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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do some people say 'I don't like children'?

224 replies

lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 12:21

And what is the reason? I ask this because my dad didn't like children, he still doesn't and yet he actively decided to become a parent. And then he never had any time for me. I think this is wrong, personally.

When I hear people say they don't like children I find this a bit odd, because generally I find that I warm to other people's children as well as my own and I have a lot of patience I think.

I also would never date a man who said he didn't like children. AIBU?

OP posts:
Chiana · 16/08/2014 18:31

My DSil doesn't like kids. Very sensibly she decided to remain child free. I can't imagine disliking kids and actively choosing to have them, though. That's pretty fucked up. Hope you're okay, OP.

I don't particularly like badly behaved kids. Of course, last week DD (5) karate chopped her big brother at the dinner table. As a parent you're always one meltdown away from being THAT mum, the one other mums silently judge because she can't control her kids.

But to get back to your point, anybody who truly dislikes kids in general, not just badly behaved ones, has no business actively choosing to bring them into this world. DH hates anchovies, so he chooses not to eat them. If he ordered an anchovy pizza and then complained about it, I'd think he was really weird and unreasonable.

riverboat1 · 16/08/2014 18:32

Gingermum - the times I've said it have mostly been when someone has asked me why I don't teach children (I teach adults). I agree it's annoying when people say it as a attention-seeking thing.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 18:34

But the latest person I know who said they don't like children is a nurse who works on a children's award and I just found that weird.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 16/08/2014 18:37

Maybe the job puts them off having children? I know one or two people who work with children and have decided not to have them as a result.

pandarific · 16/08/2014 18:37

gingermum I'd argue it's down to the situation - if you're being backed into a conversational corner by pushy and overbearing relatives who have decided to tease you or take you down a peg or two or whatever it is they think they're doing - I think it's okay to say it's not really your thing, politely or frostily, as you decide.

In a group of just mums and you, everyone being well-meaning, I wouldn't. I'd respond honestly but politely if pressed, but that's about it.

Announcing it loudly in public next to someone with a child IS baiting and attention-seeking behaviour, and pretty immature.

Topseyt · 16/08/2014 18:37

I love my own children, but I am not particularly enamoured by other people's. I don't actively dislike them except if they are being brats but I do find them stressful to have around, hard work, often loud (toddlers do tend to shout rather than talk), and with boundless energy which makes them quite unpredictable.

I am uncomfortable around small children generally, and I am glad that stage is over with all of mine now (though the teenage phase isn't). They improved with age, and it is now so much easier to hold a reasonable conversation with them now.

Tapewormuprising · 16/08/2014 18:47

I really have an issue with people with people that say they don't like children. What an absolutely ridiculous thing to say. I've had people say it to me, and considering i have 2 children and am a childminder, i find it a very odd thing to say to me. It's like saying 'well, your entire adult life has been a total waste of time imo and i dislike the human beings your raising'. Pft.

You can't get away with saying it about any other group of people, why on earth is it acceptable to say it about children?!

Yes, totally agree some children are difficult and hard work. Fine if you choose not to have them or to avoid spending time with them. But some children are fantastic, interesting and wonderful, and to say you don't like them simply because they are a child is horrible.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 18:53

Thank you Tape - you have put my thoughts in a far more articulate way.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 18:59

It's not ridiculous to say you don't like children.its permissible to hold this opinion
Doesn't mean a parent life is null,void,wasted.it simply means dont like children
People aren't compelled to like children.

Bunbaker · 16/08/2014 19:04

I agree scottishmummy. Although I wouldn't actually say I don't like children because it isn't strictly true, but in general I tend to avoid child orientated situations because that part of my life is in the past now and I simply have no interest in other people's children. I also want to east a meal/have a cup of coffee in peace and quiet.

shaska · 16/08/2014 19:05

I don't think I've ever said I don't like children but I've definitely expressed vague disinterest or slight wariness. In fact, I think I do like children - I definitely like all my friends ones very much. However, I don't have children, and have discovered that if you appear to like children, but have none, then your friends, or sometimes people you don't even know that well, will sometimes assume that you'd 'like' to have theirs, regularly, and for extended periods. Which I don't. Sometimes is fine, or when someone's in a pickle. But I don't really enjoy it that much and people seem to find that tricky to understand. 'But you love kids!'. Well... yes but I love not having to be responsible for them much much more.

So basically I pretty much pretend to like kids less than I do to get out of babysitting.

Notso · 16/08/2014 19:06

The more I think about this more more ridiculous it sounds.
When does it stop? When they can are teenagers? When they are 21?
Can you ever forget the adult you are talking to was once a child therefore you don't actually like anyone?

riverboat1 · 16/08/2014 19:06

I don't think saying 'I don't like children' is that different to saying 'I don't like sport' or 'I don't like animals'. There are probably exceptions, and it's more reflective of your interests than being a type of racism or xenophobia.

GoodboyBindleFeatherstone · 16/08/2014 19:15

Tape

I've yet to meet a child that is fantastic, interesting or wonderful. Apart from my own DS.

Notso · 16/08/2014 19:16

See riverboat I think saying "I don't want have children" is like saying "I don't want to play sport" it's a lifestyle choice.
Saying "I don't like children" is to me, more like saying "I don't like people with disabilities".

cindydog · 16/08/2014 19:24

Children are like farts, you can just about tolerate your own !

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 19:25

I've met lots of wonderful and interesting children who are not my own. I had one here just yesterday.

OP posts:
joanofarchitrave · 16/08/2014 19:26

I adore children under 7 but I would still rather not work with them all the time, and I'm no genius as a parent. I don't think the liking children as a class and being good with them necessarily go together, but it would be reasonable to expect a fair bit of overlap.

scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 19:34

I don't like all. Adults,I don't like all children.its permissible
I don't understand this saccharine notion that one must profess to love children
Or it apparently renders you ghastly,or is perceived as slight to all parents

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 19:41

But scottishmummy - do you ever hear people say 'I don't like people'? Because I've never heard that - I have only heard people say they don't like children.

OP posts:
riverboat1 · 16/08/2014 19:42

I understand your interpretation Nosto, but I think in reality (from my perspective anyway) it's more similar to the fact most people DON'T say 'I don't like PLAYING sport' they just say 'I don't like sport'. It's just shorthand.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 16/08/2014 19:43

I do not think that people should all have to love all children. However, I do think that to go around saying 'I don't like children' to wear as a badge of honour is a bit pathetic.

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 16/08/2014 19:44

My mum's friend (when i was growing up) really, really disliked kids and was open about it. She had two boys. I think she enjoyed them more once they were older. I always found it really odd that she had them. she was also a complete bitch

Notso · 16/08/2014 19:45

I don't think anyone is saying it isn't permissible scottishmummy not liking every single person you come into contact with is completely normal.
That is why you don't hear anyone announcing it.

scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 19:45

It's ok to say don't like children,and it's not pathetic to say it
It's strangely irascible to not be able to tolerate people saying don't like children