and therefore shouldn't be lumped in to one homogenous category

(b) because they are not valueing the member of that category they have dismissed, as an individual, with unique characteristics because they are somehow of "lesser value" for not being fully formed adults (or some other reason I can't begin to understand)

and (once lumped in to one category) (c) because they haven't bothered to think about the reasons why certain children and babies can have those certain characteristics.

Eg if you take "crying a lot" (to use as one example, not all children do cry a lot) = obviously behavioural adapation to ensure parents pay attention to them.

It seems odd to dislike someone for something they can't help doing or becausee it can cause a bit of inconvenience! A bit like saying you "don't like" someone with a disability because they walk slowly and hold you up on the pavement. It's not actually them you dislike if you think about it. That's why I think it is a thoughtless thing to say.

DaisyFlowerChain · 16/08/2014 13:18

It's ok to not like something.

Plenty of men are tricked or coerced into it by a partner despite not liking children so it's not unusual to find a man who says it but has children.

AnotherFurry · 16/08/2014 13:19

I don't like children. I am childless, don't want children and do not find it fun nor interesting to listen, play or generally interact with them. I do like most adults and like to listen, chat and interact with them.

Why? Because adults are very very different to children. They typically don't run around, shout, scream, demand attention, stand up and stare over the partition at restaurants ... I could go in but you get my gist Grin

ADHDNoodles · 16/08/2014 13:21

I like my own daughter, and I enjoy looking at friend's children on facebook. But whether I like a child really comes down to the actual child. Most are ok, some are awesome, and a few are terrible.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 16/08/2014 13:21

lottie my husband comes from a culture like this. The idea of announcing 'you don't like children' would be bizarre in the extreme, and it is normal for young men or women (say 12-twenties) to play with the littlies, it's kind of their role. The older men (dads and grandads) are also pretty hands on, say picking the kids up and whirling them around/more physical play than you see here. When I first traveled to my husband's country we were seated on a plane with three young lads perhaps 19/20 and one of them spent the entire couple of hours playing peekaboo with my then 1 year old dd2. I was actually a bit freaked out by it until I realised that young men and women interacting with children in a non-dismissive way was normal. Equally children are expected to be part of the family and get on and eat what they eat and go to bed when the adults go to bed. There's less separation between adult and child worlds.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 13:22

Daisy - my father was not tricked into having children!

OP posts:
MissLupescu · 16/08/2014 13:23

I used to say I didn't like children.

I do like children really. It's just easier to say you don't like all children than to tell someone you don't like their children.

Some people (parents) seem to believe that all kinds of bad behaviour is acceptable because they are children.

That's my take on it anyway Grin

ADHDNoodles · 16/08/2014 13:23

Plenty of men are tricked or coerced into it by a partner despite not liking children so it's not unusual to find a man who says it but has children.

Oh please.

Men are not tricked or coerced into having kids. If they didn't want children they should have worn a condom. They wanted to have free unprotected sex and then didn't like the consequences.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 13:24

I was a planned for child. I'm also an only child. But my father never had any time for me.

OP posts:
slackcabbage · 16/08/2014 13:24

Anotherfurry what a sad place the world would be if children weren't curious and didn't run around

What you don't like (and I don't like as it happens) is children being obtrusively curious and running around in an unsuitable place

MissLupescu · 16/08/2014 13:25

Also, some people might tell you they don't like children to get you to STFU talking about them all the time and not wanting to coo over your photos when you're trying to work. (I'm saying you, but not directed at you personally OP)

SteveBrucesNose · 16/08/2014 13:26

This weekend I don't like children after going to a 5* hotel, sitting in the adults only pool (there were 5 pools including 2 kids ones), and still having issues with a child biting my friends hand when we were sitting minding our own business, getting shot in the face with a water pistol, and constantly being bumped into by kids on blow up sharks. The parents and stuff did nothing despite it being a designated adults only pool.

I had two plates of food at breakfast this morning knocked out of my hands by children running around the restaurant, and got screamed at by the parents of one because her little darling had my baked beans down his top.

Various children picking up cakes from the dessert counter, tasting them and putting them back.

That's why I don't like children at the moment, but that's just at the moment. It's not all children I don't like, some are very nice. But at the moment, I don't like children.