Why do some people say 'I don't like children'?

[lottieandmia]

And what is the reason? I ask this because my dad didn't like children, he still doesn't and yet he actively decided to become a parent. And then he never had any time for me. I think this is wrong, personally.

When I hear people say they don't like children I find this a bit odd, because generally I find that I warm to other people's children as well as my own and I have a lot of patience I think.

I also would never date a man who said he didn't like children. AIBU?

My point exactly stevebruce

I don't like most children. Especially when they swarm in the summer holidays (like now) and it's impossbile to go anywhere or do anything without being confronted with hordes of loud, overexcited and worryingly / inexplicably sticky ones.

I have met lots of lovely children. But keep the rest of them away please!

slackcabbage I agree with children wanting to run around and explore etc. and although I don't like it I know it's a part of being a child.

That is the key point in that I don't like even the things most parents think are cute and adorable which is why I am childless by choice. I am grateful people love kids and being parents as we need the population to continue but for me I tend to avoid all children where possible.

stevebruce why do you not dislike the parents more? (I would dislike anyone who shouted at me, or expected me to put up with their children running around)

I think it's fine to say you don't like children. I'm not that keen on cats myself. It's weird to have children when you don't like them though, although I do know a few people who like their own children but not other people's.

Lottie Thenapoleanofcrime agree this is very much a cultural issue and this hating children thing is far more prevalent in the UK than elsewhere. The UK can be like a 18-30 ghetto sometimes, where the middle-aged (particularly women) children and the elderly are somehow second class citizens.

I don't think though that all people are child-free as they don't like children. My two child-free friends both like children, one left it too late to have a family and is quite happy with this state of affairs, the other loves other people's children and being an honorary auntie but doesn't want to be tied down by parenting, they prefer traveling and a child-free life. Child-free doesn't mean inevitably not liking children, although I'm sure that's the reason some people don't want to have them.

Fair enough AnotherFurry and I think most parents wouldn't particularly register/appreciate what other parents consider 'cute or adorable' in their dc either. I don't really go great guns on "cute" tbh!

But I love the originality, playfulness, innocence and openness of children and their ability to 'live in the moment'. I think we could all benefit from more of that.

I don't know that it is that. I just think that children can be loud, much more so than an adult and much more frequently whether it's a toddler/baby making an ear splitting screech or an older child just generally shouting through excitement. They have little awareness of themselves and their bodies etc meaning they will walk ON stuff, through stuff, climb all over you if given the chance and knock things over etc, toddlers in particular don't pay any heed to the fact they have snot, spit, half chewed food or paint on their hands or clothes and will proceed to spread it everywhere. They don't care when they fart and their farts stink. You might have to change their nappies or wipe their bums. They are curious and they get into things and ruin them because they don't know that they shouldn't do that yet.

They don't think like adults and they are bored by adult topics of conversation, so some people find it hard to relate to them. Their topics of interest are (typically, not always of course) things that adults aren't interested in. They want you to get down on the floor with them which isn't always comfortable, they want you to be active (lots of people are lazy!) and their energy never seems to run out. Their sense of humour is totally different to an adult's and may be annoying. They often seem to come packaged with loud, garish toys which play the most annoying songs. They don't have a filter so they will say things like "Aunty pat, why do you have such a big tummy?". When they are in a group they will often have some repeated phrase which will get old really really fast. They also fight in groups.

They can be unpredictable, especially if you're not used to children, they don't stay where you put them, they don't always do as they are told, and if you're in charge of them this can be quite alarming because they also don't have a very good grip on safety most of the time. Their logic works differently to ours because they don't have as much life experience so you have to be careful how you word things. They are quite reactionary and their emotions aren't really under control so if something good/bad happens it will be expressed at the top level most of the time. Most of them also haven't learnt how not to whine and whining is one of THE most annoying things on the planet.

Really their saving grace is that they are cute, funny and interesting. So if you don't find them cute, funny or interesting, then you probably have several valid reasons to dislike them. For me the cute/funny/interesting makes up for most of the other parts, a lot of which are manageable if you're used to them and around children most of the time and prepared, although I find it REALLY hard to be around children who are being very loud, I find it physically painful. And most of this applies to children under about seven, of course, but if people have decided they don't like children or aren't used to children, then they might not know what the cut off point is.

I don't like the rhetoric that people who "don't like children" or "don't like animals" are a bit suspect. I mean why? Nobody is suspicious of somebody who "doesn't like stand up comedy" or "doesn't like sport". Animals and children are quite an acquired taste if that makes sense! There are a lot of universally unpleasant things about both - who likes dealing with poo and mess and noise? The positives, on the other hand, aren't universal at all. They're very subjective things like "cuteness" "friendship" "love", whether they are entertaining, whether your family feels "full", whether you find them interesting/fascinating. I don't find most dogs cute but I do find most cats cute. Some people find tarantulas cute (shudder).

There is never any reason to be nasty or cruel towards animals or children, but people stating that they don't like them is fair enough, I reckon.

M

Bertie I think you've hit the nail on the head there. I don't find children cute, funny or particularly interesting hence I've never wanted/had any of my own. Even as a child I always preferred the company of adults which is probably odd, I had a great childhood with 5 step brothers/sisters who we only saw about 4 times a year as they were all adults (I was an unplanned surprise) I'm happy to admit I'm too selfish to have children, I don't want to be responsible for anyone else, it's bad enough cooking/washing up for the OH day in day out. I wouldn't say I don't like all children but most I would be happy not to interact with. I have a dog, lots of people don't like dogs...as long as they don't own one & go on to neglect it I don't care they don't like them. Same theory applies to people that don't like kids.

