AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

Are there rules, or an etiquette about name changing? I wasn't sure there were any?

Well I would say that cowardly name changes should be discouraged by HQ

If someone wants to start a controversial thread (for example) praising the BNP...knowing it's going to start a bun fight, then they should be encouraged to do it in their regular nick name imo.

Of course they're within their rights to praise any party they want, but if they're not doing it to cause a fight, why not do it in their usual nick name?

This is an excellent idea. I read/post in aibu and mostly find it pretty tame - but do recognise it can be overly harsh. I also realise that posters seem to get drawn in to increasingly strong responses when they started out quite reasonable (guilty as charged). Ultimately the net effect is that some excellent mners simply avoid the whole area and posters miss out on some good help. If we can redress that balance it can only be good for everyone.

Having said all that I do think a "petty" area would be a good thing. Loads of us want a whinge that we don't really mean or already know is U but want off our chest and this doesn't really fit any area on mn at the moment. Not an admission of aibu gone wrong, just a darn good idea

Why can't everyone just be nice FGS. We are adults after all. Sometimes it feels like the mean girls at school in Year 10.

AIBU is a funny old place. I have only ever started one thread (in a previous incarnation) and had nothing but helpful and supportive messages. Even the posters who said 'Nothing you can do-walk away' were kind and informative.

I was expecting fire and got nothing but loveliness.

You know what I'd love !
Someone who posts a deliberately goady post under a name change gets outed.

So if you post 'name change for this but am I being unreasonable to suggest that poor people smell really bad?' you run the risk that mnhq will say

"as this name change does not appear to be for privacy purposes we can confirm that this poster is usually princesscuteypants or mypoopssmellofcandyfloss66 "

Of course it won't happen and im sure its a bad idea but it would be heaven

That would be so much fun Pagwatch, everyone's suspicions would be confirmed. Name changers often don't realise they have a distinct posting style, so not as anonymous as they think......

Please do what Pagwatch suggests

I so agree Pagwatch

There must be lots like me who NC just occasionally for perfectly innocent reasons. Sometimes just because I am bored with a name I have used for ages and others just for fun. I have a couple of Sheldon related NNs for BBT threads for example.

But then I'm far too wussy to post on AIBU.

I agree with Pag but have N/C'd to do so.

I quite fancy an alter ego. I could be an arse all over MN but nobody would know it was me.

I name changed after 7 years because I got bored with the old one but I miss it. Not because i cannot bear people knowing who I am (and I do think this has something to do with the pride of the non NCers) but because this name does not feel me.

I like that idea, Pagwatch! Generally I think banning or restricting namechanging would be a bad idea otherwise.

On the old BBC messageboards, mostly posts appeared as soon as they were made but could be removed by a moderator if they were offensive, libellous etc etc. However, there was a facility to put posters into premod if they broke the rules. This was a bit like a fixed-term exclusion from school instead of a permanent exclusion. They could carry on posting but every single post had to be checked by a moderator before it was visible to anyone else. Would that be any good here?

The idea of having posts from a poster in temporary disgrace appearing in a different colour is a bit like the scarlet letter for me.

The name changing facility should stay but there should be something against the posters name that states how long they have been a member and how many name changes they have registered.

So when you do the hoverer thingy, it would say "Member since 2010, 12 name changes, current one in use for x no of days"

I feel I have given away far too much personal information of late.

We'd all be sitting there like a mass of miss marples going 'I knew it!

@CrystalSkulls

Rowan... obviously now we've got tacit permission to report and self police visibly, can we also have some protection from the people who when you DO post on a thread to go 'whoa, hang on a minute, calm down' then attack you and start throwing around 'who appointed you the thread police' and 'this is AIBU, what did you expect' lines?

Do please report anything like this and we will take a look - and probably come and post on the thread to explain what we've asked people to do.

Mmmmm, SecretNutellaFix, you do realise that giving out that amount of info would make it pretty easy to narrow down the usual ID of people posting some very sensitive stuff, don't you?

Thank goodness for that. We all might feel a little bit more comfortable posting in here now. I was getting fed up of how vile some were being!

Sparklingbrook I refuse to believe you could be an arse all over MN if you tried!

Being an arse must take lots of thought and energy Cat, I am probably too lazy to be honest.
I CBA to manage multiple names.

I've seen a feature on other sites where if a post gets enough 'thumbs down' it is automatically hidden from view. Could something similar be done, so if a post gets enough reports it is automatically hidden until MNHQ can review it?

For what it's worth, I do like the ability to name change, I am a lot more open on here than any other site I've been on. As someone mentioned, it's the repeated small pieces of information that you give away that make me worried.

On other sites I have been 100% open about the area I live in, my child's name, age, date of marriage etc. I doubt that a stranger on the internet could trace me from it- but if someone I knew in RL saw my posts they would instantly know it was me. Therefore I kept my posts light and fluffy, like swapping recipes for weaning or discussing the effects of tongue tie.

Here, I name change every so often to try and make sure those pieces of information are never linked. If someone read a post and thought 'oh, that sounds familiar, I wonder if it's Edna?' And advanced searched my posts, hopefully they wouldn't get enough info to be absolutely sure (and if asked, I could plausibly deny it was me!).

If I couldn't name change, I would either have to invent a fake persona/change details (which I'd never be able to keep straight!) or not post about anything sensitive (such as my depression, or posts about family).

However, I do like some of the ideas presented by posters on this thread- such as flagging up (to the public) if a poster has previously posted on a thread under a different name. Not giving the previous name, just alerting people that this may be a sock puppet.

Late to the party, as bloody usual, but thank you Rowan!
(And everyone else behind the scenes too, obvs)
You said you'd do something and you have, certainly can't ask for more than that.

I really, really do hope it works.

(Although Pag's 'Out the Goady Fucker™' idea would be fucking marvellous )

I have given up reporting.
I either get no response, a tesponse several days later, or on one occasion a "oh its you again" response after I reported three posts one evening.