ADHDNoodles Condoms aren't 100% effective. So, although They wanted to have free unprotected sex and then didn't like the consequences may be true for some men, it will not be true for them all.

I think most people who 'don't like dogs' (like I used to say, although I am relenting) are a bit scared of dogs. Perhaps the same is true of children.

I "don't like children" because I was told, at 14, I may not be able to have them.
So I say I don't like them and I'm not having any.

Couldn't be further from the truth but it's my way of coping

Some children aren't very likeable. I know a few like that.

I don't hate children as a concept though. In fact I have one of my own and she's been lovely (so far).

I love kids. I have five and I work with children. I am a baby botherer extraordinaire

But I don't like it when adults allow their children to be rude or take them to non child friendly places and then expect people to adjust their behaviour to accommodate them.

I believe it is normal for people to take their kids to festivals now days. I am a bit at this. In my day festivals were for getting wasted and occasionally stumbling upon a stage and hearing a band.

I don't think I would like festivals full of families. Still love kids though.

Bertie I understand your points but I unashamedly view people who declare "they don't like children" with suspicion for all the reasons previously posted (children are, by definition, work in progress (they can't help being loud/smelly/uninhibited and it seems wierd to dislike people for things they can't help. It seems more rational to dislike people for doing things they do have control over!) And it seems a bit wierd to dislike a stage of a person that we were all at once upon a time too (ifyswim).

I imagine people who dislike children will dislike anyone who causes them inconvenience ie someone who is elderly, or ill eg they are focusing on the things that are less than agreeable rather than all the other positive aspects of their personality. Therefore, I perceive that person as not having much "humanity" I guess. BUt perhaps I am wrong to do so.

It's no stranger than saying "I like children", which is somehow socially acceptable. How can you like or dislike an entire population?

That sounds very tough indeed Yellowbelly

Agree Deverethemuzzler also hate it when parents allow their dc's behaviour to inconvenience others. Don't think rude or unruly children in public places adorable at all.

I can't get over how many people who don't like children have joined a parenting website!

What's the attraction? It's like me joining a website for Piers Morgan. I don't like Piers Morgan, I have no intention of ever having Piers Morgan in my life, why would I join a website 'by Piers Morgan for Piers Morgan'.

And I couldn't care less how much else is going on here and how hilarious penis beaker was (it really wasn't), if you don't like children why would you go out of your way to join a website that is essentially a parenting website?!?

Think I'll toddle off to join the RSPCA website now and talk about how I really don't like animals (it's not true, btw).

Well, I neither like nor dislike children - because I have not met every child in the world. Same as I neither like nor dislike blondes, elderly people, Tongans.

But I'm on MN because it's a good place to talk to interesting people about loads of things, and to learn about stuff I was ignorant about.

Whisk I don't find it particularly odd that people without children might find this site interesting, could be curiosity, could be interesting thread, perhaps a tad of horror at the PFBness of some parents.

It is surely far odder to profess not to like children and actually have them yourself!

I don't like children. I feel like a bit of a failure as a woman when people say "oh isn't this baby cute" and I'm thinking "no". I guess I'm just not very maternal, but actually, I've grown up from feeling like a stupid, awkward teen and I'm fine with the fact that children just aren't my thing. I've just never liked them. Even as a child the majority of my 'friends' were adults (yes, I appreciate the irony).

It's not that I actively dislike them per se, but I don't understand or like the culture that surrounds them (at least in my family) of being adorable, precious miracles just simply by being born. To me, reproduction is just part and parcel of being a living thing. My friend when she had her baby posted on faceache that she "felt born to do this [raise a child]", well - duh!? Everything living does it - so I don't see why it's seen as so sacred.

I dislike that, as a woman, I'm seen as odd for not liking children. Like it's the default. I remember being a teen and older cousin's girlfriends saying "one day you'll have babies" after they'd just had theirs. Excuse me!? I'm 14 and you're talking to me like I'm already just here on this earth to incubate. I found it really humiliating that that's all I was to people just because I have a uterus.

I dislike that when a child who is covered in spit, drool and tears is waved in my face for me to kiss goodbye, I am looked down upon for refusing. I can wave and say goodbye perfectly well from a distance thanks, I don't need to kiss her. Why put someone in that situation!? I hate how shortsighted parents can be - the assumption that their offspring is as important as any other thing ever ever EVER (but I also appreciate that's just biology at work).

I hate how I am expected to put up with behaviour I'm not comfortable with "because their children". A recent example is a toddler walking round a circle of seated adult women, inserting his hand down their tops to 'tickle' them. He went round one by one. When he got to me I moved his hand and said no thank you. I was looked at like a monster and some cunt opposite said "ooh not very maternal this one".

I do have my own child. No, she wasn't planned. But her father was desperate to keep her and I found out I was pregnant quite late so I decided to just carry on with it. Having her has made me realise that it's not the children themselves I dislike - it's that social construct of having to think all children are perfect little miracles. No, they are unique, just like adults. And just like adults, some are wankers.

whisk there are loads of reasons why the childfree/less come here. there is nothing else like it in terms of debate etc and at least 50% of the content could relate to anyone who has any family/job/home/health issue/iinterest in feminism/politics etc.

fwiw I did feel a bit of a fraud for joining as no dc but now I am addicted.

someone also suggested that it should be called 'familiesnet' but it's too late now.